How can I make myself feel better about myself? My husband ran off with another woman?

Question

My husband ran off with another woman. He met her at some convention, she became friends with him and was often at out place. She flirted with him often, but I did not suspect. They had that affair for at least 4-5 months.
Now they are married. And she is much more better than me: an MD, wonderfully pretty, and all his entourage adores her. They call her a sweetheart to her face. He made her a president of one of his businesses, they bought one house together, and now are buying another, for about 1 mln US, he got her a bank account with 1 mln US, they travel every weekend, she wears expensive jewellery, watches and furs. And they dote on each other.
I can't even have the satisfaction to think that he did worse, or that
they would be unhappy, or that she is not good. And I am not even good looking.
I think I deserve what happened and I feel so bad about myself.
I wish I could make myself to feel at least a little bit better about
myself.

You are so kind, but where is to move? I am not that young, and sit here, in my rented little hole, with very little money, and they have all the world to live,
explore with, and enjoy. Boats, and ski resorts, and it's not only this, for they are doing things and get into papers. She calls me "this crazy woman".
They even got my engagement ring.

They even tried to write a book and sent me a manuscript. It was about
how they met, how they had sex for the first time, and then how they
saved the world from global epidemic. I was there, too. Called "family
curse". "XXX dropped off the stairs and cut his head today, after we returned from the club. It's because of our curse. if omething bad happens in our family, it's because of her."

Answer 1

Please stop beating yourself up! There is a reason for the saying, "Birds of a feather flock together". They got together because they both have absolutely no regard for the sanctity of marriage. They obviously worship money, and their relationship has very little to do with love. He did do worse, because he married a woman who is willing to sleep with a married man. If she did it once, she'll do it again, and you already know he's a cheater so who needs either of them!? Keep doing what you know is right and a proper man will eventually come into your life and you'll be happier than ever before!

Answer 2

The things we see with our eyes are often at odds with reality.
The reason they are together go beyond what is apparent.
You see, they have other things in common. First of all they are both adulterers. The second thing is neither have any self respect. Look beyond the material things you listed and understand that they lack class. Your husband did not leave you because you were not good enough.It was just that the 'other woman' is on the same level as he is, a lower level. It does not matter if she is a MD. And I doubt that she is any prettier than you. You have idealized her and your ex,believing them to be more than they are. Sooner or later his wife will understand that if he cheated on you he will cheat on her. Pick yourself up and understand that your ex does not have the power to define you.It does not matter who he is with. You have a new life now. It's okay to grieve,that's natural when you love someone. But give yourself some love too.What happened was not your fault.You have the power to rebuild your self esteem. Talk to God because He does care and He is NOT impressed by their jewelry,watches or furs so you should'nt be either. You have better days ahead of you. Understand that the woman IS NOT better than you,no one is. You have every reason to feel good about yourself. You did not lose your husband, he lost you. It's all about perspective.

Answer 3

My dear lady:

You can't go through life comparing you to everyone else. There will always be someone prettier, sexier, and smarter. I hate to be so direct here: given your question's content I get the impression you have a major self image issue. This may even have a root cause for your divorce. I sense your ex-husband chose a lady that best matched his life style.

You have to learn to love you for you. You can't waste you whole life wallowing in your own self-loathing. You can pick-up your self and start a new life but first stop being down on you. Be happy for your husband that he found someone he can be happy with. You just need to go out into the world and do the same.

You have to option of going out and change what you don't like about yourself. Look in the mirror and be honest about what your can improve. Remember you are doing this for you and no one else. Read some self help books, get a new hair style, new clothing or do anything you think will make you feel better.

I send much love to you....

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You have a choice: either you sit there and worry our ex-husband life or you stop your self pitying and make something out of you own life. Many people in worse positions than this have created some pretty special lives. What you do with your life is entirely up to you.

I met this about 8 years ago that was just as emotionally destroyed as you from her divorce. Her husband took every once of self-respect from her. She had little money and no formal education but she had pure determination. When we met he she was over 40. She asked it I would mentor her until she could figure things out on her own. She worked hard, got her undergrad, got her masters and now managing technical departments in large a corporation.

The reality, no matter what your husband has done to your life it remains you responsibility to make that best of this situation. You have to decide what you want and decisively start working on your life. You were dealt a poor hand in life but no matter how unfair it may seem to you still have to play it. This is just the way of things.

From a more spiritual point of view there is obviously a lesson for your learn from this situation. If you don't get the lesson you are doomed to repeat it. Dig deep down within and find the strength to move on and make the best of your life. It is the only thing you can do. You can only start from where you are.

Answer 4

No matter what, your cheating louse actually proved to you what kind of man he really is-someone you don't need to be with. He may do the same to her eventually or perhaps she'll be the one to stray. Hell, either way you can feel better cause you know two things: (1) He is a cheating low-life! (2) He left you for a woman who is so morally low that she would mess with a married man! Sweetie I assure you one day Karma will drop kick them in the face. Good returns to good, as evil returns to evil! Just sit back and wait. In the mean, time be happy that you are free to find a man with a true heart! Don't dwell on them and give them the satisfaction of making you miserable.

Answer 5

don't focus on her, and her beauty, and what she has, or your ego will be hurt, sure they seem to be getting ahead, they seem to be happy, but bad deeds to come back to people who hurt others, it isn't all about looks it has to do with what is inside of us. all these things u mention are just materialistic things, that really don't matter at all, she isn't a good person inside and karma will find her sooner or later. just get yourself a new life, u can't find that life sitting in feeling sorry for u. this was not about u, or anything u did wrong, sometimes life throws us some pretty bad things. we just have to accept things, hard as it is sometimes. she is not better than u, it is only what u are telling yourself. u got to have higher regard for yourself and love yourself, but what it really amounts to is how u see your maker, if u see him as cruel and harsh that is going to be how u see yourself. good luck

Answer 6

I know it must have been real hard to face the fact that your ex has left you for another woman. but why are you focusing on what she has going for her? or what he is doing for her? sorry to say this, but you have better things to do! just listening to how your heart is speaking out, i can tell that you have a good loving heart, very generous woman, but sister it is time to move on. material things dont last forever, seek what God has for you. Did you know that He has a plan for your life? all you have to willingly do is seek more of Him and He will fullfill that pain that you are holding on to. just let it go and give it to Him, He will give you far more better things then any human being can give. only He can fill you with real unconditional love...just believe in Him and trust Him with all your heart. DONT GIVE UP SWEETHEART! you are precious to Him and He sees you and knows you more than you can even imagine. GOD BLESS YOU!

Answer 7

The male you married is a loser! Lady, there is nothing wrong with you!

Start doing meaningful things! Take Martial Arts,
learn/play tennis, learn to play the flute or violin,
travel to Europe, Take cooking classes in Paris or Switzerland. Visit museums, the theater, plays ballets.

Go into the woods and get yourself a large piece of mistletoe, hang it on the back of your skirt/pants, and Tell everyone, Its Christmas!

If you want to get away, do not be afraid to join one of the military services - good pay, no rent or food issues, learn a good profession, all new faces!

Answer 8

Im so sorry!!! to know about what has happened.You are not the cause for ur husband leaving you.he is not a commited guy...And that is his problem..But he will realize itThe beauty is not on the physical.. but inside which you have .If ur husband has gone he wil again go with someone more beautiful outwardly.He cant stop himself..U just take care of urself..Try to talk to him..dont think about the other woman...coz she will not be able to face the test of love when probs come..

Answer 9

You are almost funny because you make it sound like money is everything and that's why they are happy. The thing you need to understand is that there is someone for everyone and she is his someone doesn't make her any better then you. Now you need to move on and find that person that is for you and you will have the same happiness if not more with or without money. if you would like to chat more email me at [e-mail]

Answer 10

You need to move on and forget all about your ex-husband. You don't realize it but you are better off without him, he is a cheater and most likely he eventually will cheat on his current wife.

Best of luck to you!