why would my mom do this to me?

Question

I am 16. Me and my mom were in the car. She was driving and I was in the backseat watching a movie on the pullout tv that is in our roof. She thought I wasn't listening but I had just reached a quiet part on the movie. I heard the radio say something like "a survey shows that eating fish while pregnate can actualy lead to a smarter child" and I wasn't supposed to hear but my mom said " oh thats the problem, I don't like fish." i know she ws talking about me because i am an only child. I talked to her later (not about what I had heard)and she told me that I was a mistake.

Answer 1

Listen, when I was about 4 I asked my mom where babies came from... and she told me in detail, then went on to tell me that I was supposed to be an abortion but she couldn't get the money in time, and told me in detail what an abortion was. So I have always known that I was a "mistake" and you know what- who cares? Hopefully your mom was joking, but if not then there are other people in your life who love and care about you and do not think that way. My mom never was a pleasent person, and she died this past year of Septic Shock, which is when your body shuts down, in her case from 20 years of drinking. Turns out she was just a misrable person, and I won't let her affect my life. If your mom really is that kind of person, then get the hell out of there and don't look back because I can promise you that you can have a wonderful happy life without her. I am a happily married mom of 2 now, driving the new car of my dreams and we are buying our first house in 2 weeks, I have hobbies I enjoy, friends who mean the world to me- and with or without my mother I still have other family who are there for me. You'll make it out okay hon, just remember sometimes other people want to knock you down, sometimes for no reason, but if you let them upset you too much they win. Take care, you sound like a great girl, and e-mail me if you need to talk to someone who has been there.

Answer 2

I would have to agree, I think with the fish thing she was joking. I joke with my boys all the time. You are at the age where you need to feel confident in confronting people when they hurt you that way so like everyone else has said talk to her...this may be very difficult, but it is only the beginning of the conversation that is hard. Once you are started it comes easy.
Both of my children were accidents...neither of my children were mistakes...you need to ask her about that. Aske her point blank if you were an accident or a mistake. I f she has nerve enough to say mistake I would tell her she needs help and seek a relative to live with. You are at a crucial stage in your self esteem. Do not use this as an excuse to go wild-use it as a reason to lead a better life and prove to her that you are anything but a "mistake".
Hold your head high as there was never a baby born that was a mistake...the only mistakes made are that some people should never be parents. Take care, keep your chin up and be proud of who you are.

Answer 3

If you are 16 then you are old enoough to know that we create our own destiny in life. Your mom chose hers. You were not aborted, you were not discarded. Accidents happen but, children are never mistakes! Your mom just does not communicate very well. Maybe she was having an off day. No excuse but, everyone has bad days.

You should both want to spend time in the car talking with each other, not you watching tv while she listens to the radio. We have lost our communication skill when we can not take the time to talk on a simple car ride. Talk about your day, ask her about her day. Communication is the key to a good relationship, even between parents and their children.

If you and your mom are close talk more to her about 'mistakes' and what you heard her say. Ask her what she thinks about you. Ask her for her opinion in making yourself a better person and avoiding any 'mistakes'. It may be your mom is feeling undue pressure right now and she feels worthless or unappreciated. That however, is not your fault!! But unfortunately we often unload our disappointments and letdowns on the ones we love the most. There maybe other new information she decides to get off her chest---don't take it personally. Any mistakes she has or will make are hers not yours. Don't let it make you feel bad about yourself.

If mom won't talk, how about dad, or even grandma. You need some comfort, you need to feel loved. You need to clear the air with mom though. You will find as you get older your mom can and should be your best friend. Someone you can go to for advice and comfort. No matter how old we get we all need our mother's love and approval. You can't do that if you are habouring animosity towards her. Give your mom the chance to give it to you but, do not hesitate to seek out comfort in others in your family that love you.

And always remember no one can make you feel bad about yourself unless you allow them to. Stay strong and know who you are and who you can be in your heart as well as your head. Show the world you are special and you are a survivor.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I heard the same thing this morning on the radio. She was probably joking or meant it in a different way. But the counter of that survey said too much fish would give a dangerous level of mercury for the baby. Don't worry about it. Seems like you are smart enough to pick up on that. I wouldn't let something like that get you discouraged.

Answer 5

You are 16. Mom is obviously humoring you or she was stressed and spoke the truth.
You need to approach your mom when she is calm and ask her if you can have a daughter mother talk with her.. If she says not right now. Then ask her when is a good time that she and you can set down without interruption and have a personal talk. If she ask what about. Tell her you need her uninterrupted time and when that is available you would like to talk. When you do talk. Use the words "I feel" I felt" I hurt.. the I's. this way as to not point fault at mom but keep the conversation level. eg. Mom I felt when I heard you say that you thought I was a mistake that you are not happy with me being your daughter anymore or felt I was not smart. Is this how you feel about me? etc.. and say how you feel. do not get into argueing, name calling etc. Let her vent, give her her talk time. At your age, teenager years are tough for a mother. You want freedom. You want later times spent out at night, You want to date etcccc That is scary for moms since you are our daughters.
sounds like you need a daughter/mom night even if it s to just set and have a soda... good luck

Answer 6

Parents don't always do right by their children. Sometimes parents can really hurt their children, even if only w/ words...sometimes words are the worst. You can't ever really forget the words that hurt.

I would tell your mom how you feel. Ask her to hear you out w/o interrupting and tell her again what you heard. Tell her how it made you feel. Try to use "I feel..." statements instead of "You made me feel..." statements b/c they are less accusatory. Whether she admits or denies what happened, you will have been able to tell your heart and can begin to heal.

Your mom is likely denying it b/c she is feeling guilty and embarassed. She'll have to deal w/ that herself. What she said was wrong and there's no excuse.

What was her mom like? Perhaps her mom was like that too. It's very hard to break the patterns we learn in childhood. Even I struggle sometimes w/ my own children. I want to be a patient and kind but firm parent, but my mom was a yeller. Sometimes that bubbles up inside me when I'm pushed to the limits w/ my own children. All I can do is try harder and own up to my children when I do make a mistake.

I hope your mom owns up to it, but if not you can still be strong and smart and beautiful. Knowing how much words can hurt, you can be loving w/ others.

Answer 7

I think that sometimes parents don't realize that what they say can hurt their children so much. My mom gets angry sometimes and says things intentionally to hurt me to get even. She apologizes later, but I always remember the things that she'd said. She used to get angry and tell me to go away so that she wouldn't have to see my ugly face anymore. I've always had a complex about my looks, so that hurt me pretty badly. She's probably forgot all about it by now, but I haven't. All I can say is that parents sometimes don't realize how badly it hurts when they say things to us. In this case though, it seems as if her first statement wasn't meant to be mean. The part about you being a mistake seems pretty cruel though. I hope things turn out better for you though.
~*~ Erin ~*~

Answer 8

That`s awful..I`m sorry you had to hear that from your mother...Apparently she needs to get some form of help...A baby can be an accident but never a mistake!! You should talk to a close family member about what she said and what you over heard..Maybe they can get her to go to counseling or something..Good luck..

Answer 9

Wow!!! I can't imagine myself ever saying something so hurtful to my child. I'm sorry your mom expressed this to you. Maybe she needs some mental help? Is your dad around? Could you talk to him about it? If not, try a school counselor. That's why they are there. I find what she said was very inappropriate.

Answer 10

Im sorry your mom is being this way. Tell her what you heard. See what she says. Maybe shes pregnant again? Ok, maybe not but thats a possibility. Is your dad in the picture? Talk to him about it.
Sorry about your situation