Should I have a baby. ( Read information )?

Question

I Have a husband whom is in the army Getting ready to go to iraq in july. I love him very much and we have a wonderful relationship. I do NOT belive in abortion and would never have one. I am Madly in love with my husband but since he is going to Iraq and.... Might not come back . We have thought about it. I have been asking for months and he has said in a couple of years. Well on V-Day he said he wanted to have a baby before he leaves for iraq.I know I would be a good mother but I am A smoker (Heavy.) I would have to quit along with drinkign which wouldn't be an Issue. I love children and so does he. He would make a wonderful father. Incase he doesn't come back I want to have a part of him always and I would defiantly want a child with him. I always wanted children. But Now I am having a second thought mode and wondering If I should.

Answer 1

I would wait until he comes back... because he may not, and you already know that. A lot of people will say it's a great way of carrying on his legacy or whatever, but you have to realize that you would be a single mom with no child support, and your child would never have it's "real" father. Sure he would have gone with honor, but he would still be gone, and the reality could be harsh. I think that if you are planning a pregnancy it would be best for everyone involved if you wait. Plus you will be going through the pregnancy and possibly newborn time alone no matter what. I know I sound negative, but these are the issues I would worry about if it were me. I am sure after all his time gone I am sure you two will both have plenty of baby-making energy! And knowing you plan on having a baby when he returns is something you can both look forward to while he is away! Good luck, whatever you may decide.

By the way, you could use the time he is gone to work on quitting smoking, that way if you have more trouble than you think you will you have time to work on it! You could also start pre-natal vitamins and such to be in top shape for when you become pregnant!

Answer 2

rWell you have to make the final decision. However this is a very complex situation.

Reasons to have the baby: Husband could die and you have a child left in his memory.

Reasons not to have a baby: Your husband may not come back. You have to stop drinking and smoking. Your child would be raised without his father and you wouldn't have his help. A baby needs a lot of care and attention. You home by yourself ain't gonna do it. Plus, what's the point of having a child with him if the child is gonna barely see him.


I would suggest not to have it now. He needs to quit the army. If he can quit now, you need to work on the smoking and drinking. You ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO STOP. You don't wanna get drunk and hurt the baby and secondhand smoke spreads easy. It clings on to clothes, furniture and lingers in the air. Air freshener isn't the way. You don't wanna harm your newborn.

I know you want a part of him, but a baby isn't just a token, you have to be able to handle it. Also loving children doesn't mean you have to have one. Being a GOOD mother takes blood, sweat, and tears(blood unliterally).

It is your choice. But if you choose to have the child you need support from family and friends. The web cam isn't a bad thing but there is still that distance missing. Not being able to hold or cuddle the baby.It it is a good idea. Even if the child would know his/her father, what if he died suddenly. What would you do then?

Answer 3

Go with your heart. Having a baby is a tough decision and I know some people will probably say you are being selfish but I think of it as a gift to your husband, something else for him to look forward to on his return from Iraq.
Don't think about the finances because if you did, you would never have a child.
But even if you are having second thoughts about the baby, quitting smoking and drinking would be better for your health. I am no preacher but they are both contributing factors to the numbers 1 & 2 killer of women in the country.
If you really want to do this, also start taking extra folic acid, this has been shown in studies to help in the prevention of premature babies.

Answer 4

First of all you should always have a positive faith that he will come home. My brother was sent to Iraq twice, the first time was not long after him and his wife miscarried. Then he went and came back. When he got back though they had a baby. Their baby was about 4 months old and he was deployed again for another 11 months. He was still able to watch his daughter grow thanks to the internet and web cams. Him and his wife would set a time to where they could both get online and he could see his daughter.He talked to her everytime he called home and she knew her daddy's voice. They say the baby can remember the voices and sounds it hears in the womb so have your husband talk to your belly often during the pregnancy. I think it would be a wonderful idea and there is always the Family Readyness Group that will offer alot of great support while your husband is deployed. I hope this has helped some make a decision. You just have to think positive, my brother said that it helped him alot when he was deployed that his family and friends though positive about his safe return. Message me at the smily face with my same name if you want to talk more about this.

Answer 5

Well.... you are saying all these wonderful things about what good parents you both would be and how you would like to have a part of your husband. First of all, you have to stop thinking that he may not return home, and try to keep a positive attitude about him leaving (as hard as that may be). If you are so sure about how wonderful you both would be, just have the baby. It's a good way to get you to stop drinking and smoking any way, don't just stop for nine months, stop 4 ever. All good could come out of it. But the decision is yours. You have to deal with the baby alone until your husband comes back. R U ready for that?

Answer 6

Having a baby is a big step for anyone. You need to consider the finances should you become a single parent. But putting that all aside, if you love him and want that baby, have one. If you wait till you think you're ready you might loose out. So I say if you're ready get pregnant and pray he returns. As far as smoking and drinking, yes you need to quit or at least slow down. When I was pregnant I had morning sickness 24/7 so I didn't smoke or drink. If you love your husband enough to want part of him, them love the baby enough to quit.

Answer 7

First and foremost, please send thanks to him, for the great sacrafice he is making. He along with all the other men and women are the reason, we can be writing to each other like this. So hats off to our men and women in uniform!! Secondly, if it's the smoking stopping you, quit! I did. My husband and I wanted a child when we first got married, and he and I both decided, if we were going to bring an innocent little human being into this world, we were going to give them a fighting chance from conception. Thirdly, take it from me, if you love each other and both want this, do it. I must give a little back story. My brother committed suicide in '96 and at the time he had a 5yr. old son. I thank God every day, that he had that child. He is now going to be 16 next month, and not a day goes by that I'm not thankful, for him just being. He lives out of state, but everytime I see him, I see his walk, talk, sense of humor and just the pride I know that my brother must be feeling everytime he watches him from heaven. So if your thinking of having a baby do it. You won't be sorry. I have 2 beautiful little girls, that are my life and my reason for being here. They make life full... of life, laughter and hope. Good luck and God Bless you both!!

Answer 8

I would definately have the baby hunny. The cigs and alcohol won't carry you until the end. I"m positive it wont give you the happiness the baby can give you. I hope your husband comes back also! I would really think about this. Also, sometimes it takes a little time to get pregnant, how much time do you guys have before he goes back to iraq? Do youahve to work, insurance, housing etc?? I would definatley follow your heart hunny. I will keep ur husband in my prayers!

Answer 9

You know, I think that you should! Having a baby is a wonderful thing, and you don't have to quit smoking for forever. Just in case, God Forbid though, your husband doesn't make it back, you will still have someone to remember him by. As long as you are comfortable with the idea, I think that you should go for it!

God bless you and your husband and good luck with the baby! And a big thank you to your husband for serving our Country, he is definitely special!!!

Answer 10

Don't have a baby if you are not ready. What I would suggest is that you have your husband place his sperm in a sperm bank for future use. If he doesn't come back from Iraq, then you will have the option of becoming pregnant with his child. Hopefully, this will be a decision that you will not have to make and he will come home healthy and happy to see you.