she lives in my neighborhood,and she hangs with older men between early & late 20's.I told her mother about it,but she says she don't care,cause she says it's her life.I'm concerned about her,and she's like a daughter to me.How can I convience her that she's heading for trouble?And plus she don't have a father.
2007-02-16 09:17:16 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Don't underestimate your influence on this girl. You've known her forever, and have been in a role of nurturing and authority. So, probably somewhere deep in her subconcious, she really respects what you say.
I suggest you treat her like a kid sister--take her out for lunch or something, or just for a walk, and talk with her. Listen to her and try to hear why she's doing this stuff--she probably won't say it straight out, but you can tell if she's got low self esteem, is rebelling or is bored. Then tailor your conversation to whatever that need is. Make sure you are open and caring and she knows she can turn to you. That way even if she doesn't listen to you now, she'll still turn to you if she needs it.
There's a chance she's looking for attention from these men that she's not getting from her mom or she's trying to shock her mom into paying attention to her. If she doesn't have a father, she may be looking for a father figure the only way she knows how. The best thing for someone like this is counselling. . .but that's not your responsibility. Though, you can consider talking to the counselor at her school. Another good thing for people like this is to get attention from appropriate places--like from you.
You sound like a very caring person. Please believe that just by being there and expressing concern to her you are making a difference. It may not seem like it right away, but you really are.
2007-02-16 09:33:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
there really isnt much u can do and i say this cuz i am 18 and was similar at a young age..i did things i shouldnt of done and it still affects my life..mainly emotionaly
if u come across to strong in a mother way it might cause he to not wanna talk to u or take in wat ur saying..come off in a more friend way,....let her know ur not trying to preach at her u just worried..the best thing u can do is offer her a shoulder..b a person she can come to and tell things a gurl couldnt tell her mother..a gurl as young as 14 dosnt c wat things she does now can affect her future..so really telling her that isnt going to mean anything to her..if any thing just b there for her and let her make her own choices and hopefully if u can get her to open up she will c for herself shes going down a negative path
obviously she dosnt have a strong mother figure and no father figure so if u try u could make a major impact in her life in a good way
i was young my dad treated me bad so i found comfort in men but it was men who reminded me of my dad that i found comfort in and thats what most young females do who dont have a father figure..
also keep in mind u think different than a young girl put ur self in a 14 year olds shoes and hope for the best thats all u can do
2007-02-16 09:35:10 · answer #2 · answered by rainbow200 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to the girl. Tell her how much she means to you and tell her about your opinion on her hanging out with these 20's men. Also, tell her that you will always be there for her. Then maybe spend the day together. Do something nice for her so she notices how strong your bond is and how much you care about her. Then when she knows, talk to her again. If she didn't listen to you the first time, she might listen to you after all of that.
2007-02-16 13:30:10 · answer #3 · answered by Small Fry 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Life is tough, and often the people we love and would like to see grow into great, productive members of society who do what they love and are bound by nothing end up bitter and under tons of self-inflicted pressure.
Be a good friend. That's all you can really do. Be a good mentor to her. Try to show her how to protect herself (if already sexually inclined). There are things she seriously needs to know.
You're in a tight spot since she has no parental supervision and she's at the EXACT age in which people rebel against anything. So be patient, above all.
Good luck to you. And to her.
2007-02-16 09:34:58 · answer #4 · answered by Mario E 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do is spend time with her and be a positive role model. Show her that you get your self-confidence from within yourself, and you don't look to men to make you feel good about yourself. Show her that a woman can be strong and independent. Explain to her that you only enter into relationships with men that are respectful and loving.
Don't directly bring up the topic of the older men, because it sounds like she wants attention and she would keep running around with those guys just to get attention from you.
2007-02-16 09:24:50 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Lucky♥ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
just sit down and talk to her about it. coming from a trusted person that she knows, this should make her evaluate her options. try to find some other people who have been through the same thing that she is going through and have them talk to her as well. this way she can see what kind of life those people lived through and will give her more of a reality check as to why she should not do things like that. hope this helps. good luck.
2007-02-16 10:27:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you told her exactly what you just typed??? You could try taking her to a group home where young teenage moms are sent. Or look online, you might find a couple in your neck of the woods, that might be willing to chat with her... Good luck, it's heartbreaking.
2007-02-16 09:21:24 · answer #7 · answered by Mic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just keep talking to her but if you feel that you need to stop it now then contact Social Services and see if there is any thing that they can do. Sounds like the mother dont care about her. You take the stand and try to help. Good Luck.
2007-02-16 09:22:37 · answer #8 · answered by karen v 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Leona -
The only thing you can do is be there for her. Try to lead by example.......maybe invite her to hang out at your house more often. Try to set a good example for her and when she gets
into trouble........be there.......don't judge....just be there because
if her mom really said that..........she is just going to knock the
girl when she gets in trouble and she will REALLY need someone caring like you in her life.
2007-02-16 09:28:29 · answer #9 · answered by Trish 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sit them down and talk to them and tell them you'll report the moth to child service and your daughter will it up in foster care if the mother doesn't grow up and mature and take responsibilities for here actions.
2007-02-16 09:24:40 · answer #10 · answered by stacy 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋