My boyfriend stopped being able to have sex 5 months ago. Help!?

Question

I have been living with a man I adore for about 6 months. We love each other, never fight, are kind and affectionate and harmonious. Boring! He is happy with me and is the sweetest guy. I often feel content, but deep down I feel like I am missing out on so much. 5 months ago he just stopped having sex with me. He has health issues that are taking a long time to figure out. He has no sex drive at all. 100% true. We are together all the time, if not working. He is completely exhausted all the time. He has other problems $ that are all stress related (he is 50). I understand, am patient, compassionate and never pressure. I'm very sad because I love sex, romance, fun and intimacy. None of which we now have, and never really did. His health and $ problems scare me. I feel like I do most of the giving. He says he feels bad, but he doesn't even try to get intimate due to exhaustion. Not even kissing. He says he feels bad that I want more and he can't give it physically. Any advise appreciated

I also want to say that I am confused about what is really important in a relationship.
I want the intensity and passion, and I don't feel he is capable of giving that. We have something sweet and comfortable between us and he is a good and loving man. That is what I don't know what to do about. Are my wishes and desires for more just a dream? Can we get that in our relationship? Will he ever be well? Those kinds of things. I give so much in my relationships and I'm just starting to feel like I'm not getting what I need. But I love taking care of him, but often feel more like a mother/nurturer type than lover. I want to be lovers for life! Do I need to move on or is that what marriage (because we have talked marriage) is about? Someone told me he is a good man, I should shut up and be happy. ?

Thanks everyone for all your help.

Answer 1

I don't know if you're alot younger than your boyfriend, but it's probably likely that he could continue in the state he's in or possibly even decline. Alot of men lose their drive as they age, especially if they have prostate problems. Health issues get worse as a person ages too. So if he's already having these type of problems at 50, chances are it's only going to get worse.

You need to decide whether or not you're willing to live with that. If not, then it would be better and kinder to get out now and not string him along. If you do feel he's worth staying with, then maybe you can figure out other means. Maybe talk it over with him and see if he'd agree to try having one night a week be all about you. That he'll bring you pleasure without having to actually perform himself. Or maybe try going to a sex therapist.
Good Luck!

Answer 2

You said he is 50 so may I ask how old you are? Im sure he has many health issues and gets tired alot more than what you are comfortable with..That is why I try to tell people never to rush anything..No matter the age, everyone at every age loves romance,passion but there comes a time in life that you have to sacrifice that part of your life to be with the one you love..If you love him then you will be content with the life you are living for this time and show him he means more to you than money or sex..Men just like women wonder about that also..Takes a great man and woman who spiritually,emotionally are close..Like I have told so many over the years, sex and romance is ok but it aint all life has for us..Matters of the heart is more precious..Always look into your heart before deciding anything..You been patient this long and trust me I understand about that,,but when you really love someone,,aint no time on earth that will make you stop loving them..You love them for who they are,,not what they have or dont have..So search your heart and never never cheat...If you feel you have to go on without him then do it kindly..Remember, he will hurt...May God bless you and help you through this ordeal...Oh IM 51 so I understand both sides...

Answer 3

OK, this is going to sound alittle funny, but, I would say if you are happy being with him, but not happy about the sex thing, I would suggest a toy. To make sure he does not feel threatened by it, maybe have him use it on you. It technically is not him having sex with you, but maybe if he agrees to it, it will put him in the mood. If that is not a possibility, then I would suggest that he see a doctor and maybe get some meds that will help balance everything out for him. I know this is not much, but I hoped it helped alittle. Good Luck with everything.

Answer 4

sex itsn't everything long as your husband loves you and is good to you don't beat you or verbally abuse you or cheat then you should be happy its under standable he's has no sex drive my goodness hes 50 years old what in hell do you exspect im 58 will be 59 may 30th age does slow you down get him to try viagra if he don't have too bad health problems or ask a docter what would help him

Answer 5

sounds like he is depressed. he should talk to his doctor about lack of sex drive. if he is on antidepressants they sometimes take away the sex drive as do other meds.make sure you don't help him financially because if you do and the relationship fails you will feel bad about yourself like you've been taken advantage of. he is an adult and there are many solutions to problems and he needs to work on finding them. he can't make you happy if he can't make himself happy. it's only been six months move out on your own before you are in any deeper. you could still see him but keep your independence-- i bet you'll need it. good luck and think of yourself.

Answer 6

You sound more like friends than lovers. You need to think of your happiness, and if you settle for less than what you want.....you'll never be happy. Health and money problems.......if you eventually marry, sounds like a divorce would be inevitable. He already knows you need more. I would suggest moving on hun. Good luck to you...

Answer 7

Stand by your man. Y'all are just going through a down fall. We all do but it takes the strong to keep pushing and get over that hill.Be strong keep your head up. Maybe you should consider bringing in toys for the both of you. kind of spice it up. That may get him ready for sex. You may have to satisfy your self for a while until y'all make it over the hill. hope i helped.

Answer 8

you both need to learn to compromise, he needs to be more sexually into you, and you need to stop worrying about what your ideal man would be able to give you. If you do truly love him, then you should be able to get through it, but no sex drive at all...that must be hard for you! maybe you should see a counsellor together, best of luck

Answer 9

if you love this man then you need to be patient with him but it
also sound lke both of you need counseling to deal with what
going on then you can do what the best thing for both of you.
good luck to you.

Answer 10

Well, you are not married. Move out if you are not happy. Why take on this burden? its not like you have kids together or anything.