Why is it that you can completely lose connections with other people?

Question

How can people that were a big part of your life drift away to the point where you don't see them at all and when you do it makes you lonelier than when you did not see them at all? This happens a lot through life. At some point, certain people were huge parts of my life and now there is nothing when I see them.

I understand that people grow in different directions, but how do people just stop loving other people (not necessarily in a sexual way)? I have stopped loving other people that were in my life and other people have stopped loving me. We all do this, but how? I once did not attend someone's funeral because I did not know them very well. Yet, at one point I spent quite a bit of time with them. I've seen other people do the same thing.

I recently ran into somebody from my past. It made me sad that we had lost contact in the first place. Why do people stop caring?

Answer 1

Gosh. What a great question.

I really think that it has so much to do with the person that you are and the depth of your connections to other people.

There have been so many people in my life that I felt a huge connection to and then, as you say, years later they are almost like strangers. My sister, on the other hand, still has deep connections to people that she never sees or talks to.

It may be attributable to your "memory" of the connection. You lose the memory of how close you were and naturally act like a stranger when you see that person again. Perhaps people have always considered you (or me) to be a little "aloof" or "cool".

Try running up and hugging someone as if no time has passed and see if that rekindles the connection.

Answer 2

Most people don't really stop caring - for the most part, new experiences and new challenges get in the way. We are always meeting new people, doing new things and whatever is in front of us must, by proximity, take priority in our lives. And, people do change. Interests drift to other things. Stuff happens!

For the most part, it's a matter of choice. You need to decide to keep those connections alive. I still have a friend from the 6th grade I keep in touch with (I'm now 41). We don't connect much, but I still went out to his wedding. We still exchange cards & occassional e-mails. I got a birthday card from his mom last year.

If it's really bothering you, make an effort to rekindle those connections. I send post cards or holiday cards out to a short list of people. I seldom get much back, but I try. Eventually, if it's important enough - that bond should grow back. It won't be the same, but that doesn't mean it can't still be a great friendship.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

well some people are fake so some of them choose to "not keep in contact" others? who knows sometimes life does that.but to tell you the truth? what i believe? anyone who is your "real friend" will never "Drift away" or go in different directions. i mean people move start families and stuff but people who are your real friends?, can pick up a conversation no matter how long time has passed. that shows a real friend. those other people who stopped caring never really did in the first place.

Answer 4

This is possible, because certain people are easier to deal with when not around. Before you know it- you are not dealing with them anymore at all. First it's one week... then two... then months... then years. It could be because something embarrassing happened, ... or you were being wronged- maybe vice versa- ... there could be so many reasons for this to happen..... the bottom line is, these people didn't continue to be an important part of your life, because they didn't add to the quality of your life.... or you didn't benefit them in any way.

Answer 5

People just grow apart....it's a sad part of life. I think part of the reason is that people don't make enough of an effort to work and maintain their friendships. After a while, you're on automatic pilot and you think that the person will always be around...and then he/she is gone. Then you think too much time has passed and you think it's not going to work if you try to reconnect. Too much thinking involved. I couldn't explain it either but I totally can relate to what you're saying.

Answer 6

Sometimes it's because one friend gains or loses an interest. I've recently decided to not stop drinking, but stop drinking so frequently, and so I've become disconnected with my old friends who like to party all the time. Other times, it's because someone gets involved in a romantic relationship, and they fail to maintain close ties with the people that matter to them.

Answer 7

well i dont think people stop caring as much as they run out of time. I personally have had the same thing happen to me, and it makes me very sad everytime i think about it, but its just both mine and my friend's lives were so busy that we barely had time for each other and thus drifted apart.

Another reason could be that when you get to know somebody very intimately, or spend a lot of time with them, you begin to see the bad aspects of them and you both agitate and annoy each otehr more, and therefore subciously (i did not spell that right) stop wanting to be freinds.

but most of the time i believe the culprit is time itself

Answer 8

i think were in the same situation.i had this guy before and its too late for me to realize that he means a lot to me.he's gone and he dont wanna show up.he was the sweetest guy i've known but now the connection wasnt there anymore.its not that they dont care anymore.maybe its just their way of having us think and miss them more.i just hope both of us have our love ones come back.

Answer 9

ppl grow up they get a life and move on. It's just the way it is. Your life changes and so does everything else.

Answer 10

Life gets busy. Don's take it to heart.