My husband is not loving and affectionate---I am unhappy?

Question

I come from a close, loving family. My father especially was loving, warm, and wonderful. When I married (years ago) I thought my husband would grow into a loving husband and father, but it didn't happen. Throughout the marriage I have had close male friends (not affairs, no physical cheating). I am sad because my husband doesn't give me the affection/appreciation/affirmation I need. What to do? Counseling hasn't helped.

I meant to write "affirmation"

Answer 1

communication is a powerful tool if you love each other then sit down and talk and if you two can work it out then it time to move on but you both should be one and working together because marriage is like a job everyone need to do their part good love

Answer 2

You can't change the way your husband is. That's who he is. That's what you thought you could do is change him. He is still the same. So, you need to just be affectionate, show appreciation to him. Not every man is made to be this way, he can show you his appreciation by doing other things for you to show his love, by filling the car with gas, taking out the trash, loading the dish washer. That is his way of showing you his affection and love. So, what do you do for him?

I would consider on reading, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage".

So start appreciating the things that he does, rather than the things that he doesn't do. Just hold his hand!

Answer 3

Have you ever seen two old people who hate each other and resent each other but live that way because they dont belive in divorce. Do you want to be like that. Counseling wont help and he will not change... someone should have told you that before you got married. As for you male friend don't say there is nothing there but friendship otherwise you would not have brought him up. You are not going to be happy until something changes and you can not live your life unhappy like this , its probably time to move on.... for both your sakes.

Answer 4

My question is how are you regarding your husband. Are you critical towards him, bad mouthing him, do you hang out all his dirty wahing for all to see, especially your parents? Do you show him any respect?

Its possible that one of those or even all apply and if so, then your answer is lack of respect. You see, the bible says in Ephesians 5:33 that a man is commanded to love his wife and a wife is commanded to RESPECT her husband, why because woman seldom respect their husbands and do what I described above. SOmetimes other women encourage them by the way they respond to their husbands to treat their husbands with disrespect and bad mouth them openly at parties and things, sometimes taking a dig in a joke or some sinister way but it hits the bone nevertheless. When a man gets no respect he withdraws from his wife and becomes aloof sits glued to the television and goes to bed early or long after she has retired. The woman in turn begins to get angry and the story of a woman scorned is like a woman from hell happens. The relationship goes into a crazy cycle and the two have a war on their hands.

To stop this cycle one has to yield, but sometimes the fighting becomes such a habit that it becomes comical as we see in sitcoms. It is still not healthy and left unattended will lead to divorce. IF this is happening in your marriage I suggest you begin showing him respect. Sit and write down all the things you respect about him and slowly not all at once you begin to show him the respect he deserves. It has to be unconditional by the way as should his love to you be. It will take time to win his confidence but I promise you he will soften towards you. Slowly the crazy cycle will recede and things will get warm and loving again.

Get the book LOVE AND RESPECT by Dr Emerson Eggerichs and read it carefully. It makes one see things in perspective again and I know it will help your marriage. It helped mine and many other of my friends so much we cannot stop recommending it to people. It is brilliant. Start praying for your husband because the bible also says that if you pray for someone you find favor with the person you are praying for! Stormie Omartian wrote a book called The Power Of The Praying WIfe. Prayer is very powerful and DOES work. You cannot go wrong!

I hope you think about this at least and consider it because this is a sure method of getting tings right again. You have nothing to lose by trying this.

God bless you both and may your marriage grow strong and loving again and you be together to the end.

It also might be a good thing to look at yourself and to see whats driving you and to deal with whatever is causing you to feel so bad about things. Ask God to show you what the problems might be. If you want further help email me. You are most welcome. I understand what you are feeling. HAve been there too. More than likely you are negative and listen to negative feelings and emotions. To overcome them you have to choose to override them and operate positively and confidently. Stop fearing the end of a good marriage. Be positive and accountable to yourself and your husband and choose to ignore negative thought patterns. Throw them out. You may and you must for your own good. Replace them with positive thoughts. This is how one renews one's mind and its called taking ones thoughts captive. It requires commitment and dedication and if you have backbone you will do it. DOnt operate with a wish bone...I wish this and I wish that!!! Operated with a back bone!!! You can and you must! God bless you girl I will pray for you for more strength to carry on!

Answer 5

I come from a similar background and my fiance too wasn't shown the same amount of affection growing up. It's hard to understand but you cant expect him to change overnight. You have to be the one to assert more affection in order to get him to slowly being the aggressor. Most ppl who dont grow up in affectionate families arent affectionate themselves, or are overly affectionate...its one extreme or the other. be patient and YES counseling is a great option if you can get him to go. go before it becomes a major problem in the relationship

Answer 6

you didnt specify how many years ago,or your hubby's age or work or other activities. trying to work and support a family can drain a man or woman of any emotions.. there might be a hidden stress factor here. especially id counseling didnt help.. did you go alone or with hubby to counseling??and did he participate in any discussions?

Answer 7

people love differently. some are touchy feely, others are more verbal about their love. while others do nice things like making breakfast in bed. If your unhappy, you might be difficult to touch. I loved an unhappy person, and i am very affectionate, but because her constant gloom, I found it difficult to want to be affectionate. People like to touch happiness, and avoid unhappiness

Answer 8

There are people in this world who are cold, unattached and sort of mechanical. Perhpas they cant respond to warmth because they cant identify it, since they did not receive it at home.Most people I know in this situation end up cheating, just to feel a hug, or a sense of belonging. I hate to tell you this but he probably wont change and you will end up despaired and in an affair.....

Answer 9

that is sad. he may not ever be snuggly with you on his own. maybe he's skin sensitive? try cuddling and touching and or kissing your hubby in casual ways throughout the day/night.
give him daily massages. just because he's not hanging all over you, doesnt mean that you cant enjoy it to touch him...after all when your skin touches its the same isnt it? and he will soon feel good and happy and so will you. peace

Answer 10

Realize this: "some of us will not change".

Now the question becomes: "Can you continue to deal with it?"

I guess you found the answer you were looking for. It was right there all the time.