how many british politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Question

any views???

Answer 1

none.....initially it would take someone to suggest it in the house, 14 people and £100,000 to resolve a quango to work out if the bulb wanted to be changed, £1,000,000 in lawyers fees to determine whether the lightbulb was able to have rights, and 23 people and an electrician to determine that it was daytime and the light was solar powered, thus coming under the authority of some quasi-neo sepratist green peace eco-programme that was trying to phase out electricity in the first place.....

Answer 2

All of them.....and most of the Civil Service.

Consider the problem, if you will.

Changing a light-bulb may seem like a simple task, but the original bulb needs to be checked by the appropriate department, then withdrawn under the strictest supervision by a politician wearing safety-gloves who has attended the appropriate "safety awareness seminar" due to health & safety regulations.

There would then have to be a special-committee to discuss the relative merits of conventional bulbs versus energy-saving bulbs, with a written question submitted to a hastily convened "light procurement sub-committee" consisting of sitting MP's holding torches or bearing candles.

Their considerations would then have to be passed to the leader of the opposition, who would then raise the matter in parliament during Prime Minister's qestions, with appropriate reference to early-day motions from those MP's who want to be heard rather than seen (at least until the new bulb is fitted).

The discussion could be further complicated if the proposed new bulb was made outside the EU, for it may indeed fall foul of quotas, and in any event, there would be stringent tests to ensure that the proposed item met with EU approval, and carried the appropriate mark to show the same.

Then there would have to be a "Select Committee" which would discuss the voltage of the bulb, and report back to the house with their findings; with special reference to voltage fluctuations in the National Grid, and the effect of these upon the working-life of the new bulb.

Then there would have to be various press-releases, to demonstrate that the government were doing everything in their power to conserve energy, and at the same time, use public money wisely.

The opposition would question every aspect of the procedures, and ensure that an all-night sitting would be required, even though no-one would be able to see very much in the dark.

In the meantime, a passing migrant Polish janitor seeing the failed bulb, would rummage around and find a soap-box, climb upon it while singing a Polish folk-song, reach up, remove the bulb and insert a new one.

The next day, the paper would carry the headline:-

"MIGRANT WORKERS FLAUT SAFETY LAWS AT WESTMINSTER"

At this point, Mr Blair would call a hasty press-conference and attend an emergency debate; clearly laying the blame on the opposition, and sending in Dr.Reid, who would declare the 'Ministry of Public Buildings and Works' as "unfit for purpose."

Meanwhile, Mr Blair would pose for the cameras, and suggest that "We (pause)have identified the problem, taken (long pause)the appropriate action and we will (pause) press for a tightening-up of the legislation and (pause) a review of safety procedures."

The new light-bulb would, of course, be the only one in history which produced more heat than light, and offer not a glimmer of hope for the future.

Answer 3

If they are like American politicians, it will take all of them to form a committee to discuss it, the committee will meet in6 months to discuss plans, another 6 months to accept bids of the contractors that will change it, and another committee to approve the bids. A general forum to approve the spenditure, and a committee to authorize the spending. And some 4 years later, a new congress will be voted in, and the process will start over again, to make sure that they approve of the previous congress's findings. And in the mean time, everyone is still in the dark.

Answer 4

At least they will probably change them if it was in the US you would probably have to give a bribe for a politician to change a light bulb especially the good old Bush Administration.

Answer 5

Uh, twelve? Six to form a committee on light bulbs, two to appropriate funds, two who spend all their time justifying the existence of their jobs by defining all the legal terms to be used for the lightbulb change, one to act as press secretary, and one to find some flunky to do it once the project has been sufficiently mired in red tape. Just a thought...

Answer 6

in accordance to me if u are searching for Indian politicians to do the pastime, right here scenario could ensue First there could be a committee setup to be sure no remember if u actual % the bulbs. The committee could take its very own candy time to be sure no remember if or not the bulbs are certainly needed. Then there could be a tussle over the caste of the persons needed to alter the bulb. A law could % to be exceeded making it needed to % a minimum of one SC/ST/OBC for the style of a job. and then they could take their own candy time in offering with the artwork tension. via the time all this could ensue ...you are able to have made up your concepts to alter them your self. Too gud a question ..... kudos!!

Answer 7

Ok, lets count.

*A politician notices the bulb is gone (+1)
*He reports it to someone whose job it is to notice these things (+1)
*He gathers some of his friends together and they start complaining to the media about the lightbulb and how the person meant to notice didn't (+5)
*The Prime Minister steps in and starts saying how this is another attempt to undermine him (+1)
*Leader of the Opposition steps up and goes on about coverups and failings (+1)
*A gang of the prime minister's cronies turn on him and come up with a twisted story of corruption. (+3)
*A guy in a backroom somewhere hears about it, and goes gets someone to fix the lightbulb- meanwhile a political debate and media scandal 'rock the nation' despite the public having very little interest in any of the proceedings, and everything's blown way out of proportion in an attempt to gain publicity. Finally someone gets fired, and some positions are shuffled. (+1)

In the end, it takes 13 politicians to fix the lightbulb, which is a slight co-incidence that happily refers to the person who noticed the bulb was gone in the first place- him being the one who was fired.

Answer 8

Two. One to change the bulb and the other to push the ladder out from under him.

Answer 9

None. The Queen merely holds the lightbulb over her head, and the entire British colony revolves around her.

Answer 10

None
They would much rather keep the British public in the dark!