am i being selfish?

Question

ok i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we have a 3 month old daughter together. way before we were together he was with this chick who was married and got her pregnant. well she decided she wanted to give the baby her husbands last name and have her husband sign the birth certificate, and she moved off to Florida with her husband. well 6 months into our relationship when her husband found out that she is a cheater and doesn't want her anymore she all the sudden wants my boyfriend to be this kids father, mind you the kid is now 4 years old. well i know that my boyfriend has cheated on his ex before me with this girl, so i am uneasy about her coming around, but more so i do not like the fact that she just pops up and expects my boyfriend to be this kids father. Do i have a right to tell my boyfriend that i don't want him to have anything to do with this kid when the kid has some other guys last name and has been calling someone else dad? am i being selfish?

i am asking for helpful advice not insults please. and to drew_blood i have this to say you know just because your perfect idea of a perfect world is falling madly in love and getting married and having kids, doesn't mean thats everyone else's. why don't you get off your high horse and quit pushing YOUR values and beliefs on other people. SO what i didn't get married before having kids, this ain't the 50's, ever think thats the reason there is a 50% divorce rate in this country? because asses like you make people feel like that is the right thing to do. so later when they find out that they are not happy they can get a divorce. so you would rather a child go through the pain of seeing mommy and daddy divorce and think its their fault? whatever. people like YOU are whats wrong with this country, you are the reason people feel bad about themselves and commit suicide, you are the reason teen girls go and get botched abortions because they are to afraid to be cast as a unwed "sluts"

continued- so why don't you think about the way you talk to people because when your precious baby girls get older and we see them on girls gone wild and they come home pregnant and UNWED and you are wondering where you went wrong, just know there will be people treating them the way you treated me, and you aren't going to like it very much. So keep your "Christian" values, better yet shove them, because you aint perfect, and im sure you have some skeletons in your closet that you don't want being found. and i put Christian in quotes because true Christians do not judge, they forgive, and you just proved in your answer how Christian you are

Answer 1

I think that he should be involved with his kid, but NOT with his ex. I wouldn't want her around either. I would make sure that when she drops off or picks up the kid, you are around. Tell him that you do not waant him around her (because you don't trust her :)

Answer 2

So..............you dated a guy for 3 years, had sex, never got married, have a 3 month old daughter together, and now you're feeling threatened by the married women he impregnated 4 years ago because she wants him to be a father figure to his own kid? Not only are you being selfish, but I think you're a classic example of what's wrong with this country. So much for meeting somebody, dating somebody, falling in love, getting married, AND THEN starting a family together. And people wonder why their kids are getting into drugs, having sex, and getting arrested before they're old enough to drive! Look at the examples they have to follow!!!

Answer 3

Wow, you're going through a lot. A lot of drama that you just dont need. You are not being selfish by standing your ground and demanding rights. However, you have to understand that this Woman does have rights too. Even though they are not together they share a lifelong responsibility of a child. A child needs his father. Don't think of her selfish and manipulative actions but the rights she does have as a mother. He has to face up to his responsibilities and the mistakes he may have made in the past. That's what being a good man (and father) is about. Wouldn't you want him to take care of your daughter, no matter what happens to you two??

Answer 4

I'm not going to say selfish, just your upset and worried because of the child's mother. A child should be allowed and encouraged to know their biological parent, unless the parent is unfit and/or unworthy (drug abuse or any other abusive behavior). How would you feel if you and your BF split and another female decided she didn't want him to know or see your daughter? Because she decided to put her husbands last name on the birth-certificate I doubt she can sue for child support but letting the boy come to your home on visits is a good way to deal with the mother that your worried over

Answer 5

Think about the child, please. Whether the mother is a horrible person or not doesn't matter here.

I understand your feelings and fears, and that's something you're going to have to sort out on your own.

Be supportive of your husband and support his decision. In the long run, if you're not, you're going to find yourself in a bad place anyway.

Answer 6

You really only have the right to leave him. Oh yeah, and the right to make more bad decisions too.

Answer 7

no for me ur not selfish at all coz first of all that kids have diff.. name using.. if its really the son /daughter of ur bf let it check by DNA or blood test..

Answer 8

No. He spreads his seed, he needs to be responsible!