The situation is, I am in love with my very best friend but she is in love and in a relationship with another. Everytime she talks about her lover or tells me what type of social things they are doing together or tells me in a round-about sort of way that they will be doing something romantic together, I hurt. I burst into tears (silently and alone), my stomach goes into knots and my heart races with anxiety. This has been going on for 2 years and I thought I would get more used to it and get over it and move on, but I'm not (I can't). Her friendship means the world to me and I don't want to loose her as a friend, but it is so hard to deal sometimes. Should I back off from the friendship or stick it out hoping that eventually I will be okay with everything?
2007-02-16 06:52:40 · 4 answers · asked by Amy P 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Wow, tough situation, Amy. I don't know too many lesbians who haven't been there, myself included.
I was going to tell you to tough it out, because things like this tend to resolve with some time.
But you say it's been two years, and the situation hasn't improved? After that much time, I don't see how anything will change by just giving it more time.
I think you have two options at this point.
1. Tell her how you feel. I know, I know, it could make things weird and awkward, and you could lose the friendship... but really, would you be any worse off than you are right now?
2. Phase out, like you said. If you don't want to risk a possible ugly ending by admitting your feelings, just slowly back away.
Yes, both options suck. But it seems clear that staying in the holding pattern you are in now sucks even MORE.
I wish you the best of luck with this situation, Amy.
Take care.
2007-02-16 07:00:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough situation for you, most definitely. Have you talked to your doctor about it? Professional advice could help you through this; perhaps some counselling sessions can be arranged. I think you'll have to find a way to get used to the fact that you must move on (without losing the friendship) and let your friend & her partner be together. In other words, you can't change the situation, and instead of letting it bother you and keeping you in a state of misery, you have to find a way to get your head (and your heart) to a new place ... a place of acceptance for their situation, and a place where you can find the inner peace that you need (and deserve.)
Please, see your doctor. Don't be shy about asking for professional advice. Just don't let this continue to consume you. You can rise above it, and the last thing you want is to have regrets about losing your best friend. And if you care for your friend, you don't want to have her hurt. Then again, maybe talking to your friend about this might be part of the answer. She might be able to help you in some way, too, to find peace and acceptance. Good luck.
2007-02-16 06:59:32 · answer #2 · answered by SB 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh man, that's a tough one. It's sounds like you're living the song "Save the best for last". You have to do what is emotionally healthier for you. I wish you the best of luck
2007-02-16 06:58:06 · answer #3 · answered by gitsliveon24 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i guess back off but keep in touch. if she ever asks why. tell her the truth. it might be hard but it's alot easier than watching her with someone else who you know will never love her as much as you do or treat her as good as you could.
believe me it's hard but it's the best thing for you.
2007-02-16 07:02:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋