My step daughter just told me she is?

Question

Well my husband also that she is pregnant. She turned 14 on Valentines day. I am the same person who asked this question.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Asz19oDrMQ3uh7mqjHo6Ie7sy6IX?qid=20070205142120AAbXzZr

She told us a few hours ago and she burst into tears. Then I said we will have this discussion later. I don't know what to do I have just been crying and crying about it.

What do I say if she wants to get an abortion?
I don't know what she wants yet.

Answer 1

PRAY! offer love, support and understanding. it is too late to be angry. the next step is to contact the boy's parents and figure out who will take responsibility for this baby. this must be so painful....my daughter turned 16 today and i can't imagine.... what about one of those pregnancy crisis centers? i will pray for your family.

Answer 2

First of all, I'm so sorry that you have been crying and crying. You are right to cry, it's a terrible shock and parents expect good things to happen in their children's life, at the right time. You envisioned better things for the age she is and hearing this news will just make you cry. You feel so disappointed and worried and helpless.
Your daughter burst into tears also. She is not happy to have to tell you this news. She knows that parents want to hear announcements that will make them proud. Understand that she is as overwhelmed as you are by this development.
If she doesn't want to have this baby, she and you must act soon so immediately make an appointment with the doctor (this week, not next week) to discuss options. Remember that she is just 14. She looks at the world through the eyes of a 14-yr-old. If she wants guidance from you, do not hesitate to give it. I can't imagine a child who wouldn't want guidance from a parent in this situation. You have maturity and knowledge of life on your side and she has some respect for that.
If she wants an abortion, go with her and be supportive. If she wants to keep the baby, there is a lot more to discuss. No matter what decision she makes with you, it will be important to her how you treat her during this very stressful time.

Answer 3

let her know you will be there for her no matter what. She is scared enough. Go in her room and hug her now and reassure her you both still love her and will be with her every step of the way. Get some pregnancy counselling to help her decide what to do. Is you and your husband raising the baby an option. (with the full knowledge that the 14 yr old is the mum, hide nothing from the beginning that only leads to trouble) I am not a believer in abortion but it is her choice and at 14 needs some counselling to figure out what she wants to do. Adoption is always an option. There are so many people out there who would give up everything to be parents. You know the child would would be loved.
Go now into her and hug her. That's what she needs now...your love

Answer 4

Oh dear. 1st, I'm glad you love her. She is so young to go though something like this. i hate to endorse an abortion, but she's so young, and he is too. Perhaps that should be an option. What does she want to do? As her parents what do you think is best? This is why she was being so quiet. She's obviously very scared and needs a friend just be there for her. give her all the love and support you know she needs. Also have the boys parents over to discuss this situation, AFTER you and your husband have talked to her about what your all's plan is. Good luck. You're welcomed to email me if just want someone to talk to. My Best friend got preg at 15 she never had a childhood after that. Get her on the depo shot or have an IUD put in so she doesn't get preg again until she's older.

Answer 5

Reading your previous question, your first problem was that you allowed her to be in her room with her boyfriend, especially with the door locked.

As for her being pregnant, it is done. You cannot go back in time. I have to give your daughter some credit for telling you near the beginning of the pregnancy, I am assuming. It takes a lot of guts for a 14 year old to look her parents in the eye and tell them.

I think it is your responsibility as a parent to accept and support any decision she makes. If you are anti-abortion (which is sounds like you are), understand that having an abortion is not an easy decision. She will be scarred by it for the rest of her life. She may even need psychiatric help. If she chooses to go through with the pregnancy she is going to need the money for the doctors bills, and will have to deal with the ridicule from her peers while she is very pregnant at school. If she wants to keep the baby, and you and your husband allow her to (basically you will be raising it), then you are going to have to accept going back to the basics.

Although you are upset (probably because you feel she threw her life away, or you could have done something more, etc), know that crying right now just won't help! In the end she needs as much love, support and help as she can get. Whatever decision she makes her life will be changed forever and she is asking your help to deal with that.

Answer 6

Please dont let her get an abortion. Life is a beautiful thing and if she doesnt want to keep the baby there is adoption. Maybe along the way she will want the baby. Tell her your opinion about the situation but also let her know that you are there for her. Support her at this moment, at this time thats what she needs the most. She will go through depression and a lot of changes whether she keeps the baby or not.

Answer 7

Well what she needs is support. She has some big decisions to make and needs not to feel alone. Also, if she leaves the boyfriend, she will need a support system. Right now this is not about you, but about her and the baby. What is your advise to her. If you tell her to have an abortion... she may get it and resent you for life. However if she decides that on her own.. that is different. I knew a girl that was in this situation. Her parents adopted the baby. The girl is now married and has her own kids and her 'little sister' is biologically hers. That is a thought. I thought is was so cool how that family supported her and stuck by her....

Answer 8

I feel for ya. That's our greatest concern too. I guess you and your husband need to discuss amongst yourselves first. Stay calm and have a rationale conversation with your child. Weigh all of your options and discuss the consequences of each choice. Hopefully you will come to a decision. It's has to be very heart breaking. But, this happens everyday. And those other families who have been through this have managed to survive this type of crisis. Just make sure you tell her that you love her and try to support her. You don't have to make a decision right away. I will keep you in my prayers that all will go well.

Answer 9

She is very young and i know how scared she must be cause i found out i was pregnant when i was 16 my family wanted to make me have an abortion but i decided i wanted the child any way long story short 10 years later i am still with the father and we are happily married expecting our 3rd child ,i guess what I'm saying is all you can do is let her know what her options are and be there to support any decision she makes i didn't get any of that with my family.

Answer 10

Let her know that you are both there to support her with whatever decision she wants to make. I was a young mum and I was too scared to tell anyone until it was too late to do anything, so at least she is upfront which means she wants your help. She may be scared to ask for an abortion so it may be something you will have to bring up. Let her know its not something you are forcing her to do, but something you will be there to help her through. Personally I think 14 is too young to have a child, but now, if she doesnt go through with the pregnancy she has alot of options afterwards to prevent it happening agagin for a few years til she is ready.

Answer 11

You may have a mixed feeling of anger, hate, disappointment, and love. Open your mind, we cannot return the past but to move forward. But what ever happens, abortion is not the option. This experience will make your daughter mature enough to experience how difficult life is. At her age, she still need your guidance. It was a mistake where we can learn from doing again what has to be done.