Is this normal behavior for a husband?

Question

I have been married to my husband for thirteen years. He rarely
kisses me outside the bedroom and inside the bedroom it is very
little, like a few small pecks or so. Whenever he comes up to me
he grabs my breasts or butt. I tell him I don't like being groped and his reply is: "Yes you do, you know you do." with a grin on his face. Then he asks if I want to play with his wieener or ride the
big white horse. Ugh. After all this groping and articulate
language, we get in the bedroom and he completely ignores me.
HUH? When I tell him I want to be kissed more outside and
inside the bedroom he gets angry and asks: "Why is it all about
what YOU want?" HUH?
I try to kiss him all the time and hug him and tell him that I love
him. But he would rather I grabbed HIS crotch instead. He never
tells me he loves me right out of the blue. I have to ask him to
and then he says it like I am making him do it.
I am confused. I also feel cheap. Should I be feeling this way?

In the bedroom, I initiate. Then he responds. But he ignores me until I do start things up. I give him a lot of
attention in this area. Ahem.
I try, at quiet times, to tell him that I like
kissing. I don't ask him much because
I know the more I ask for something, the
less I get it. (that goes in all things)
I ask, then wait a few weeks, then ask again. In the beginning, he used to get so
angry with me if we didn't have sex
after three days. So I made it a point to
try to give him it every day so he wouldn't
get mad at me. Now, he doesn't get angry
anymore and it makes me feel good and
it makes me want him more. If we go
a week, he is just as happy as if we were
together every day. He never gets angry
anymore about anything. I like this. It makes me want to be with him more and
more in a romantic way. I give him
everything I got: love, money, time, affection, lots of sex_ everything. All
I want is his heart. Can he give it to me?
Because I really want it.

Answer 1

YOU married him as is...now you don't like it?

Answer 2

Nope, its not normal. If he's drinking like that every day there's a good chance he's an alcoholic. People don't have to be fall down drunks to be alcoholics, if they're dependent on it then they're usually alcoholic no matter how much they drink. Even if he's switching between pot and alcohol so not drinking every single day there's still something wrong. If he needs to get high or buzzed on a daily basis he definitely has a problem. Some people do continue smoking pot when they have kids, and I don't really think its so terrible personally though I wouldn't do it. But the only people I know who do it are occasional users, its not an everyday thing. They have the sense to realize that being out of it like that every single day is not a good idea in terms of parenting their kids, being responsible adults, etc. Same with the drinking.

Answer 3

I am going to tell you like it is.Please do not take this the wrong way... If you will be more of a whore in the bed room he will give you everything you want outside of it...
Grab him and tell him something wild. He has needs too. At least after 13 years he still wants sex!!! It's not that bad. Give him a show... Be wild and free. He will want to give you the world if you find out what really gets him off behind close doors. Have an opened mind. This is a chance for a new love affair. By the way all guys scratch their nuts and fart... that just a fact. It's gross but they all do it. Sometimes you have to give to get.

Answer 4

You're certainly justified in feeling confused and hurt. It sounds like your husband doesn't know how to express his "softer" side at all. It seems like doesn't understand or perhaps even care about your needs. If he has always been this way throughout your marriage, there may not be much hope of him changing.

The more you try to get him to kiss you, and make him tell you he loves you, etc., the more he is going to resist and the angrier you are going to get. That will only lead to more and more resentment. I would try to talk to him (at a time when you are both relaxed), and tell him how this is honestly making you feel. Your husband may never become a romantic guy, but he really needs to see how unhappy he is making you and make an effort. If it were me, I would have no desire to fulfill his sexual needs if he refused to fulfill any of my emotional needs.

Answer 5

You waited 13 years to stop liking his behavior?? or was it a drastic change?? I will tell you this...most men do not like the huggie kissy thing and do prefer you going straight for the crotch, to them its more erotic....it's a real turn on. BUT there should be a happy medium, especially if you're married. No it shouldn't be all about what you want but then again it shouldn't be all about what he wants either!
I would suggest couples counseling...I know, I know, he won't go...then you go. I think you're husband has intimacy problems..but I'm not a psychologist, but I'm sure there's a way your relationship can be helped (if you want it to be).

Answer 6

No you should not feel this way at all, you sound like a nice lady who is not treated with respect. You may want to take a step back and re assess your situation with the type of husband that treats you like that because I don't think he is going to change. The way I would like to treat a wife is with respect and tell how much she means for me and always tell her how much I love her. Take her for nice or romantic dinners and enjoy each others company. Can you see the difference?

Answer 7

That sounds awful you poor thing. It sounds like he has some confused ideas about love/lust affection/sexual gratification. I'd be horrified if my partner objectified me like that. Luckily I got a good one and he's not only able to be affectionate, he is also aware of how his behaviour can impact on others.

Your husband probably needs to talk to someone about how mixed up he is. If you're feeling uncomfortable about it now, don't think that your concerns will go away.

Best to deal with it sooner rather than wait until you're at boiling point - it would be a shame for you to leave the marriage because you're not getting what you need.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Some men never change and become the man their women want them to be (the man of the Hollywood movies). I hope he changes; but don't expect too much.

How much groping and riding the white horse are you willing to take? That just seems to be the level of intimacy he can give. Its a bit distorted; but he's doing that at least.

Good luck.

Answer 9

If you were single and dating him...would that be ' normal ' behavior for a man ? Maybe, yes. But...would you continue dating that guy if you were seeking a relationship to grow in value with ?

Suggested conversation with your husband . . . Remind him how he pursued you with other reflections of affection in and out of the bedroom...and remind him that it should be no different now in how that affection is expressed now that you are married. Why do men (and at times women) seem to feel that it is fine to let the romance go simply because you ' got ' him ' (or her). A relationship still needs to be encouraged to grow and flourish after married...not just before married.
.

Answer 10

I know that you guys have been married for a long time now... so you have to look at the situation and think to yourself as to wether or not this is how it has always been. If it isn't then he is prolly telling some one else that he loves them. It sounds to me though for real regardless of what is going on he sounds like a pig. You should tell him to start showing you respect or you will be showing him the door.

Answer 11

Should you feel this way? there are no shoulds about your feelings. You say you feel confused and cheap. It also sounds like you feel disrespected, neglected and insecure in the relationship. He isn't listening to you and is making fun of your needs and wants. This negates and minimizes your feelings.

You want to know if this behavior is normal, well I don't think so, but the more important question to be answered is do you like this behavior. It sounds like you are unhappy with your relationship and how your husband is treating you.

You may want to try counselling for yourself. It will be helpful to have someone listen to you and treat you with respect so you can discover what you need and how to get it.

Kind regards