I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago. (we were together for 4 years) He wants me to go to a counceler with him and I don't think I want to go. Everything I say to him he reads "between the lines", I told him in a letter that I wished thigs could have been perfect between us,but i can't go back on the choices I have made.I keep telling him that I don't want to be with him anymore. He is starting to freak me out a little.He is at a friends house crying all the time now and he wants to come and see me but they distract him.
He apparently tried to kill himself a few weeks ago(he told a friend in one of his crying fits) I am worried about him and I don't want to see him hurt himself. But he dosen't understand that I don't want to be his g/f anymore.He wants me to marry him and gave me the ring (which he has had for months,gave it few days after I ended it) he was going to give it to me on feb 14.I want to be friends with him but he is starting to freak me out, what should I do?
2007-02-16 01:27:00 · 21 answers · asked by sivaspyder 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am going to talk to the friends that he spoke to and find out the whole story. I think I may even call his family and make sure he talks to someone who can give him professional advice.
2007-02-16 01:47:12 · update #1
I'm sorry for your situation. Your "ex" is a disturbed person and needs some professional help. "Stay away from him." Your safety is at risk with him in his present state of mind.
I understand that you may still have feelings for him, and that you don't want to see anything bad happen to him. However, anything you do to try to help him is only going to make things worse. He will misinterpret your intentions, and think that he still has a chance. That would be worse for him in the long run.
If you truly care about him, try to have his family and friends get him some professional help. There's nothing you can do to help him, he needs professional help.
I wish you well, good luck. Please, for your sake, stay away from him. Allowing him "any" contact with you will only drag this out and give him hope. Stay strong, God bless you.
2007-02-16 01:36:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't have any feelings toward this guy, then don't buy it. I mean why would you put yourself in a place where someday soon you'll regret marrying him. He had shown enough emotional pain and struggles because you turned him down, well, this guy needs to grow up. In a simple situation such as this, he can't even handle it by himself, how about in the future if he faces another situation when you are ready to leave him. Enough is enough. It is not your responsibility what ever happens to him. He is responsible for himself. If you truly love him, then take him back. if not, then SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND MEAN WHAT YOU SAY.
2007-02-16 09:39:48 · answer #2 · answered by dtmc542006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should certainly go and see the counselor with him. That is one of the ways you can motivate him to get help for himself as a friend. Counselor won't force the relationship on you, so you don't need to worry about that. He may actually be of help to you by making him understand the real situation between you and him and helping you to get rid of him in a more subtle way.
2007-02-16 09:33:52 · answer #3 · answered by Smriti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cut your loses now. This guy is apparently mentally unstable. If he is telling people he tried to kill himself, he is looking for attention. You are going to have to decide if being this guys "friend" is actually what you are doing, or if you are actually giving the guy false hope. I think you are leading him on in a way. I would break everything off immediately. And what this guy does with his life (whether he keeps it or ends it) is not your fault or your problem. He is mental. Run.
2007-02-16 09:40:30 · answer #4 · answered by in2one 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay away from him, and stick with your decision. If you continue contact with him, he'll see it as a sign of hope. He needs the counseling, not you. You can't be responsible for his choices. You called it quits, so move on, and he'll have to deal with his issues without you. Don't allow his threats to kill himself sway you; he sounds desperate, and truly needs professional help! Sounds like you ended the relationship just in time to save your own sanity. Good luck!
2007-02-16 09:34:32 · answer #5 · answered by grandm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, if you are that scared that something might happen you need to consider a restraining order if it gets out of hand. Second, right now he probably thinks that you might still have a little bit of flame in your heart for him and he might need to go to a therapist to get things sorted out for him. If your still worried about him you should go to a therapist with him it might just help him get through all of this.(that was probably second and third) Maybe you just need to sit down with him(maybe have someone there with you just in case) and flat out talk to him and help him understand why you broke it off with him. At least you owe him that. Hope some of this helps you be friends or at least helps him to get over it calmly. GOOD LUCK!!!!
2007-02-16 09:39:04 · answer #6 · answered by [*]Heart Melter[*] 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay away from him, and cut all contact. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. It will help him get over it if he doesn't see or talk to you. It is too soon now to be friends with him and it may not ever be possible.After the tears and sorrow comes the hatred so look out. If he freaks you out, listen to your intuition and be very careful.
2007-02-16 09:33:12 · answer #7 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that you want to be friends with him, but you can't be, this is because anything that you do for him will be taken the wrong way and it will be seen as an act to get back with him. I'm afraid that you are going to have to be cruel to be kind and cut all ties with him. I realise that you don't want to see him get hurt but if as you said he is starting to freak you out so what you have to do is more or less close your mind to anything that he says. Stop taking his phone calls, if he sends you any text messages delete them. Tell his friends that you don’t want anything to do with him. I know that it’s hard but he will get over it, give him time, but you are going to have to stop seeing him completely
2007-02-16 09:45:54 · answer #8 · answered by Baps . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether you want to make it work or not see a councelor with him. He needs to let go. This needs to be explained in the presence of your councelor. If he will see a councelor this is what he needs. Do not marry him in this state of mind. Be sure you feel safe with him. He sounds very controlling. A guy like this can be dangerous to you or himself. If he wants help this is a good sign.
2007-02-16 09:42:31 · answer #9 · answered by Busy Lady 2010 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not the only one that reacts like that. In many cases it a pressure trick to get you back. It may sound harsh, but I would think about getting the police involved.You may have to get a restraining order on him. One reason is that you could have space. Thew other reason is that they will talk to him and if they feel he may need special help they will help him get it.
2007-02-16 09:40:54 · answer #10 · answered by papa G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋