please help... how do you choose....?

Question

i am married and have a3 year old. i love my husband i really do,but its just not there btween us anymore. its like when things started goin down hill i tried 2 talk to him and fix things but he never got it i was straight forward. then it didnt hit him til i just couldnt take it anymore i told him we needed to be apart. all i want is for my child is to be happy and have a memorable childhood unlike mine. i can put up w/, deal w/ anythin EXCEPT FOR 1 THING! there that 1 thing i cant handle and he knows it and thats arguin in front of my son but it had gotten to that point where he would argue when my son was around, i would just clam up or walk away cuz i just can not do it. we seperated for 2 months but when i startd seein how is was affectin my son w/ us bein apart and then seein HOW hapy he was when he would come back to the house. it broke me. i let him come back cuz of seein my son that way but there is nothin btween my him and i. how do you choose btween your childs hap and you

Answer 1

i got divorsed and my kids re seeing father every week if they want to. i think it is better for kids to live in safe calm enviroment than seeing their parents arguing and fighting and mother crying and unhappy. so if u can't pretend to be happy and can't stop arguing in front of your kids it is better to live apart with your hubby

Answer 2

Our past is not our children's. Their is nothing wrong with aruguing in front of your son if the lines of respect are kept. I'll assume you grew up where that wasn't the case. But if your husband doesn't tear you apart and simply disagrees on the issue, then these are good. It is how your son will learn to solve arugments and if you two make up, he learns that even thought you don't always agree -- you still love each other. Your son is far better off with "Mom and Dad" in the home. It is possible you are too biased based on your personal expereince and the same isn't true. If you need to figure out fair fighting, then do that - but don't break up. Unless you or your son are in harms way, Staying together will benefit the son much more. So the choice is do you love yourself or your son more? The son has spoken when he lights up when "Dad' is home. So, if you want your son happy, keep the home together and learn to reslove conflicts in a respectful way - and yes, having an argument in front of children is a healthy thing.

Answer 3

How long has this been going on? Every single relationship will go through a tough spot. Most people give up and don't put in the work to try to fix things. Men and women are different. No matter what ppl try to say these days its a fact. Women need love and men need respect. How do you argue with him? If you sound dissrespectful he will react in an unloving way and so on. It is a cycle. I'm am reading a book about this very subject right now. Its called Love and Respect and is written by Dr. Emerson Eggrichs. I would recommend it. There are two other books that are good and are much shorter reading but possibly less specific for what you are going through. They are called For Men Only and For Women Only. Written by Shaunti Feldhan those two books are available at walmart. Honestly I would try the love and respect thing. Just listen to yourself when you are arguing. If you do what he needs he will do what you need. A marriage takes work. Too many ppl decide they want to quit when it gets hard. I'm not trying to sound harsh here but if you both put in the effort you could have a long happy marriage and be so glad you didn't give up. One last thing, do not push him. Men like to figure things out in their heads and then talk about them. Women figure things out BY talking about them. Once he's got it in his own head he'll be more willing to talk.

Answer 4

Honestly, sometimes working things out might seem impossible. But I promise they are. Think about what made you two fall in love in the first place. Think about what helped you decide that this was the man you wanted to be with 'til death do you part'. There are troubles and problems with every relationship. I would advise seeing a marriage counselor. The truth is, once a child is brought in to the relationship, their happiness should be one of your top priorities and if divorce could be avoided, open your mind to the possibility of seeking some professional help for the two of you. Your son deserves that, and you do too. Good luck.

Answer 5

You can't live that way if you are just not happy. Look your son is 3 and they always love having there parents around. He will get used to not having him around, he will see his dad on weekends and school holidays when he starts, but don't go back just because your son likes it. You are only going to be miserable if thats the only reason you went back. Your child will adapt, he just doesn't understand what is happening that all, the longer you leave it and the older he gets thats when it gets harder for all of you. Sort out what you want now and don't leave it. If you are unhappy your son will pick up on it and then he will start to play up because he will know something is wrong with mum... Good luck with what ever you decide

Answer 6

Hi.. I know it's difficult and this is only my opinion.. I don't really know what happen between the both of you, but maybe when things get difficult you can remember all the good times with your husband.. and hopefully this can make it bareable for you..

If you are thinking about your child maybe you can wait a few more years to decide what to do.. Wait for your son to be old enough to understand what is happening between the two of you..

It's not easy but I wish you good luck..

Answer 7

IF your hubands a good man- he doesn't cheat, abuse you or your son, takes care of his financial responsibilities, not hiding anything from you- YOU owe it to your son to give in a little and stay together! However, if there's no love, than both of you should agree to start seeing other people (although it'll be harder for you with a child!) and a friendly relationship between two parents is better than chronic fights. Good luck!

Answer 8

You cannot stay because of your child. He will eventually be old enough to sense that something is wrong between mom and dad and he will start feeling the tension in the house. I had to live that way for a year when I was 13-14 cuz my dad stayed in our house til he moved and you could cut the air with a knife. Please don't stay for your son. He is young enough that he will learn how to adapt to it. Good Luck.

Answer 9

its so easy to quite,when things arent going our way, isnt it?
you married this man for a reason,yall are just going through a hump that all married couples go through
men aint into talking,i'm sure you've been married long enough to know that
try to make it work for your son and your self
make it entertaining for your husband,make a romantic dinner and get dressed up,just try to sneak it in,let him know your commited to making it work because you love him and you hope he is too.
if that dont work try crying thats the only time the pay attention.
two different personalities are bound to bump heads some time right...
is it really worth it to get a divorce over a couple of arguments?

Answer 10

Sometimes I think that my parents stayed together because of us kids. I saw and heard them fight A LOT! I KNOW that my father stayed because he loved my Mom, she's gone now, but i can't say that she felt the same. Kids will bounce back from heartache. But the longer you draw it out, the more bad memories you create for them and the longer it affects them later in life. I sometimes wish they had not stayed together as long as they did. My dad is still here, and he still walks on water to me. But I am left with many unpleasent memories of my childhood. Memories I do not care to repeat. Sometimes love isn't enough, put your children first.

Answer 11

is this your husbands child also..cuz u keep saying 'your' son?
Please make a note of that. it certaintly is a more loving and happy environment for the child/children to not have to hear arguing...that's a fact. but dont forget to be your husband's sweetheart. dont be all mother protector. be your man's woman.
get a babysitter and get and give some good loving to your man. enjoy his company :).
peace