cheated on my husband...and I feel no guilt. Why ?

Question

We've been together for almost 10 years and he has always been faithful, caring...but soooo boring ! We never do fun things together, never really talk, never have been on a trip, I care about him but should I want more ? If I start a discussion, it always end badly for me ( he makes me look like the villain ). We have a beautiful daughter, but I'm the only one who takes care of her. Recently, I met someone and ....well, after all, I'm human. I'm in trouble, aren't I ?

By discussion, I meant that I tried to talk to him about our situation, but he is never willing to listen to me , he says he's too tired, or finds any excuse to avoid me. I tried many times to make him understand that I need to feel loved and appreciated and he got it the wrong way, blaming me, saying all kinds of nonsense, anything to make me feel bad and stop wondering about our relationship. And for the record, I'm still staying with him because I'm afraid of him, not because I'm lazy or anything like that

Answer 1

I was in exactly your shoes! I lived in a pretty boring marriage for 17 years, but it finally ended. Other than my 2 kids, whom I just adored, my life pretty much sucked. Work, taking care of house etc., and that was about it. There was no passion, no fun, just everyday hum-drum. I think the reason why you don't feel any guilt, is that your feelings for your spouse are not as strong as they should be. This is not just your fault, if you're not getting what you need from your marriage, then it's time to end it. Because, it'll probably end anyway, you're just prolonging the inevitable. You need to really sit down and evaluate what your priorities are. Only you can say "Stay or Go". Good Luck!

Answer 2

I would say if you have felt this way for a while you should have said something along time ago. I think that you both let yourself grow apart and there are probably reasons to it. I grantee though sooner or later you will feel the guilt when you are not trusted by future people. Some people see cheating as a big No No and there is no excuse for it. You should have said something to your husband before this stuff started happening. Even if you did meet someone else and cheated you never should have started that until your other relationship was over. In the long run you are going to hurt him and he will be forever scared by this. He will always have problems with trust in relationships now. Besides blaming him for all the problems in the relationship you should look back and see what really is the problem you might find its not just him. I only say this because I have seen it happen before.

Answer 3

Im married for 2 a protracted time my husband is a alcohol and drug addict and that i've got caught by ability of his section un till this 300 and sixty 5 days i recently had maximum cancers and he would have cared much less he had and affair and harm my new truck have been nevertheless married yet separated and ive been chatting with my first luv for 8 mo now and that i do no longer fell guilt to me any ingredient u do incorrect could fell guilt and that i did in the past each little thing yet I truthfully have executed no longer something with this different guy and plan to end my marriage in the past something ensue particular u could fill guilt it tell u Ur shrink and make U think of ingredient throught and u will do the main appropriate ingredient

Answer 4

women like u r the reason I have remained single since my divorce 3 years ago. It is the reason y at 34 I sleep with women 22-26 years old.(Sometimes 20)They look good, don't nag me and I won't ever commit. 73% of divorces are filed by women. U r all bottomless holes that can never be filled one way or the other. The guy either doen't make enough money, doesn't excite you, doesn't know how to love you, or is boring. But it is ok for us to work 2 jobs to support u and the kids, sit in traffic all day and become unattractive and then u wonder why we are tired. Marriage, especially in California only benfits one person, the woman. I cheat on u, u get half, u cheat on me, u still get half. And after 10 years u get lifetime alimony so u could live in the life u have become "accustomed 2." Screw u all.

Answer 5

You say whenever you start a discussion it ends badly for you. What kind of a discussion? The problem with the someone you've met is the "grass is always greener" effect. If he's willing to be with you while your still married, it means he has no respect for commitment. Therefore as soon as he's bored with you, off on another fling. You really need to give serious thought to what you want with your life and relationships.

Answer 6

Ur relationship with ur husband is almost like what i have with my husband. Only that he do take us on trips and he do help take care of our kids. Besides that, everything's the same. So I end up doing things that could make me feel happy. I buy expensive bags coz that can help me feel happy. But I dun deny I feel lonely deep inside.
Look Jasmine, if that makes u happy and u can be sure the other guy can make u a happier person and have everything u want in a man, u gotta be upfront abt this to ur husband. Chase your happiness.

Answer 7

I don't mean to make you feel bad but marriage is sacred. It's a responsiblity from one person to another and you violated it in the worst possible way. There's never an excuse for cheating. Never.
It's not wrong for you to want more out of your life but there are ways to go about getting it that don't involve cheating. It's not all on your husband to make things happen in your life. If you want to go on a trip or do something fun, arrange it then invite him along. If he doesn't want to go, take some friends and do it anyway. If he starts a fught when you get home, tell him that he was invited and he passed so you went and did something you want to do. Tell him that if he wants to plan something fun that he wants to do then you'll go with him. Even if it's fishing or football. I think you and your husband have hit a rut and just need to spend some time doing fun things together to reignite your spark. Take him on a date. Ask him what he's feeling, ask him about his day and get involved in his life as well. It;s just as possible that he's feeling the same way you are.

Answer 8

"Duh" you feel no guilt because you are in denial that what you did was wrong! Every being in the universe knows right from wrong! I am not the smartest person in the world, not even in the top 10 but, I am certain that there is something wrong with a spouse cheating. We all make mistakes but you must realize what you did was unfair to your husband. How would you feel had he done the same thing to you? If you are unhappy and no longer love your husband get counseling or get out!

Answer 9

First of all your husband should want to listen to your concerns, on one hand you say that he is faithful and caring. Then you say that he doesnt want to listen to you, you also state you are the only one caring for your daughter. Then in your additional details you say you are staying because you are afraid of him. Hummm why did you put that? It seems you arent being clear about who he is really, why are you afraid of him? If you are afraid of him all the more reason why you need to be upfront. Whoever this other man is its not a fair assumption of this mans worth at all because you cannot donate your time to seeing the other man on a regular open basis since you are married. Its stolen moments which glorify what is really there. So take whoever you just met out of the equation you need to address your husband. You need to say the number one importance between two people is communication. You and he seem to be lacking in that. He seems indifferent. You need to say I need you to listen to me. You have to say to him this is important my feelings my thoughts my heart needs to be listened to. Tell him I do not want to be brushed off. Also say you need to participate in the rearing up of our daughter. I need to feel we are a team. It is no use to judge you harshly you just need to get some backbone and demand he listen to you. I feel sorry for you you need a hug and you need not to be stoned by anyone or preached to about how bad you are. But you do need to stand up and say without being understood without being heard we have nothing. So please either listen or you are going to loose me. Period. If he still wont listen personally I think he is a jerk. Sorry but true.

Answer 10

Sounds to me like you just needed to to feel sexy again as your hubbie obviously ain't bowling you over these days. Only you can say if you are in trouble. No one can judge you and tell you that you should feel guilty. You just needed to be wanted and have someone treat you like a woman when your man isn't. Word of advice though if you aren't happy with your hubby maybe you should do some soul searching and see if you are gaining anything from your marriage and please don't think that a quick fling will save your marriage, it won't it will just add more complication to your unhappy situation.