When a person has been abused and has had a hard time with a lot of resentment, failure and sad stories need help it is very difficult to provide help and sympathy because he or she will treat you the same way he has gone through and will do you serious harm, so how can you provide help.....
2007-02-15 18:04:05 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
You shouldn't provide help as long as you are emotionally attatched. In that situation it is better to bring in a professional who has the ability to withdraw their personal feelings and deal with the situation from a better perspective.
2007-02-15 18:10:48 · answer #1 · answered by Gist 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have some serious personal experience with this one!
Believe it or not. YOU HAVE TO JUST BE HONEST with the person, in the end-if they have any sense beneath their resentment, vengeance, and anger......they will respect you all the more for laying it out on the table and telling them like IT IS.
These types are the ones that this expression was made for: "MISERY LOVES COMPANY"...they "need" ppl to join in their pity party; and b4 u know it; you are wholly consumed in their depression right along with them.
Withholding forgiveness against whomever was their offender can cause A LOT OF INNER TURMOIL AND DAMAGE. The resentment only hurts the offended; insomuch that the victim becomes re-victimized all over again.
I KNOW IT IS DIFFICULT, but when I said that you must be HONEST, I meant it. When I say, be blunt- I mean it....bc they will have you chasing your own tail for answers to the sorrows that they have unfortunatley faced. You have to grab them by their sensibilities and tell them that NO ONE CAN MAKE ANOTHER PERSON MISERABLE: WE ALL HOLD THE KEY THAT RELEASES THE DOOR THAT HOLDS ALL THAT RESENTMENT AND HOSTILITY INSIDE> TELL THEM TO CHOSE< BY "actively renewing their mind" to the end that they will not allow the past to daily resurrect its ugly head.!!!!
Good luck,
If this fails....then tell the person that you love them, but cannot hang around and help them daily remembering their past hurts, LOVE DOES NOT LIE> truth tells it like it is, and provides answers for the hurting.
The most spiteful ppl are always the ones that need LOVE the most.
GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FRIEND
^^7^^
2007-02-16 02:27:11 · answer #2 · answered by º§€V€Nº 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't. If smeone is abusive to you then you need to not be with that person.
You can say something like, "Fred, I know you're depressed and have a lot of things to be dealing with, and I hope you will get yourself some professional help. Right now, though, the situation is more than I'm able to handle or help with."
You then get out.
(If you're in a situation in which leaving would put you in danger talk to someone who deals with that type of situation and who will advise you on what to do next.)
2007-02-16 02:15:33 · answer #3 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The depression is from the years of abuse & being treated badly. That person thinks everyone will treat him/her badly, so gives you an "excuse" to do the same with him/her, by being abusive to you. See it for what it is & let that person know that you are NOT going to add to his/her depression or be abusive. Show you care- little presents, little gestures, regular contact- all mean a lot. This person needs to have his/her ego boosted as much as possible. Do whatever it takes to make this person feel like he/she is smart, able, handsome, whatever to boost his/her ego- which has been damaged thru years of abuse.
2007-02-16 02:12:33 · answer #4 · answered by sweetsinglemom 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I dont think you can. I went through a period of time with a person who was like that and who was also very abusive to me. At the time I really wanted to help them and it was almost like an addiction to me. I accepted their abuse and I excused it because of what they went through and I thought that was just the way they were. It turns out I couldnt help and I wasted alot of time and self-esteem. And to be honest, I still get sucked it to this persons problems. I wish I could stop, but its hard.
2007-02-16 02:16:50 · answer #5 · answered by jlily680 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmm...do not be thier therapist. HE/SHE needs one though desperatly and a professional one. Suggest that he/she needs to see one and needs help and possibly medication to help the depression. If you are in a relationship with this person, get out and tell him/her you can continue a relationship once he/she gets help. You will only get dragged down w/ this person.
Good Luck to you and this person.
2007-02-16 02:10:59 · answer #6 · answered by maria s 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can't change him he needs therapy and meds walk away now before something bad happens to u.
2007-02-16 04:29:28 · answer #7 · answered by babygirl143_dk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to get away, they must live alone with them selves to see the effect
they have in order to change.
2007-02-16 02:11:09 · answer #8 · answered by Bear 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
shouldnt the focus be on you and my question is why do you tolerate this mess!
2007-02-16 02:24:03 · answer #9 · answered by wise 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋