Been married for 1.5 yrs and have known each other for over 10years.
Dated for 3yrs before marriage. Intimacy / sex is lacking.
Both of us have been going to counselling, but does not know why she is not attracted to me.
2007-02-16 01:41:48 · 17 answers · asked by TheAvatar 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She had to be attracted to you at some point, the hard part is finding out about it.
2007-02-16 01:45:33 · answer #1 · answered by Celeste P 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
There has to be more to this story then meets the eye. Why is she not attracted to you . She need sto did deep in counseling and be truthful with you. This is a very selfish thing she has done and you need to make your expectations clear as to what you want from your marriage if she can't compromise with you trough her issues then you don't have a marriage. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I wish you the best of luck in working things out . But bottom line you have to live your life going for the things that make you happy. This doesn't sound like a very happy relationship.
2007-02-16 10:13:22 · answer #2 · answered by genuine1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's a case of being around each other for too long so you kinda get into a rut. I find that doing something totally different with each other can sometimes bring the mood back. Like something totally out of the norm for you too, for example, going on an adventure camping trip (camping outdoors, white water rafting, abseiling, etc.) or learning something new like ballroom dancing. Also, try setting aside 'date' time for the both of you, like once every week, go out on a real date, get really dressy, buy her flowers, the works. You could even surprise her with an invitation to a date with the time and place for the rendezvous, etc. etc. And have a gift ready! And a letter! Just don't give up hope yet, you never know.
2007-02-16 09:50:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she was never attracted to you them why did she marry you, she had to marry you for a reason. I'll admit that that must be a very hard thing to hear but she needs to let you know why the two of you are together. Do you still want to be together you must have feelings for each other, otherwise you wouldn't be seeing a counsellor.
I think that during your sessions you need to find out what you both want, what you both want out of the relationship and from each other and then see if these things are things that you both are willing to work on so that the relationship will work. However if it turns out that you both want very different things then perhaps the two of you may have to considering separating so that the two of you don't hurt each other any longer
2007-02-16 09:58:45 · answer #4 · answered by Baps . 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think your wife owes you an explanation as to why she married you in the first place. Is it just because you were nice, stable, dependable? Maybe she just really wanted a husband and chose stability over a "click".
I think you should demand an explanation as to why you are married. Don't take a wishy washy answer. Maybe it's time to call this one a mistake, especially if you don't have any kids.
2007-02-16 09:48:56 · answer #5 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How do you treat her? Most women will be more attracted to a man that treats them well: take time to be involved in her interests, really listen to her, tell her she's beautiful (when your not in bed wanting sex), and bring her flowers, most women still like that. It's pretty easy for a man to get past not being as physically attractive as a woman would like if he romances her.
2007-02-16 09:47:08 · answer #6 · answered by kittymimm 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know...all I know is the thing I find the most attractive about my husband is his integrity...that's what makes me open to intimacy...are you a person with high personal integrity?...you can be the most beautiful person on the outside...but if you have nothing of value inside...you can be very very ugly...I would examine these things about yourself...Be Blessed.
2007-02-16 09:47:03 · answer #7 · answered by ticklemeblue 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First and foremost, do not take this as your fault.
It's her issue and not your's.
To enter a marriage when you don't feel attraction to your new spouse is dishonest at the very least.
You need to decide if what you have otherwise is enough.
For me, the answer would be no.
Best wishes. Be strong.
2007-02-16 09:47:04 · answer #8 · answered by pa_browneyedgirl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If its not there you cannot force it. You will be settling for what? You might as well be living with a roommate or a sibling. Go while you are early and having got three kids in toe. Go you cannot make her feel passion for you. Chemistry is chemistry. Pack up its time.
2007-02-16 09:52:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why did she marry you then? If there's no attraction genuinely on her part it's time to part ways.
She also may be saying that because she has a lover on the side, which would be another reason to part anyway.
2007-02-16 09:46:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋