What do you think about this flash fiction?

Question

I wrote a flash fiction for a contest and submited now i'm trying to get comments and views on my flash fiction (750 words or lss) so what do you think,it's called Through the Tinted Glass

Hands shaking, Dylan pushes towards the bed. His legs are trembling the episode is getting worse the feeling of impending doom is coming closer.
Just a few more minutes come on, he tried to convince himself. It was a lie this was the 7th time this month and it was only getting worse. They where coming closer getting closer. He was coming to the light now watching it get closer and something blots out the light.
A sudden shock of expected dread over fell him. His face relaxed and he tried to just give up and ride out the storm.
Dylan opened his eyes fire outside and something flying over head. Something coming to the door, closer, the footsteps. They where only as loud as he wanted them to be, was in control, but completely lost in the myriads of his mind.
The golden door knob turned, Dylan closed his eyes for a moment trying to get a grip back on his mind. It slipped away, the door flung open. Smashing a hole in the wall turning the drywall into a white thick dust floating down

to the ground. He peered on what had met his company at the doorway, he closed his eyes again.
The blood from the open wound dripped off the intestine that lay dragging between its legs. Dylan open his eyes again gripping the blade in his hand hard enough to make a forever lasting mark. Dylan dove at the man standing in the doorway cutting his face. He fell to the ground, Dylan landed on him swinging the 3 inch blade blindly feeling friction then tension releasing. his hands where getting moist with blood and his shirt felt heavy.
Dylan stood up from the man leaving the blade strangely stuck in his eye. He watched out the window for a moment before lying back on the bed closing his eyes trying to pre occupied his mind.
Just hold it off a little longer it’s almost over just a little longer. Another lie but he believed it.
A shriek erupted from the doorway, Dylan felt like his head was shrinking. An instant headache shot up from his back through his neck and found it’s home in the

temples of his head.
“Why are you here? What did you do to my dad? Where is my family? What did you do? Who are you? Why are you here?” Dylan shouted in frustration.
“I am your mother.” The woman said with the same shrieking voice.
“NO MORE LIES!” Dylan was crying now, his tears washing the blood from his face. He shoved the bed over hitting the lamp, the lamp shattered on the floor making a crunching sound. The light from the fan over top of the bed fell in a light show that sparked a small fire in the trash. He wrapped his hands around the small petite neck of the woman squeezing harder, cutting off her air.
She made a squeak, Dylan squeezed harder crushing her voice box that made a hollow and shallow crack. The light of life in her eyes was dimming, he enjoyed this. He watched the light dim into a lifeless look of shock, her eyes were wide with surprise frozen in eternal shock.
Dylan walked to the third door on the left out of his room. He opened the door quietly, a child

just the age of seven was huddled in the corner head in between her knees crying. He shoved the door making it hit the doorstop making a bump as the door rattled. She jumped slightly then looked up, her eye was missing and shirt torn.
“Your not my sister, where are you? Why are you here?” Dylan stepped closer to the child shutting his eyes and taking the blade out. Everything turned to darkness, everything shut down. His body going into reserve trying to cope with everything that had gone on.
About an hour later Dylan found himself in the bath tub, bodies of his mother, father, and kid sister lay on the floor. Dylan looked to his wrists, precise cuts.
Guess the doctor was right the hallucinations would be the death of me. Dylan closed his eyes and waited for the end. He was getting light headed all was getting dark, pills of anti depressant made a splash in the tub.
They where all right, it was just like looking through the tinted glass. Everything was gone. Thanks for readin:)

Answer 1

tragedy like this hits the news all too often. Great commentary from another view of the scene. I enjoyed the read but don't think I could read your stuff too often. It left me feeling sorta sad and a little uneasy. Good job.

Answer 2

You need to edit the text...so many vocab errors and word misplacements.

As for the storyline, it's all right, but I guess I'd like it better if the entire thing was posted.