I am 21 one years old and I have a 1 year old son. I live with my husband of a year. He his very, very handsome and has a hot body and I look at him and I'm turned on and want to makelove to him but when it gets down to that part of it. I'm just not into it anymore. He is very patient, but I know it bothers him. Sometimes I think he thinks it is him but it is not!!I feel like I am letting him down everytime I say no but then I feel guilty after i say it cuz he just smiles and kisses me and snuggles and then he never says a negative word about it. Any advice how I can get imy sex drive back. Thank you for you time and responces. They are appreciatted!!!
2007-02-16 02:50:03 · 16 answers · asked by irish_pixie07 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Definitely see your Doctor, plus, and it may seem like an obvious answer, but 90% of the time the people who complain of a low sex drive are not physically fit. Having a baby messes with your body and your time, making it difficult to be healthy.
Daily, serious exercise is an amazingly effective thing. You will have more energy, feel better about yourself, and get you thinking in a more positive, body-aware way. It also tends to get your hormones in better balance; sex drive is tied directly to testosterone levels (yes, even in women), and exercise helps with that.
Sound body, sound mind.
2007-02-16 03:09:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
It could be because you had a child. From what I understand, some women undergo a change in their sex drive after child birth. My wife experienced the same thing for a year or so. You could try new things in bed, i.e., role playing, or more foreplay. You could visit a place like starship, or the love shack (porn shops) and experiment with toys, or different massage oils. Or, you could just need a break from what is normal in your relationship. Go out on a few dates, without making it about sex. Who knows, nothing may be wrong and you just need to be patient and give it some time. It sounds like you have a good thing going with your husband, maybe you're just stessed out with the baby. Find a sitter, and have some alone time to get relaxed. Best of luck to you.
2007-02-16 10:58:40 · answer #2 · answered by mixedup 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, the drugs marketed for men do not improve their sex drive, but only their physical function.
Viagra does not increase sex drive, it improves blood flow.
The main chemical driver in sex drive for both men and women is testosterone. Exercise increases testosterone. It looks like prescription therapy will likely be available to improve women's sex drives in the near future, in the form of testosterone gels or something similar that would be absorbed through the skin.
TO the orginal poster, if you can do it, try NOT saying no. Try saying yes, even though you're not in the mood. I'd also suggest that you encourage your husband to worry about himself. I suspect he tries very hard to please you during sex (so you'll enjoy it fully and want more), but that's probably putting pressure on you to not just have sex, but get _really_ into it, otherwise you're letting him down. You've had a baby. You don't have to need sex right now. You don't have to orgasm if you don't feel the need for one. If you can just drop your pants and have a quickie with your husband, then resume cuddling, you might feel a lot more relaxed, since there's no pressure on you to perform, and you know he's getting what he needs. I suspect that you'll actually start enjoying it more that way as well.
If you're really too tired and can't handle doing _anything_ with your husband, you could ask him to masturbate in front of you. You wouldn't have to do anything (except perhaps try to maintain an interested look on your face) and at least he wouldn't feel like he'd been demoted to room mate status.
2007-02-16 11:30:07 · answer #3 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem, and ive had it since I got pregnant and had my baby five months ago. As soon as I got pregnant sex left the building. It probably has something to do with the hormonal levels after having a baby (they can take over a year to go back to normal) also a new baby is very demanding and can cause y ou to lose interst, also mabye you subconsciously do not want another baby right now so you refuse sex for that reason. It could be many things. Speak to your doctor.
2007-02-16 12:00:48 · answer #4 · answered by jennyve25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sex drive will come back. Having a baby takes alot of your time and you start feeling like a mommy and that takes all your sexiness away. Try reading some trashy novels or watching a dirty movie. With a husband like that, just watching him would be all the turn on, I would need. Just give it to him anyway and you'll be enjoying sex once more Good Luck!
2007-02-16 11:03:08 · answer #5 · answered by Bonduesa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it takes a long time after having a baby to get your sex drive back. Go see your doctor and explain. There is stuff out there for women.
2007-02-16 10:53:29 · answer #6 · answered by Jewel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel the same way. It is very depressing that they make all these drugs and stuff for a man and his sex drive but nothing for the women. This world is so twisted! They want us to be a whore and a lady and a mom. WTF!?! I can't take it any more. I never get horny. Never. I don't know what to do. I hate sex with a passion but I love my husband to death. He is very handsome too and a very good man, but I hate *** time! I hate it! I would pay top $ for a viagra for women. Please, if you find the answer...let me know.
2007-02-16 11:18:09 · answer #7 · answered by Nobody Special 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thank goodness you have a good, patient husband. The same thing happened to me after my first child. I recommend talking to your doctor about it. I didn't, and I suffered for years. It didn't get better for me until after my second child was born. Good luck.
2007-02-16 10:57:55 · answer #8 · answered by ldgbt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey I went through the same thing ,it took me awhile to get it back,after my first child I never wanted to ,NEVER. But after my second child ,things felt different.I got ,believe it or not ,Spanish fly and Viagra for women,it helps .So dont think your the only woman thats going through it alot of women do.And my husband was sympathetic for me too.He understood it .You should talk to your husband about what your going through.
2007-02-16 11:05:45 · answer #9 · answered by Ms Scarlet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh, the joys of new motherhood. your hormones may still be out of wack. best idea is to go to your doc and tell him/her about it. they can help.
be thankful you have such an understanding husband! it is very mature of him to act the way he has been. you are blessed.
best of luck to you and your family!
ps - always know that with time, it will get better. no matter what the situation.
2007-02-16 10:56:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋