Me and my husband have been married for 18 years and have two children together. I caught him a few years ago E-Mailing his first love. He told her how much he still was in love with her and everything, how he wished he was with her and not me. He said more hurtful thing's but they hurt to bad to say them all. I believe that he is still in contact with this woman. What should I do ? Can someone help me ?
2007-02-16 02:29:41 · 17 answers · asked by Kelly 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
GET A DIVORCE. I know thats sounds bad but think of yourself. When riding on a plane they always tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. You can't have a good life with something like that hanging over you everyday. You can't be a good parent if your thoughts are on the situation with your husband. Be happy. thats is what life is about
2007-02-16 02:35:57 · answer #1 · answered by Michael S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have some experience here. I divorced my husband a few years ago, and my first love contacted me. I wanted to hear from him because I didn't know if he was attached. He told me he was married and had a daughter. We went to our high school reunion and talked some there. We talked on the phone a bit and emailed back & forth. We both flirted, and he came on a little heavy at times, but in the end, he never went any further. I think he was just blowing off steam. Just talking, you know? We still email, but very rarely and the emails are very brief.
Perhaps much the same is what's going on with your hubby. If so, you have nothing to worry about.
Do you feel you can confront him? If so, do it gently, explain your feelings, the fact that you're unsure and just want to hear it from him that there's nothing to worry about. Don't come on in an accusing way.
Good luck.
2007-02-16 02:36:57 · answer #2 · answered by Happy Wife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are absolutely certain, then you sure can't do nothing.
You have to have proof of some kind. If you get proof, confront him with it.
After 18 years, you could remind him of all he has invested in this relationship with you. I don't believe for one minute that you have done anything wrong- what he has done is entirely his choice. If he has done something(or wants to) I would ask him why.
Have you thought maybe he's going through the change of life? That could explain it, but certainly would not excuse it.
If, God forbid, it should actually come down to a worst case, nail him good. You have 18 years into this relationship, and that's not something that he can just toss out and get away with.
2007-02-16 02:40:48 · answer #3 · answered by Jed 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get some evidence. Print out an email, get a phone number, make sure she still is around before you start throwing around accusations. Then just change the locks one day when he is out and leave all his clothes in black bin bags out side the door. Go to a family solicitor, ask for a divorce because of your husbands "adultury" and you get to keep the house and live in it until the proceedings are over, you might have to sell the house and give him half but you might not, but if youstart a divorce, you can stay in the house with your two children until the divorce is over. He was the one who was unfaithful to you.
Sorry to hear of your difficult time. Things always have a way of sorting themselves out. Goodluck xx x
2007-02-16 02:35:30 · answer #4 · answered by london lady 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I got caught emailing my first love a few years back. But in my defense we weren't "wishing" we were married to each other instead of who we were married to. We just acknowledged the feelings we'll always have for one another, and showed genuine happiness for one another that we were both successful, happily married, and doing well. My wife wasn't thrilled that I was emailing her, but she couldn't exactly be upset by what I wrote! In your case however, it sounds like your husband and his ex have taken things WAY farther. And if he is going to say horrible rotten things about wishing he was married to her instead of you, then you need to seriously question the foundation of your marriage. The fact that you have kids doesn't help you situation. If they're on the verge of moving out and heading off to school, then I would bite your tongue and bide your time until they're out AND THEN consider divorce. If not, then you might want to consider marriage counseling in order to try and keep your family together until your children are adults. In which case it's entirely up to you on what you want to do next.
2007-02-16 02:38:17 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do for now is stop looking at the problem with the other woman, but at your marriage. Obviously there is a problem for your husband to show such lack of respect for your feelings to talk about intimate details of his marriage with you to someone else. . I would feel that as a total betrayal. This must hurt you deeply. You must let him know of how deep this has hurt you, of how you are having a hard time staying in this marriage without feeling betrayed by him. I would say that this marriage is in need of some serious counselling. If he is not willing to work on the marriage and he continues to email her, then you need to really ask yourself if you are willing to put up with this. It is up to you. Only you can decide. Hope you begin to stand up for yourself as it appears he lost total respect for you. Best of luck to you on what ever you decide.
2007-02-16 03:13:38 · answer #6 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are definitely in a terrible situation. I feel you should get out of this relationship as soon as possible. He has basically told you that he does not want a relationship with you nor does he want to be with you, and you are probably right he is probably still contacting her. Know one deserves to be treated the way this man is treating you. Cut your loses and go on with your life. Always remember you control your life. This man will only continue to treat you in this manner if you allow him to, You have to dig deep inside and be strong and let it go.
2007-02-16 02:44:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide what you want to do. You can either turn your head and pretend that it didn't happen, or you can take your stand and make him make a decision. Just be prepared for the worst. He can't have you physically and have her emotionally. It isn't fair to either of you. If he really loves her, then tell him to pack his bags and go. If he loves you, then the contact with her has to cease. I am sure, either way, your heart is broken, and there may be no repair. So, make sure you take care of yourself first and foremost
2007-02-16 02:34:40 · answer #8 · answered by buggsnme2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think you know in your heart what you need to do and just want some one to rell you different than you already know if he is disrespecting you to another woman then you need to find some one that respects you for who you are. this has got to be a hard one to deal with but he sounds to be unhappy and ready to cheat if he only has the go ahead of the other woman . it could be that she has more morals than to mess with a married man. and that way hes not getting his way but if hes looking for another woman then eventually he will find one that doesnt care if hes married or not.
2007-02-16 02:40:58 · answer #9 · answered by moe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're married. You can either get a divorce or live with the situation "for better or worse"...like you originally agreed to.
This is why I'm so ANTI-MARRIAGE It never works. Why do people keep doing it. You don't have to get married!!!!! WHY, WHY, WHY in the heck do people keep making this STUPID mistake?????
2007-02-16 02:35:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋