soon to be 18, serious answers only. Please?

Question

My daughter is going to be 18 in 3 months. she hasn't finished high school, and she has no interest in finding a job. basically she doesn't leave the house very much at all. My husband says when she turns 18, he's going to make her get her G.E.D. and find a job. she's a very shy girl and I am thankful that she's not out drinking, doing drugs or having sex. I understand his point that she's doing nothing with her future but how do we get her to get out of her shyness and get with life. we won't always be around, and then what will she do? my husband and I argue all the time over stupid things because I don't want to just push her out of the house if she's not ready only to have her move back in with us later. what' s a parent to do?

Answer 1

wow that's a tough one. my daughter was very shy too. she would even turn her head when the teacher would speak to her. when she was about 7 years old. i started taking her every place i went. so she would have to be around people, around my friends, especially my friends with kids her age. she started to interact with them. you might try that if you have friends with kids her age. my daughter grew out of it. she is fine. had a job at the bank. you sure have to talk to people there. no don't push her out. scary place for a shy girl to be on the street. who knows what would happen to her.
you need to sit and discuss this with your husband. calmly, as adults. arguing over little things wont resolve the problem. it will just cause resentment. and could also make things worse with your daughter.

Answer 2

Why have you allowed her to flounder this long? You should have been making sure she was in school and doing her schoolwork. Once you decided not to do that, you should have AT LEAST made sure she got a job. By being so easy on her you are teaching her that she doesn't HAVE to do anything with her life. Sometimes the only way to learn a lesson is to fall flat on your face a couple of times.

Shyness is no excuse. Neither is the fact that she doesn't go out drinking. You need to act like a parent. I totally agree with your husband, you need to make her step up and behave like an adult, because that is what she will be. Her messes will be HER messes. You need to supply her with the tools to be a success in life and not making her get an education or a job does not teach her anything except how to mooch off mom and dad.

If she isn't in school, she should be paying rent, her own car, her own car insurance, her own "fun" money, and her own cell phone, internet, etc. She should be helping out around the house by cleaning, cooking, watching younger siblings, etc. This girl must be taught that nothing in life is free and most of it comes at a pretty hefty price.

Answer 3

Is she the only child? It seems like she is really attached to you. I am thinking that she is depressed because she is growing up and knows that she has to face challenges, the real world and is probably afraid to grow up. It seems as if she is not very sociable. I was kind of like her. I was sad because I was graduating from high school and all my friends were going to split up and go off to different colleges. But sit down and talk to her. Ask her what is in her heart, what does she feel, is she depressed, sad or scared. Encourage her. Invite some of her friends over, have a slumber party, take them out to small trips. Try attending some type of church youth groups. Also the fighting with your husband is not helping. Both of you need to come to grips and be united. She is probably feeding off of the division between the 2 of you and knows that mom will back her up no matter what, and father probably feels as though he is losing authority and has no input in the situation. Try working something out with hubby and support him in what is to be the final outcome. Allow & help him make wise decisions. A book that I highly recommend for the whole family, especially for your daugther, The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.......God Bless You All

Answer 4

I think your husband is right, but that his attitude is ALL WRONG!!!

Both of you need to work on your relationship with her, as well as get her:

--A physical check up to see if there could be something hormonal or otherwise to cause her to feel/act/behave the way she does.

--Testing for depression and treatment if needed.

--Counseling, REGARDLESS of what the doctor or the counselor say or do. She's been going on in this fashion for some time now. It's not going to go *poof* overnight between age 17 and the stroke of midnight before her 18th birthday when she suddenly turns from being a wall flower into being a social butterfly.

--Somebody, preferably multiple somebodys, will make an effort to connect and bond with this girl to get through her shyness wall.

Forcing her to go to work will only result in failure. Forcing her to go to school will only result in failure. Such force is only addressing the SYMPTOM(S) your daughter is exhibiting, and force simply becomes a new problem and failure for her. Everybody will lose. Guaranteed.

However, I don't think it is wrong to tell her what you expect at some reasonable point in the future and then sit down with the job listings, tell her it soon will be time to enroll for her GED,....

I predict that nobody, ESPECIALLY your husband, has much of any clue whatsoever as to what her hopes and dreams were/are for her life OR whether she has any at all--much less a plan for how to encourage and support her through any of this. Does anybody at all even know what her talents are? Has anybody ever observed her to discern her skills and talents? Has anybody ever bothered to ask HER what she likes, thinks she's good at?

Please get busy honey, you got work to do and not much time to spare. That girl is un-anchored and is drifting and has been for a long time and THAT'S the real crime here.

Answer 5

I had a friend that was very shy when I was younger and since I was the more aggressive one I just took her with me all over town and hang out with people at school. She broke out of her shyness after a few years and now she is just like me, she loves talking to people and has a job as well.
If you are worried about her having a condition, ask a doctor, like someone else said above me.
Hope it helps!

Answer 6

Take her down to the local recruiting office. The military does a lot of good for young kids. Seriously. She could go to school, learn a trade, have a place to sleep, 3 meals a day. It's really a good set up. She can retire in 20 years with a good pension if she tries to advance herself. I would recommend the airforce. Hardly any combat duties in that branch compared to the others.

Answer 7

Sit her down and ask her what she really likes to do. How does she like to enjoy her time. If she is interested in art, singing, dancing, or even computers. Tell her you'll help her find something she is good at and likes to do and try to help her find a job. I believe thats a good way to start. and also stop fighting around her that may make her have some sort of complex.

Answer 8

You are on the right track. Education is key. After she gets her GED, encourage her to continue her education, part-time if need be. Also a part-time job while attending school is something so many young adults are doing.
Nonetheless, she is your child, and your responsibility for as long as it takes her to live up to your expectations.
If you are worried to much, there is nothing wrong with a little family counseling.

Answer 9

You should talk to her, if your husband wants to be present, then let him be. Explain to her that she does need to start and try to get on her feet, and sugest the G.E.D.
Let her stay with you untill she can afford her own place.
Help support her, and make sure she knows you're simply trying to help her secure herself, not pushing her out of your home.
She's your daughter and she's most likely scared to move on. She's been with you guys her entire life.
Talk to her like an equal, but treat her like your 18 year old daughter. Listen to her point of views and try and work out a plan that she can complete.

Answer 10

chances are she is depressed. i know because i suffer from depression. it is a tough time for a person to go through. i went through the same thing as a teenager and i am now 21. just be there for her so she knows that you are there for her. take her to the doctor to see if she has this. they will talk to her and find out what is bothering her and what her feelings are. if she does have depression, they will give her some medicine to help out. this may be something that she is going to go through for a long time. i have been dealing with mine for around 10 years now. hopefully she will recover quick and not have to suffer like that but i just wanted to let you know that it may take some time for her to get better. you also might want to visit www.allaboutdepression.com
it may be .org i am not sure about which so try both. that should help you out. hang in there, with the right help and the right people behind her, she will be just fine. hope this helps. good luck.