I have some other good ones but this is the best:
rain falling down
cold and hard
like the tears in my eyes
im holding in
my breath dances with a pitter patter
beat
as a chills sent through me
when raing hits my
feet
like the stars in the sky
it reflects off the ground
an image of me
in a puddle around
i realize who ive been
isnt who i want to be
and the one i love
isnt near me
as the water soaks through
down to my skin
i wonder how
we could of been
random like the rain
falling down
on and off
while the suns behind clouds
never easy to hold
or there to stay
our love always
washing away
is it okay to feel the pain
more than once
or should lighting only
hit one place once
should we stay apart
now
not to mix again
till we hit hard ground
loud, i hear voices
boom all around
if i love you
why and how
its unexplainable
to describe how i feel
like how something falls
out of nowhere
if rain can do it
then why cant i
lets go for it all
lets reach for the sky
2007-02-16 13:46:55 · 15 answers · asked by So is your face 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
I really liked it!! Its just speaks to anyone who has been in love and had their heart broken...
I don't know what others think, but I've enjoyed it and would like to see it published
2007-02-16 13:55:27 · answer #1 · answered by jpcjulia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quite honestly, this is a disaster that sounds trite and old.
This theme has been done too many times before, and the rhymes make it worse.
Several words are misspelled so please use a dictionary and thesaurus next time; finally, please keep trying!
Writing poetry is hard work, and it doesn't pay, but if you continue to ask for honest feedback you can only get better.
Here is a good website for submitting your works: http://www.poetry.com
2007-02-16 14:23:12 · answer #2 · answered by mysterycat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly it sounds like an evanescence song. You can do better than this, try not to lock yourself into a rhyme scheme. It sounds like what you want to say would best be expressed in free prose. You should try and free yourself a bit, then post the results later.
2007-02-16 13:52:07 · answer #3 · answered by ThisMachineIsObsolete 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't know what anybody else has said but I do know that is a great poem and I believe it is worth publishing!
2007-02-16 13:59:53 · answer #4 · answered by milthistagent 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm no expert, but I think it's good. Next time go ask a friend, people can steal your work online if unpublished
2007-02-16 13:56:39 · answer #5 · answered by royaleagle26 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For what I guess to be your age, this is good. In terms of publishing, keep dreaming and keep writing.
2007-02-16 14:47:30 · answer #6 · answered by remymort 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its awesome go get it published. It should get published right away, No Joke!!!!!!!!
2007-02-16 13:50:03 · answer #7 · answered by Rob 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its a very nice poem
2007-02-16 13:50:31 · answer #8 · answered by Zezo Zeze Zadfrack 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like it :)
don't know if it is publishable or not. but that's just cause I don't know that sort of things.
:)
and thanks for your kind comment earlier :)
2007-02-16 14:05:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is GREAT!! Wish I could read your others!!
2007-02-16 13:52:39 · answer #10 · answered by E-Razz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋