10 points! please help with homework??

Question

This business letter contains 2 sentences (1 in each paragraph) which need to be rewritten.Choose 1 of these sentences explain why it doesn't fit in this type of letter & provide
replacement sentence. it has nothing to do w/ grammar
spelling or punctuation -but has to do with the tone of the
letter.)

Dear Lester Bins:

I am writing in regard to the article "Stuck in Lodi Again: The Travels of a
Fortunate Son" published by The Speckled Hen in the November 2005 issue. In
the article, author Paul Zants claims that the song "Proud Mary" is a song
written by Ike and Tina Turner. This is one of the dumbest things ever
written. "Proud Mary" is a song that was covered by Ike and Tina Turner.
However, John Fogerty originally wrote the song.

While Ike and Tina Turner have made the song their own, John Fogerty is the
man! He deserves better than to be interviewed by someone who cannot even
conduct basic background research. This is something that should be
corrected immediately.

Answer 1

I would definitely remove "This is one of the dumbest things ever
written.", and replace it with something like "I would like to dispute that statement."

I would also remove "While Ike and Tina Turner have made the song their own, John Fogerty is the
man!", and replace it with something like, "Although Ike and Tina Turner made the song their own, John Fogerty is the true soul behind it."

The two sentences that I chose to remove gave the letter a less than professional appeal, and made it less likely to be taken seriously.

Answer 2

First Paragraph:
"This is the dumbest things ever written."
replace it with something like, "However, that is not true." or something like that.

Second Paragraph:
"While Ike and Tina Turner have made the song their own, John Fogerty is the man!"

replace it with "While Ike and Tina Turner have made the song their own, I feel that it does not compare to John Fogerty's version of the piece."

Answer 3

It seems like the letter's purpose is to provide information, not opinions, so the opioninated comments should be removed.

"This is one of the dumbest things ever," as it stands is simply a general opinion--and somewhat abusive while the letter as a whole is informative rather than abusive.
Maybe try: "This is a common mistake/misconception."

"He deserves better than to be interviewed by someone who cannot..." is wrong because it is the letter-author's opinion about Paul Zantz and not a suggested correction needed to make the information presented in the article accurate.
Sorry but cannot think of a replacement sentence for it though.

Answer 4

why don't you get it checked by your teacher