I'm a liar who is repenting and wants to change, but I'm having difficulties. Help?

Question

I'll be honest, I'm a compulsive liar who lies to impress and fit in. Sometimes I lie for no reason (that bad).

I want to break this awful habit and become a completely honest person. I've found that lying only complicates life and inhibits me from getting close to anyone. However, to do this I feel I have to confess every lie I've told.

I've lied to my closest mates at Uni (of 2+ years) about my family life, my history, and what I do at home. They are curious and I want to tell them the truth, but I've a feeling that it would not end well as one of them is quite short-tempered and judgmental about people (this one happens to be my closest friend in college).

I was contemplating on opening up to them after we graduate because I can't really afford to make any enemies in college if it goes pear-shaped (I need to be focused on getting my degree), but the guilt and shame of being a liar is eating me up.

I would really appreciate some advice and some opinions. Cheers

Answer 1

Don't overpromise. Many lies feel necessary because you've gotten yourself into a situation and you don't know how to get out of it. You can start by not overcommitting yourself with other people. Only promise what you can realistically do.
Don't make up too many rules for yourself. If you set yourself up by trying to be perfect, you will feel like you're failing and feel like you have to lie. Instead of "I am never going to be late for school again", try "I intend to stop being late as much as I reasonably can."
Are others making you stick to rules that aren't realistic? Many times parents, teachers, employers, boyfriends or girlfriends box us into a corner by making us follow their strict rules. If you are in such a situation, you will find that you are lying because you can't possibly live up to their expectations. You need to talk it out with them. You may not be entirely successful - sometimes you can't change your parent's ideas, but you can acknowledge to yourself that their expectation is ridiculous.
Is your heart in what you are doing? If not, try to find a way to make it so. You have to stay in school, so find something that you really are interested in. You need to have a job - find ways that you can enjoy some aspect of what you do.
Don't be so hard on yourself. When you find yourself telling a lie, check it out. Why did you? What was it you were trying to hide? Is there a way you can be yourself instead? Recognize the situations you tend to lie in, and start practicing just telling the truth.
A major lie? If you've gotten yourself into a really problematic situation with a major lie, consider the consequence. Coming out and admitting your mistake can make a world of difference, and sometimes the worst price is your self-esteem. That you can recover. If you can't do it, try a middle ground. Write a letter to yourself admitting what happened. Find a counselor who can listen to you and advise you. Getting it out of your head is the most important step toward stopping your torture.



Tips
Use your sense of humor to tell the truth. Laugh at yourself with other people. Just saying "Could I be any worse at managing my checking account?" out loud, rather than denying your problem can get you on the road to recovery.
Guess what - the definition of being human is that we are not perfect. You will never be perfect! Don't set yourself up thinking you should be.
Come right out with your primary feeling. "Sam, I am so completely embarassed by what I did. I'm hating myself. I told Kim you liked her, even thought you told me not to. Would you forgive me?"
When you admit that you are a liar you are nearly there.

Answer 2

Just know that people can tell when you are lying and exaggerating 80% of the time. Before you lie, think about what you would feel like if you lied and that person found out you were lying. Not worth it. Ghandi used to spend one day a week in complete silence to examine everything he WOULD have said. It's a good exercise to get yourself holding back and pondering. Taming the tongue is hard though. If you believe in God, pray for his help.

Even if you don't, you mind learn a lesson that will stop you from this by reading chapter eight of "Mere Christianity". It has a lot of truth, even for athiests and I know it helped me with this same problem a lot, as well as others. Saved my tail.

If these things don't work (as well as the other suggestions from users), seek therapy.

Answer 3

sounds like you have a lot of work to do on the inside. it is your own self image that you need to work on. you lie to fit in this image of whichever group you are with. Define yourself as a person, you interests and so forth and then learn to love yourself regardless of you who are with. you will find that you will be a much happier person for doing so.

Answer 4

a million John a million:9 says, "If we confess our sins, he's dedicated and easily to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." you're able to pay attention to Scripture--the confident and real be conscious of God--above the different source. God's voice warns and convicts, yet it does not convey condemnation; it brings desire and convenience to those that essentially repent. Condemnation is from devil. Fill your strategies with God's words from Scripture. If God is convicting you of sin and you experience truthful sorrow over dishonoring God, and you repent with the help of turning from sin to obedience, then your coronary heart has no longer hardened previous God's mercy. the potential and desire to repent is a cutting-edge of mercy and style from God. now's the time to tutor out of your sin. no longer something is certain different than this 2nd. a individual's coronary heart might properly be hardened slowly over the years-- or in one day. bypass to God in humble gratitude for His conviction and loving mercy. He loves you, Morgan! God says that if we return to Him, he will return to us: “I even have swept away your sins like a cloud. I even have scattered your offenses like the morning mist. Oh, return to me, for I even have paid the cost to set you loose.” Isaiah 40 4:22

Answer 5

Tell them you were thinking about becoming an attorney and were practicing. (Attorney's are known to lie and twist everything around.) Tell them after much consideration, you decided this is not something you want to earn a degree in afterall.

Answer 6

Really, just because you want to fit in doesn't mean you have to lie about yourself. Usually when i be myself, I make a few friends.