Long story short. I am a nice, decent semi-attractive girl. I respect everyone and do my best. However, I don't date at all or really talk to guys. People have called me a lesbian and I hardly know them.
This really hurts, and this was at church when they said this. I do forgive them.
My reason is my dad was very abusive verbally, mentally, and emotionally, and if he communicated it was always negative, and mean. As a result I don't date as I fear men will hurt me, or worse.
So, why do people say mean things?
2007-02-16 07:10:53 · 13 answers · asked by * 1 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
There is something that we have to understand about people|
For a bad person, if there is doubt in his mind about the standing of a thing or person, he will always judge it in the worst way possible, shedding the worse light possible on it|
For a good person, if there is doubt in his mind about the standing of a thing or person, he will always judge it in the best way possible, giving the best possible interpretation of it|
So if you are being judged negatively, then that is a judgment on him, not you|
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2007-02-16 10:36:36 · answer #1 · answered by Catholic Philosopher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are several possible explanations for this. I do not know you, so I might be off...I am only going by what I perceive about you from what I've read.
You say that you do not date or look at guys. Perhaps you take your non-sluttiness to an extreme, to the point that you appear aloof or even snobby to the boys? I've heard that it is easy for people to mistake shyness for snobbiness...it happened to me, back when I was extremely shy in the 6th grade. Maybe the boys think that you think you are "too good to talk to them," and they feel a little hurt, so they mock you(e.g., calling you a Lesbian) to shield their feelings.
Or, it could be that perhaps most of your peers are frequently dating, and may judge you to be "nerdy" because you aren't. That is no reason for people to make fun of you. I'm not saying it is right, I'm just trying to think of why the peers might be doing this to you.
Adolescents tend to have a lot of self-insecurity and self-esteem issues. This usually results in kids attempting to raise their own self-esteem by picking on the peers that look the most vulnerable. Perhaps some people are aware of your fear of guys, or even your family problems? Or worse, perhaps your "fear of guys" shows in your body language? People probably sense these insecurities that you have, and make fun of you because maybe they figure that you are "too scared" of them to stand up for yourself.
Now that I stated the possible reasons that kids may start trouble with you(despite you avoiding them, let alone being mean to them at all!), I have to say that perhaps you should talk to a trusted adult or close friend about some of the family problems that you went through. Perhaps they can help you to build confidence, so that you will not be fearful of all men. It is important for you to become happy with who you are, and perhaps a trusted adult may help you. Talking about problems can help out a lot.
2007-02-16 15:32:22 · answer #2 · answered by buffalo_billz_2003 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dear a,
I also was reared by a bully and understand that is hard to overcome the fears this instills in us. Though i am a man I still bear troubling emotional and self defeating behaviors from my childhood experiences with my father. You, like myself, have erected imagined fears about interacting with others and have unwittingly trained your unconcious self to shy away from new experiences. To overcome this is alot easier than you may think. As you approach new life experiences with men you should resist your usually self defeating conclusions and reactions which are now automatic responses from your subconcious and attempt to make choices that will lead to overcoming your imaginary fear you've built as a wall to successful interaction with men. Succeed or fail, you will have done better than before and at least eventually may overcome the problem. Once you find that this is a better way of achieving what you are after you will find you have retrained your unconcious self in a successfull healthy manner and be happier for it.
As to others saying mean things to you , it is a problem within their own life, such as inferiority complexes, which is a self defeating problem of theirs.
Good luck a
I hope this helps at least a bit
2007-02-16 15:31:52 · answer #3 · answered by carpentryman05 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People tend to judge everyone. Polite and wise people keep their thoughts to themselves. Especially when there is no real evidence to support what they may be thinking. You can not control what other people think or say or do. You can control your own reaction to them. It may be difficult at first but don't allow such people to disturb your peace of mind. You've had enough abuse. Imagine yourself inside a giant bubble. You can allow loving, positive people inside and although they are visible, the others do not matter. They may be envious of you and the others inside your bubble and try to burst it. But this bubble is strong. Nothing outside of it can damage it and only those you want in can get inside with you. Practice visualizing this or something like it daily and each time you see any of these people. They really don't matter.
2007-02-16 15:30:25 · answer #4 · answered by babydoll 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't believe the thing about "Life gets better after high school".
It's not true, most people are the same idiots after graduation.
Forget your Dad, do what you will and have fun!
2007-02-19 05:28:16 · answer #5 · answered by Croa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like your in school...
People are mean...but don't worry about it, it gets better after high school.
Pay those name calling losers No Mind..and you will have tons of time to date after high school..College is very fun and life after college is better too..
I see alot of warm times in your future..
2007-02-16 15:18:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People judge out of fear. You are living with alot of fear right now. You need to relax and focus on your spiritual self.
2007-02-16 15:19:14 · answer #7 · answered by bluegrass 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people are miserable and jealous filled individuals. So they want to make others feel as bad as they do. And they just talk about everyone and anyone. Must really suck to be them. Keep your chin up, God bless****
2007-02-16 22:00:26 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Each person has their own unique motive.
Common motives for such mocking are: manipulate you, fear you, they're jealous of you, or they too suffer from the same afflictions. Please, find happiness within yourself over ppl with their own motives. Then seek ppl who bring out your inner beauty. I have hope and faith that when you seek these you will find them.
2007-02-16 16:07:59 · answer #9 · answered by Giggly Giraffe 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People are quickest to Hate what(who) they don't know(except your dad..sounds like he hates everything) It is no reflection on you,and not knowing you well is there loss.
Stay yourself,Friendships will follow..
.....and what Bob said.(funny)
2007-02-16 15:23:28 · answer #10 · answered by .G. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋