Invasion of privacy?

Question

This is my husband's laptop, and I use it for googling and yahoo. I have my password written in a notebook beside the bed, so he can peek at my stuff whenever. One day I asked what his password was so that I could look at a website I know he goes to. He told me like it was no big deal, but later was mad at me. The other day he mentioned that I would no longer be looking at his stuff. I said I wasn't anyway. He said, "Well, you can't, because I've changed ALL my passwords to ALL my sites so you can't invade my privacy." I am now wondering how many passwords and sites there are. He had a girlfriend 5 years ago for one year, but things have been very smooth for several years now. Would this be a red flag to you, or do you think I'm just worrying? I haven't tried to break into any sites, because now I sort-of am wary about what I'd be "invading."

Answer 1

You are probably just worrying.

Answer 2

2 comments I have for you:

you are married, right ? you see eachother naked, right ?
so how does privacy compare here between: naked vs password.
again, you are married ! there is no privacy, no secrets, you should share your lives, not excluding even the smalles peanut from eachother.

I am married. I have my computer and my wife has hers. We dont have passwords on our computers !
I know all her passwords to her e-mail and VOIP, I know her password for her mobile phone and the password for her banking card for the cash mashine. She also knows all my passwords.
The notebook I write down the passwords are right beside the computer, so is hers.

BUT:
Once, my wife read an e-mail I write to one of my ex-girlfriends.
I wrote how much I miss the smile of my ex, and that there are some topics I cant talk with my wife and miss to talk to my ex about those things.
My wife was crying, she was very hurt. In the same mail I also told my ex, how much I love my wife and how happy I am. That of course my wife somehow ignored, just recalling the "bad stuff" I wrote. She was very close to move out to her parents house !

For a minute I was thinking, why the hell was she reading my mails I sent out ! But I never confronted her, that she were not suppoused to read my mails.
But see, how much damage it caused, when she was reading things, which she would better not read.

BUT, I explained her in a long talk what I meant in my e-mail.
In the end she calmed down - after weeks - but that incident made our relationship even stronger, and made us trust eachother even more.
I do not have secrets to hide away from my wife. Thats the best feeling ever. Even when I have feeling for other girls, I can admit it, and its not a problem, because I love my wife, and she KNOWS it.
And when one day I stop to love her for some reason, she will be the first to know.
TRUST in a marriage: the most important. why else did you get married then ?
there is no such thing like "privacy" regarding password secrets.
The only privacy related thing in my marriage is, that I take time for myself. But my wife knows what I am doing, and leaves me alone. She also has her hobbies and her friends, where I leave her alone. This kind of privacy is important, but I would not call it privacy.

Answer 3

Its hard to say whether its a red flag or not. On face value it does seem suspicious but some people just require a certain amount of personal privacy, even when they are doing nothing wrong. If he is being unfaithful there will be other indicators (as you undoubtedly know) so just dont make a big fuss over the computer issue for now and keep your eyes open for the other signs. Cheaters always give themselves away sooner or later.

Answer 4

he he he NOT!

Your husband is NOT too clever. When you are married, all " privacy" issues are off. You are one. Both of you. And what he does is YOUR business and what you do is his concerns as well.

Invading his privacy excuse is a joke. It divides the two of you. Marriage is about openess, honesty. He got this idea that his world is his, and his alone, and what he wishes to share with you, you should be happy and grateful about it.

I don't think so. You show him this respond and tell him if he thinks that I am wrong, go talk to a marriage counselor. I understand that he feels that he got to have his own individuality, but no one is measuring how many ounces of urine he's producing each day,.

This is a real issue. Stand your ground,.....And with your password sitting at your bed side is an perfect example of honesty and openess.

He is hiding something, and if he's not, he's doing a good job at making you believe that he is.

Answer 5

I asked a simular question here last week and I thought the best response was that it is only an issue if he doesn't want you to see it. Right now my wife is quick to want to say something about who is in my adress book, who is emailing me, who left a text on my phone, etc. She looks at my cell bill and then asks me what this number is and that number is (from memory). I feel like I'm being accused of something. Everytime she brings this up, I suggest that we share our email passwords (although she recently confided that she has been looking at my emails when I forget to log out). This suggestion usually ends the conversation right then and there. I never ask to see her charge account charges or cell bill or home phone bill, etc. I did ask her once to see her myspace email but I have never seen it. We were seperated on and off for two years and I have to remind her that she still recieves emails from people she met while we were apart. We have been back together about five months now. Like you, the laptop is my spouse's. Everyone in the house that uses it logs on as guest so everyone can see each others favorites, history, saved photos, documents, etc. My wife is the only person that logs on as owner which keeps her info private from everyone else.

People would say that the one who is accusing is the one who is doing it. I can understand her insecurity and mistrust with me right now because of the time we were seperated. All I can do is try my best not to do anything that would suggest improper behavior on my part. I love and respect my wife very much, and I want her to feel comfortable with me. I put my trust in God and I understand that whatever becomes of this is his plan. I don't think your man is concerned about how his secrecy is making YOU feel. Put some pressure on him to show more respect for your feelings, regardless of wheather or not it is a violation of HIS privacy!

Answer 6

If he was nonchalant about giving you the password to begin with and then got angry with you and started jumping to conclusions about what you were doing on his laptop then yes i would be worried. I suggest you keep a close watch on what he does and though you are worried about what you would be invading, i would invade anyway, it'd be better to find out by looking into it then not have him tell you and end up being suspicious all the time.

Answer 7

He's either hiding something or thinks you did invade his privacy. Talk to him, have it out and tell the truth. If you didn't do anything wrong he would eventually believe you and if it's just that he thought you might have pryed into his stuff it doesn't mean he's hiding something it just means he felt you snooped on him. I don't do anything my husband would be mad about but I'd still be pissed if he looked all over my sites, I would feel he didn't trust me. Good luck

Answer 8

If you go looking for things, you'll usually hate what you find. If the two of you have been happy with life and marriage, then maybe stop this current search. I'm not saying he's cheating, but he's feeling like he's being trapped in a corner and is getting defensive. See if you can get your own laptop instead of sharing one. Don't let this shake your trust in him. He may be embarrased about what you'd find, whereas you're imagining the worse case scenario, and thats not fair. Trust...

Answer 9

I'd be worried if I was you. He obviously has secrets he wants to keep hidden. Also, he's a hypocrite for using your password whenever he wants but not letting you look at anything of his. I wouldn't call you asking him for a password so you can see a website an "invasion of privacy".

Answer 10

Red Flag. There is software on the web you can buy if you are worried to find out just what he's up to. Then you'd know if you should be worrying or not. If not, great, you can get on with your happy marriage. If yes, you can stop wasting your time. If there are no other flags, I wouldn't worry too much though. Hope you're worrying is totally unfounded.

Answer 11

Once you in the bathroom doing doo and she's brusing her teeth the privacy is gone.

SO, I tell my honey:

You can look at the phone bil,
Look at my cell bill,
Look at my emails,
Look at my web sites,
and we have each other's passwords.

the onely thing she does not get is passwords that I have signed agreement not to divluge.

Now ask your Husband who's the MAN,

Tell the MAN a clean up his act. Sunshine (live your life ever moment as if your spouse could see you) baby help keep everyone straight.