Where do I start? About seven years ago I started dating this one very pretty girl ( I was 21) we had our differences, we broke up after about 3 months of dating. Then I started dating this other girl, who I thought was the "one" we dated for about a year, I found out she cheated on me, we broke up. I did not date for about 4 months and then I met this out-going, totally opposite of me lady. We dated for 7 months and married. We had a baby girl that is 2yrs old now. The problem I seem to have is this, I have been dreaming of my secound ex since pretty much day one of my marriage and I still have strong feelings for her. I have been dreaming of my first ex for the last couple of months, only when I see her at a store or the local bar. I also have strong feelings for her. Just to let you know I have had chances to cheat on my wife but have not. I love my wife and my daughter, I just feel like I'm torn between three lady's. I have a feeling if I asked either girl back, they would, HELP!
2007-02-16 01:55:51 · 12 answers · asked by itsgino28 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm happy to hear that you haven't "cheated" on your wife, please don't. Obviously you never resolved your "feelings" for either "ex" before you entered into your marriage. This is only a problem if you allow it to be.
I don't know if it's possible to love more than one person at the same time. I think it's possible to have "feelings" for more than one person, but I don't think it's "love". The grass only "looks" greener on the other side!
This all depends on you and what you want. Any decision you make not only impacts your relationship with your wife, the stability of your daughter's world is at stake.
If you love your wife and daughter, and you want to remain in your marriage, then you need to avoid any contact with either "ex". I think professional counseling would also help you sort through your feelings and deal with your "thoughts". Do it privately if you need to.
You made a commitment to your wife and daughter, if you want to keep it, then you need to do whatever it takes to ensure that your marriage works.
I applaud you for your honesty, for not being selfish, immature and running out and "cheating". You sound like a decent person who is trying to deal with some feelings you haven't resolved. Your wife and daughter are worth the effort, I wish you well. God bless.
2007-02-16 02:11:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've always thought it was silly to think that feelings for somebody just 'go away' because the relationship didn't work. Sure, you can still 'love' somebody who's your ex, though if you honestly looked at the feelings, it's usually more a rememberance of good parts from the relationship. Time can blur the realities of what 'was'.
You've made this committment to your wife and now child. I can hope that you truly are in for the long haul. Mentally chalk up these feelings for the other two as memories of past times, and put your true focus back on making a caring, loving, growth filled life with your family.
If you are truly feeling drawn to these two women, or even others from your past, perhaps you rushed into marrying. After 18 years of up and downs, we're still working daily to keep our marriage and the committment we made to it our first priority at all times.
2007-02-16 03:54:54 · answer #2 · answered by eagenfam@verizon.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you married, you let go of those other girls, at least in the practical sense. You gave up those dreams. You can still have those dreams, but you have to love your wife and the family that you've made. Accept it. Yes, you can love many women at once, but unless they are happy with that situation, you cannot indulge in it. Besides, ask yourself how much is lust and emotional connection? If you truly love your wife and can honour the vows you made to eachother, you cannot indulge in those other feelings or even entertain the opportunities you have and they will come. You are married and you must accept that for a sucessful marriage. Good luck!
2007-02-16 02:02:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The male mind. It never forgets what it likes. It hates to be restrained by commitment. As soon as you tell it that it has to focus on one set of ideas, it goes and finds the ones outside of that set that it shouldn't focus on. Then rebellion.
I think marriage is best for older men, or men without much drive(which is ok too, and can also be very macho). I think also that it is natural and good to love more than one woman. Marriage is a whole other way of operating though.
Your dreams are your subconscious saying you aren't satisfied and that you are restricting your desire more than you want to.
So many times guys feel like marriage is their only option, there is so much pressure to be that prince charming dreamboat guy. And so many people saying that if you aren't him, you are some sham joker playing with women's hearts like you are a rapper.
Now you're locked in. You either have to drop these feelings or your marriage. If your wife knew you had them she would be crushed.
It's going to be either these feelings or your marriage, they are both on the block. You must choose.
But I believe as long as you are honest and maintain your honor, that it will work out for the best.
But relationships that aren't honest are illusions, they are good for nothing but wasting people's lives.
You have to decide, that is the power and responsibility that comes with Being A Man.
So who are you? Who do you want to be? What do you want with your life?
2007-02-16 07:34:30 · answer #4 · answered by Jeremy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. A typical movie cliche.
Anyway, you can't 'love' three people. It's going to be more like a 'like'. I'm glad though, that you haven't seized the oppurtunity to cheat on your wife. But in my opinion, your wife and daughter are worth keeping more than the other two.
2007-02-16 02:00:56 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what ever you do don't cheat because you have your daughter and i don't think she wants to go though divorce. And to get the person out of your head have to go with your wife go out on a lovely date and try to remember why you married her and then you should start think more about her and not the 2nd person you have to make time for your wife do whatever you can to forget her [the second person]remembered she cheated on you don't go back with her. good luck!
2007-02-16 02:04:26 · answer #6 · answered by jojo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
learn the meaning of Love first.. people in general over use the word and do not know the true meaning or the true feeling of unconditional love and commitment,
i'll tell u to grow up not being sarcastic but live more and experience more before u attach such a strong word and emotion to people wo arent a vital part of ur life...
2007-02-16 02:10:57 · answer #7 · answered by dawggiestile 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that people can love more than one person.But I think that it isn't your case. It's normal that people don't think only of their partners. I think that if you really love your wife, you don't love your ex-s because they are your ex! Your brain works, when you are dreaming, with what was. It's a reason why you think that you love them but the truth is that you loved them before. Stay with your wife and child and don't cheat on her. Good luck!
2007-02-16 02:33:32 · answer #8 · answered by janinka 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont believe that you can love all three the same way. you might have feelings for them but you can only truely love one.
you should be concentrating on your own marriage and not worry about the other two women. over time if you let this get to you it will destroy your marriage.
2007-02-16 02:00:35 · answer #9 · answered by vanessaoz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all you should not be thinking about the others, you committed to tour wife.get them out of your mind and have full attention on the wife and daughter. life will be good.
2007-02-16 02:21:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋