is it ok to?

Question

do you think it is ok to just have one kid? I had a baby boy 6 months ago and I dont want anymore is that mean of me and its not just me that feels that way its my hubby too but every body we tell that gets mad at us and tells us you cant have just one kid. I think his mother hates me now because of this and it makes me so mad and my mom didnt like it at first but she is ok with it now. the reason I dont want another child is not because I think parenting is hard it has nothing to do with that I just dont think I can go through that again I had so many problems with my blood pressure during pregnancy and still have them now so what I am asking is do you think a kid grows up fine being the only child because my hubbys mom doesnt think he will so now I am trying to find a way to tell her to back off and get over it but in a nicer way.

Answer 1

You and your husband are the only ones who know when your family is complete. If your family is complete after just one child, that's your choice. I don't think there's anything wrong with being an only child. They usually act more mature than children from big families.

I had problems with my blood pressure during my pregnancies. My first was a lot worse than my second...all sorts of tests, weekly doctor visits from 20 weeks on, weekly nonstress tests, tons of ultrasounds...and then I had to have her a month early by c-section, and she had to stay in NICU until she could breathe on her own. I got a spinal headache afterwards, and the recovery from the c-section was terrible because they'd made such a huge incision. Then she had to have surgery when she was three months old, and until we figured that out she was screaming in pain 10 hours a day. I swore I wouldn't have any more kids. I really didn't think I could stand to do it all over again.

Then, three years later...we were celebrating a bit too much on Christmas, and we got too drunk to remember to use a condom...our one oops ever...and I got pregnant again. We were really scared, but we never considered terminating the pregnancy. I used a different doctor than I had the first time around, and he didn't send me for millions of tests. I didn't have to go on blood pressure meds until 26 weeks, and I had Sophia three weeks early, but she was able to breathe on her own. She is such an easy baby, compared to her big sister. I think maybe the second is always easier, because you can relax and just enjoy the baby, since you already know everything there is to know about babies.

So anyhow, don't make any permant decisions about your fertility right now (in other words, don't get your tubes tied or make hubby get snipped). Give yourself a while to recover from the trauma and stress of giving birth and adjusting to the demands of a newborn, and see how you feel in a couple of years.

And just tell your MIL that you're going to let your son have all the attention and be the only child for a few years at least, before you even think of more children (and if you never have more children, by then your son will be tons of fun for his grandma and she won't be after you to make more grandchildren).

Answer 2

I think it's okay to have only one child. I would have liked to have more but one is all I'm getting. If you and your husband only want one child then that is your perogative. As far as kindly telling your MIL to back off I don't have much advice. She's the awful one to be taking the position that she is. Frankly, I'm the kind of person that would just tell her that it is not her decision and that she needs to drop the subject. But then again, that's me. Maybe you could just explain to her, very sweetly and calmly but with an air that it is a matter of fact and not up for discussion, that "we" (meaning you AND her son) have decided one child is all you are going to have. Sorry, that's the best I can do. Good luck!

P.S. While you're sweetly telling her this, you may throw in that with the difficulties you had with your pregnancy that you don't want to risk another pregnancy. Tell her that it is more important for your child to have a mother instead of a sibling. Surely that would shut her up.

Answer 3

Its up to you. I had tons of problems and still am with my pregnancies but wanted more than one. Sometimes just one can be a good thing. You can focus alot more on just one child, but then it has its draw backs too. I have a friend who is an only child and she made sure that she had more than one kid. She has 3 now and wants another, because she says that there was nothing worse and more lonely than being an only child. BUT i completely understand you not wanting to go through that stuff again. I didnt either, but I really wanted another child. and was willing to do it.

Answer 4

How many children you nhave is between you, your husband and God and is absolutely none of anyone else's business. I was an only child and I survived it :) I am now an ordained minister who counsels people with life questions.

Based on what you have said here it appears that your doctor would not recommend another pregnancy. If that is the case you need to seriously consider that and seriously work on any causes of high blood pressure or tendency to high blood pressure that you may have besides pregnancy. If you want another child later on you can see if the doctor can recommend ways to control blood pressure or you could consider adoption or foster parenting.

One good way of keeping people from fussing about your decision is not to tell them about it. There is no rule that says you have to share personal decisions with people other than yourself and your husband. Since your mom and mom in law aleady know the decision they feel free to give their opinion on it. One possible way to sweeten your mom in law's attitude is to let her know that the decision is based on your health. That can be done by agreeing with her that she'd like another grandchild and that you might too if it were medically advisible but that you feel it would be unfair to your son and husband to risk your life or health and possibly leave them without you or with you disabled. If your husband can be the one to express this that may be even better.

Depending on how close she lives and how involved she is with your son you may be able to ask her advice on things that are NOT big issues to you so she feels she has some input. This can be things like are feet in sleepers better or should he have more room to wiggle his toes. Would a red or bright yellow toy be more stimulating for his brain. Ask about things that will not become a power crisis between you. If your husband is a nice guy then you have to believe she does know something about raising a boy so it may also help to ask not so much what you should do as what she did in raising him. At what age did she give him finger foods, which ones? How did she teach him to stand up? How did she get him back to sleep when he woke up in the night? What toys did he like at what age. The object is to help her be and feel part of the team not a critical outsider and to help her know you and your husband do value her and do consider her important. Many mom in laws fear that their son's wife will replace them inn his affections. There is a validity to that because you and his son are his primary family now but his mom and your mom can still be important to you both and to the baby. If she is some distance away please send her lots of pictures for the same reasons and ask what ways (not if) he resembles his daddy at the same age.

God bless you and your family and guide you in His peace and wisdom.

Answer 5

Do what's right for you and your family - not what everyone else wants you to do. You are the one who has to go through pregnancy and care for the child, so you are the only ones who should decide what is best. Your husband should be very direct with his mother and tell her that you have both decided to only have one child so that you don't have to be the "bad guy" here.

Answer 6

I think it's no one else's business. You don't have to tell her anything, except that it's between you and your husband and you won't discuss your sex life with her. Don't even tell her you don't want more!

Now, if it's soley because of the pregnancy and blood pressure, don't let that scare you off. Many women have this with their first pregnancy, I think I read like 25% do, and they never have it repeat again. But like I said, it's up to you.

Answer 7

As long as you take care to make sure your bubba boy has enough friends so he isn't lonely, i'm sure he'll be fine.

Remember, your mother in law doesn't have to carry another child and bring him - she gets to watch and make comments, or maybe even babysit from time to time.

Just tell her that for now, you're not planning to have anymore children as you're simply not ready at this point in time. It may change in the future and you may want another child, or you may decide that one is enough.

Answer 8

How many kids you have is your and your partners choice and no one elses. I have many great, generous and loving friends who were only children. Have a talk with your mother in law. Tell her gently that you have thought a lot about this and you have decided that you only want one child, and that it is your decision. Hopefully she will understand, but if not don't worry about it.

Answer 9

The only person answer that matter is your husbands not his mom. This is both of your life, but don't go and get surgery so you can't have kids just ware a condom and take life slow. If you have anther just look at it as a gife and be happy.

Answer 10

Im sorry to say but who cares what they think.I am 34 wks and am thinking I only want one myself.I'm not even done yet but am pretty sure I dont want to go through this again.This is your life!Take control or you can just throw them off and make them happy with a maybe one day.Maybe doesn't always mean yes Right?