Preemie question?

Question

My brother in law's girlfriend is 16 and had a baby on valentine's day 2 months early... it is in an incubator and has oxygen tubes, etc, and it has an infection currently, but the doctors say it should be ok and need to stay in the hospital for 2 more months or 3. my question is would you be worried? the mother doesn't seem worried at all and very detached.. is this normal?

I think she was 27 weeks... and i do agree with those of u who say she should have adopted it out. we did try to talk her out of it, even my brother in law...

Answer 1

First of all, baby is where it needs to be, in the hospital. It may come home much earlier than they think. Baby is getting good care and they watch them like hawks. Try not to worry.

The mom is young and her hormones have come to a screeching halt 2 months early. She could be having a reaction from the changes. Give her time and lots of love. If she is really detached, she may have post partum blues. She will need to have some good help and her doctor should be alerted if he/she has not picked up on it. This may be her way of coping with a scary situation. Her youth wasn't changed by the birth. She knows she will have to grow up fast and have to deal with a lot of responsibility. She might act strange for awhile. Give her all the help and care you can manage even if she acts like she doesn't want any. She may even have a bad attitude but you need to be the strong person for her and encourage others to do the same. This may be how she handles this kind of concern. Don't try to figure it out or worry why she is not acting how you might in this situation. Just give her time. She has a lot on her plate. There is the fact that she might truly not be worried and just happy baby is here. She still will need you. Congratulations on the addition to your family.

Answer 2

If the doctors say the baby should be ok then that's what everyone needs to go by.

Would I be worried? You bet. I had a premie (not as dramatic a situation as the one you describe, but I was still terrified).

I do know, though, that when a baby is very premature mothers sometimes must detach themselves because they do feel aware that something could happen. What this young mother is doing is "normal" for the mother of a very premature baby.

The medical profession is very well aware of the tendency (need, really) of mothers of premies to need to remain a little detached; and chances are, once the baby is a little older (or even now) the staff in the nursery will know what to do to encourage bonding between the baby and his mother.

I was 29 years old, married, and very ready to have a baby; but when I knew I was in premature labor I immediately put up a "wall" and was almost cynical when it came to whether or not I'd leave the hospital with a living baby. Its hard to describe how, once he was born, I was both incredibly in love with him and attached to him and scared about him while AT THE SAME TIME remaining somehow a little detached. The best way to describe it was it was as if I was two people in one head (or something like that).

If you do a search on "maternal bonding and premies" you may find material on this, so you can understand this young mother better. (If the detachment is too extreme it can actually become a serious problem later on. If she's just doing what I did, which was to be on guard for a while, that's normal and the only way you can deal with watching your baby and being so scared for him.)

Answer 3

Hello,I am a mother of 6 little girls and 1 of my babies was born at 35 weeks. I was very lucky in that she did not have any complications.I would be very concerned and stressed out about my baby. My mom is a L&D nurse and works alot with high risk patients she see's this all the time and about 90% of babies born at that gestational age do have complications and go thru many up and down's in their health.Depending on where you live and the technology available at the hospital will determan how quick the baby will be able to leave the hospital.Hang in there and be strong for your brother and law.My mom just recently had a patient deliver twins at 24 weeks and they are doing ok and are expected to live.About her showing signs of detachment is not really normal but it could be for several reasons,she is very young and might not know how to deal with all the stress and new emotion's and hormones that she is experiencing. Well that is the best help I can think of but let me know how things are going good luck...

Answer 4

Having been a mother of a premmie baby, I think you need to understand that she may possibly feel like she's to blame. You feel like its all your fault, that its your fault that your baby is going through this, you feel detached from the baby as you don't have that physical contact (its amazing what a quick cuddle can do for a new mother...and father). I can honestly say that I now realise when I have heard people say that you feel nothing. Not hurt, grief, pain...just an absolute nothingness. I would just bear with her and give her a shoulder to cry on if she wants it, a laugh if she wants it but just be around in the background to give support when its needed...don't push it. She should still be seeing either a midwife or health visitor herself so they will be monitoring this also. I hope, time helps and that they can both take their bundle of joy home soon. In the meantime take lots of photos and get the new baby cards and prezzies up.....we didn't get any new baby cards until after we came home and this hurt me more as it was like people weren't acknowledging the fact that the baby had been born regardless of how they were doing.

Hope it all goes well. Bear with her.

Answer 5

I would suggest telling her to do something called "Kangaroo Care" with the baby. The mommy holds the baby (in only a diaper) in between the mommy's breasts directly against the mommy's skin. The mommy and baby need to be facing each other, and the baby's ear needs to be at the mommy's heart level. They can cuddle together under a blanket if it is cold. There has been research that shows that this not only helps preemie babies thrive faster than normal, but it would also help build an attachment between the mommy and baby. Here is a link that might be helpful.

http://www.prematurity.org/baby/kangaroo.html

Answer 6

I would say she seems unworried and detached because she wasn't mature enough to have sex let alone have a baby. Frankly she should have given the baby up for adoption...but then not many people care to adopt what would turn out to be a "special needs" infant. But I doubt this girl is going to be much of a mother when/if that baby leaves the hospital.

Answer 7

If the doctors said it should be okay then i would go with what they said. If it were my baby i would be so worried and be in the NICU everyday -proably all day long-.
As for the mother you are speaking of i guess either she could be scared or she is way too young to even know what is going on and that is why teenagers shouldn't have sex if they are not smart enough to be on birth control.
I hope the baby does good.

Answer 8

People deal with stress in different ways. She is probably upset but doesnt show it. She may be banking on the fact that the docs think the baby will be okay. The last thing anyone should do is get all upset add to the stress levels

Answer 9

some people just have different ways of handling a stressful situation

i was called detached and told i didn't care about my baby when she died because i didn't cry in front of people i loved my daughter very much and was so heart broken when she died but i morned her in my own way no one has any right to tell her how to deal with what she and her baby are going though
be there if she needs you and leave her to her feelings if she doesnt

Answer 10

my aunt had her son 3 months early and was highly detached from him. i think it is normal .. in the fear of losing the baby .. the mother tries to keep herself from getting too attached before she knows whether the baby will survive or not.