He is the sweetest guy ever when he is sober. We are both just recently divorced. How can i help him understand that i hate when he drinks because i am scared he will fight with me? he never has hit me but i am begining to wonder if he would just rather be single and party rather then be a family with me, my three kids and his 2 kids from his previous marrige. He tells me he drinks to chill out and he thinks he deserves to go almost everyday after work to have a "so called" few drinks while i am at home 24/7 with all 5 kids. Am I being selfish or controlling when I tell him I dont want him to drink like that? I hardly ever get a break at all from the kids. He hardly spends anytime with me cause it seems like all he wants to do is go drink.
2007-02-16 17:37:35 · 16 answers · asked by bris_babygirl27 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I was raised in a home with an alcoholic step father, and when he was sober he was great, but he was so different when he drank. It was horrible! When my mom would leave for work he was such a gerk to me and my sister. And even now he is still the same way. He gets really racist which ticks me off because I am married to a Mexican and we have 2 mixed kids, and 1 on the way, and he is always making comments. Also I see my mom is unhappy with him because his drinking is getting worse and he will not stop because he feels since he pays some bills, he deserves to drink. What I am saying is that if you are not happy with the drinking, you and him have to compromise, or it will never work out for the both of you. Soon you will be even more unhappy about him drinking, then pretty soon, more things will start to disturb you. Have everything straightened out before you decide to get married. Good Luck and I hope I was of help.
2007-02-16 18:20:27 · answer #1 · answered by sneekygirl69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your troubles.
Your man is an alcoholic. Some alcoholics function reasonably well and are ok to live with if you love them
But the ones who turn nasty when drunk are a different story.
Why should you look after his kids while he goes off boozing?
You are NOT being selfish or controlling. You are asking to live a normal life like other people.
He really needs to stop drinking and get to AA.
If he won't.......tough choice.....but personally I would leave before it gets any worse.
This man has the capacity to ruin you life and those of your children.
Consider your situation very carefully.
Hope it works out for you :-)
2007-02-16 17:45:39 · answer #2 · answered by mcfifi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They said the same thing about my father, that when he was sober he was a good, decent, hard-working man. When he was drinking, he got violent. He left for days at a time, slept with other women who would take him in, and threatened my mother. My mother threw him out when I was very young, and my father died at age 44, a homeless alcoholic. You can't marry just the sober side of him. You will get the complete package "for better or worse." I hope you dump him, give your three kids a huge hug and make a promise that you will not allow an alcoholic into their lives or yours.
2007-02-16 18:54:05 · answer #3 · answered by Paul 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about it (when he's sober), maybe he can try to refrain from drinking? ..or maybe he has an alcohol dependency problem if he needs it to "chill out" quite often.
If that fails, then get out. You do not want to be stuck with someone who will use alcohol as an excuse to put you down, yell at you, or worse. Women are powerful beings & don't NEED a man. If you feel uncomfortable when he drinks then get out. That's the last thing you need to be stressing about when you have your own life to take care of, a family, & a career.
The last thing you want to do is put yourself, & more importantly your children in any danger.
Guys like this make me sick. I hope you make the right choice & realize you are too good & do not need to lower yourself for someone who treats you like that! Best of luck to you!
2007-02-16 17:44:15 · answer #4 · answered by Stilettos 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's found a babysitter. If you choose to remain in this relationship, and I think you will, it would be a good idea to research and join an al-anon group in your area. It's sounds like you are describing an alcoholic and that will consume your every thought. You are here asking the world their opinion, so it's clear to me you're already having a problem with this.
With al-anon (friends and family of alcoholics) they will understand, listen and help you deal with his behaviours. "He's the sweetest guy when he's sober" - is NOT how you want to introduce him. I would think you'd want to say something like "My man and I spend quality time together, and we have such fun on the weekends with all the 5 kids".
I feel for you. Good luck and take care of yourself first.
2007-02-16 18:02:13 · answer #5 · answered by daughter_helping 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The main answer to your question is if you continue to put up with the behavior, he will continue to exhibit it. It is total speculation on my part, but I suspect that you are providing him with everything he didn't have in his marriage and you are only now considering holding him accountable for his lack of discipline. Sadly, my best guess would be that if you force the issue, he'll find someone else that will, but if this is true, PLEASE let him go. I don't know the circumstances in your divorce, but don't settle for less than someone that loves you deeply, and while you wait on that person to find you, work on becoming a more lovable person. It's not good to be alone, but it's worse to let your self-esteem depend on someone else.
I've written a few simple truths that may not answer your questions sufficiently, but hopefully they've given you some guidance.
2007-02-16 17:54:23 · answer #6 · answered by toddly29 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him the wedding is postponed until he gets help--maybe AA. If he really loves you and wants to marry you, he'll do what it takes for the marriage to work. It would be better for him to get help now than it would be to finally realize it after you are married and be absolutely miserable. You want your marriage to be happy, right? Also maybe get some pre-marital counseling to talk about these issues you have with him as well.
2007-02-16 18:20:24 · answer #7 · answered by James E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know the answer to this already. Read what you just wrote and decide if this is the way you want to spend the rest of your life. Because it aint gonna get any better and it more than likely will get worse.
2007-02-16 17:44:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will only stop drinking whren he wants to stop. Alcoholism is very serious illness for everone involved. Al-anon meetings can help you. But he will only quit drinking when he is ready. There is nothing you can do to help unless he wants help. It's a real b****.
2007-02-16 17:54:56 · answer #9 · answered by hoodwink 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2 words for ya Alcohol Annoynamous
2007-02-16 17:49:40 · answer #10 · answered by DVD 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋