Aftermath of my wife's affair.?

Question

Being married for one year and a month ago close of my wife told me that my wife told her stories that she was having an affair. I confronted my wife and she denied everything and said it was only an imagination story as she thought I was still close with my ex wife. I kept incontact with my ex wife only to keep intouch with our children. I was heart broken for a month and decided to give us another chance however there is a lot of love lost including trust as I don't believe her as an imagination story and believe she really confessed to her close friend. I see my wife differently now and not as before as I felt a one couple. I have been a faithfull and a loving husband to her but now feel why bother being faithfull as the damage has been done and have the temptation to see another woman. Anyone had the same experience.

Answer 1

First of all u have no "real" proof, so u cant say with 100% confidence that it wasnt a made up story, women that are feeling insecure, as she explained that she was because of the x wife situation, will say and do things with out thinking at times..

Who is to say this "friend" didnt have alterior motives.. i dont know to many "Friends" that would rat out their friends..

It is extremely hard being the 2nd wife.. its hard knowing another woman meant so much to u at one time even if u dont feel that now, its hard to watch ur husband, have to be so nice, and worry about another woman, because of the kids.. although logically it make sense, emotionally its hard to deal with.. and knowing that u share a bond with ur x that she doesnt have, "children" even makes it harder at times..

Everything u just said.. id be willing to bet is exactly how she was feeling in that moment when she made up this story.. all ur "worries of cheating", "all the trust issues" etc.. to u , u think u've done nothing to cause her to feel this way, but thats cause u know what u've done , what u havent, what u feel, etc.. where she didnt know if theres something more with ur x, what u've done, or how u feel etc causing her to be just as insecure as u are now.. with her.. and she made up a story about sex.. and above ur talking about fighting off temptation of wanting to be with another woman because of all that ur feeling towards ur wife now..

THERES NO DIFFERENCE HERE..
U'r feeling insecure and contimplating whether its all worth it, and if u should just chalk it up and go be with another woman, she was feeling insecure and was thinking of stories about other men.. but yet u havent cheated yet.. so if ur feeling exactly the same as she was feeling in that moment.. why is it that possibly she didnt really cheat.. she was just tempted with the thought because how she was feeling in that moment, just like ur tempted with the thought cause your insecure because u dont know if she really cheated or not.. YOUR TWO PEAS IN A POD DOING EXACTLY THE SAME EMOTIONS TO EACH OTHER..

She was insecure over ur relationship with ur x.. Your insecure with the thought that she "might" of had an affair.. and ur both contimplating sex while dealing with ur insecurities.. SAME SAME.. so guess what.. if u havent cheated yet, more then likely she hasnt either, cause ur both actting the same way!!!!!!

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. You are the only one who can decide whether or not you want to continue in your marriage. You need to have a serious conversation with your wife and tell her how you feel. Communication is very important.

Maybe some professional counseling will help. If both of you are willing to work on your marriage you can get past this. There are plenty of couples who have survived an "affair". It may not be easy but it is possible.

Cheating is never justified and the fact that you "think" your wife had an affair is no excuse for you to do the same. Looking outside your marriage is wrong and it will only confuse things and make everything much worse.

If you have tried everything possible to make your marriage work and still feel that it's not going to, then divorce your wife "before" you look elsewhere.

Jumping from the frying pan into the fire doesn't work. If your marriage "fails", you need to take some time for yourself to work through the "issues" that caused the divorce. It wouldn't be fair for your next potential "partner" to enter into a relationship with you before you have worked through your own issues.

I wish you all the best. Counseling is a good idea even if you aren't trying to save your marriage, it can help you see things more clearly so you can deal with the situation.

Answer 3

Dude she said she didn't do it. How are you going to believe your wife's friend over you wife? First of all if that girl who told you was such a close good friend of your wife's she would not have told you second of all do you know that statistics suggest that most extra marital affairs are with spouses close friends are you sure that this so called friend does not want what your wife has YOU???? It seems kind of shady to me. When my husband cheated on me nobody told me I had to figure that out on my own until an acquaintance of my sisters saw the female coming out of my house while I was out of town. All I am saying is consider the source, what are her motives? Is she still a close lady friend of your wife's?? Anyways I am truly against cheating. If you have doubt that is not your wife's fault, more like the gossiping friend. If you never had any doubt before then why now because of another person outside your marriage? You would have probably felt it in your gut if she had. If it is affecting your marriage why didn't you get therapy for yourself since it is you who is making the strain in your marriage and then maybe invite your wife in after you fix your doubt

Answer 4

I'll be honest with you...........I dont understand why people get married, have kids, get divorced AND THEN remarry. Marriage is supposed to be a LIFELONG commitment. And for people that get married 2-3-4 or more times I suspect it's not the people they chose to marry that's the problem, but THEM! If you don't trust your 2nd wife, and nothing she says will make you trust her, then why are you married? I see absolutely nothing wrong with you dating women as a single guy, being the best father you can be to your children, and learning a few things about yourself before deciding to make ANOTHER lifelong commitment to somebody.

Answer 5

Why on earth would she "make up" a story when she comes out looking bad in it? If it were just a story, she could have said something like "I was talking to my ex". Not that she had been cheating.

Before you start seeing other people, please have enough respect for yourself and end your current relationship. Don't lower your morals just because she doesn't have any.

My ex was a cheater and he just denied, denied, denied! I knew better even though he wouldn't admit it. He finally did admit to it after we were divorced. Trust your gut instinct.

Answer 6

Yes, but my husband was the cheater, and lied about it, until I caught him. You have two choices, either get marriage counseling, and try to put your marriage back on track, or get a divorce. Cheating shouldn't be an option, it just adds to the problems you already have. Think it over carefully, and then make your decision. Best of luck!

Answer 7

Been there, done that... It's not fun or easy and I wish you the best but you are the only that truly knows what you want to happen and you have to live with your decisions. Think before you act.

Answer 8

Talk to your wife. Let her know it would be ok to be with other men from time to time. Let her know you would like to be other women. That is called swinging. You can love each other and still have fun in the sack with someone else once in a while. Don’t start cheating and get emotionally involved. You end up getting hurt! That isn’t any fun.

Answer 9

Many men will experience this. It is natural for women to stray as they need more then one man can offer. As women learn what they enjoy they seek it. Unfortunately you are partly to blame as you helped your wife experience some degree of satisfaction. She has now wanted to take it to the next level beyond what you have to offer.

If there was a way for women to make men not feel inadequate by saying this we would do it but to some extent men are inadequate. sorry.

Answer 10

Not like that, but you really need to sit down and talk with her. You two really need to sit down and figure out where you are at and where both of you want to be in the future. Maybe both of you are headed in different directions. Or maybe both of you are not being honest with each other as well yourselves.