How do I tell her that I don't want to have sex?

Question

I love my fiance, and we have a very good relationship. I enjoy sex just like the next man or woman. The problem is that she wants it constantly, like morning, noon and night. At first it was ok, but now I find myself making excuses such as a stomache ache and such. The only time I ever mentioned that I didn't feel like having sex, she was upset that there must be something wrong with her. This is the woman I plan on spending the rest of my life with. I work a strenious job, and I am active in the gym. Most of the time I'm either tired or sore and she still wants it. She is very sexy and is absolutely beautiful. How on earth can I talk to her about this without breaking her heart or having her think that there is something wrong with her?

n/

Answer 1

You have an enviable problem.

Don't ever say NO to a lady. Train yourself as you have the opportunity to do so.

By the way the workout you will do with her is better than the one you do in the gym......if you learn the movements, the reps and the sets well.

Good Luck

Answer 2

The best thing is to be honest. If she's the woman that you want to spend the rest of your life with then she must understand where you are comming from. She knows that you have a very stressful and strenuous job and also are active at the gym. She must understand that you are sometimes tired and sore. Just let her know what going on and when you do have sex give it to her for all the time that was lost.

Answer 3

Well, aren't you in a predicament!? :)

If I were you, I'd try to understand why in the world she wants sex all of the time. It's possible that she's just a bonafide nympho, but alternatively does she have any reason to feel insecure in your relationship? I've noticed that alot of women tend to use sex as a way to "hold on to her man." It generally makes them feel more secure in the relationship, as well as more desired and confident. My guess is that for some reason she subconsciously feels that you may leave her, or cheat on her, or lose interest, or whatever, and that's why she's acting this way. You should talk to her about this, and really communicate to resolve the deeper issue. I really don't think that the sex is the actual problem... the sex is just a symptom of the real issue.

Enough quasi-insightfulness though. If you simply just want a statement to use to shoot her down, I suggest a twisted compliment; build her up and flatter her, while also letting her down gently. Something along the lines of, "when we're together, it's just so intense and deep that I can't just make it quick and trivial all the time." Or "you satisfied me so much last time, I don't know if I have anything left." Corny, I know, but us ladies eat this stuff up!

Good luck!

Answer 4

My husband and I had the same problem before we got married. I had just moved in and it seemed like our sex life went down the drain. I always wanted it and he never did. I went as far as starting to cancel the wedding. When eventually he reassured me (a lot) and I got the picture. But up until the constant reassurance for about a month I thought he didnt "want" me. It sucks to say that but as a woman if a man doesnt want to be with you then you do feel ugly and unwanted. Now that we are married and my hubby is stable at his job the tables have turend and hes always asking me for sex. So it just takes time and I think a lot of it has to do with getting married and all the new stuff. So just keep telling her how stressed you and how much you love her and all that...eventually she'll realize its not her.

Answer 5

how can u talk about our intimal issues in front of everyone!!!!...hahaha just kidding, you sound so much as my ex. I did had a problem like this, and I really understand what's going on with your fiance. I understood a lot a bout men with my last bf, things that most of you doesn't like to admit. First: women are so in to sex as men, and may be more. Second: guys are always boasting about their sexual stamina but in real life...well, sometimes girls can stand it more. Guys tend to loose their sexual drive in time with the same girl, though they are not unwilling to try it with another girl. While girls can love their special ones for really long time without getting bored of the "same old dude". After all, believe me it is not sex what really matters. Your gf must be feeling insecure these days, sometimes girls tend to think that if their partners are not treating them as usual, then something must be wrong. And if you are not sexually attracted to her as you used to, then even worst!. So my advise here: let her know how you feel, with a lot of care and love you can make her understand that for both of you is better to decrease the speed and give each other space. That way you two are going to enjoy even more than before every time you share love in a physical way, and you will understand that sex is nothing but a way (too intense and energizing) to express the love you feel for each other. Peace for you and hope everything goes fine.

Answer 6

Tell her the truth!

You are about to be married to this lady. I think you should be able to tell her that you don't want to have sex, among other things. If you feel like you can't tell her this, then maybe you should reevaluate the relationship you share.

If she truly loves you she will understand, anyway. Just tell her that "you can't handle her." But say it in a sexy way. She will be flattered and at the same time she will lay off on the sex. When telling a woman something like this remember, approach is everything!

Answer 7

Do you think there is something wrong with her or yourself?
Some of the answers given are great here....I think she is insecure about her relationship with you. Please do not ignore her when she runs to you when she is either upset with you or someone else or anything for that matter..... women need attention from their man, that's cuz women are emotional while men are rational... She might be using sex as a weapon to get your attention.
Talk to her in a loving way...ask her if there is anything that is bothering her.. hold her in your arms while you talk to her....kiss her if u may when you are relating the issues to her....
Finally when she opens up, be her shoulder to cry on, even if she rants about you not loving her or any negative remarks she may have about you....she is emotional..she is a woman...
Tell her that she is sexy & beautiful and you love her very much but tell her that you love her regardless of her physical attributes....when she feels secure and at ease, she will understand you and your needs...... but you gotta reassure her first....
Gud luck...

Answer 8

ok mate, the key to doing this is that you tell her at a casual time .... not when she is asking for it, doing that would exacerbate the situation. Use some psychology on her, what you do is you tell her ... "baby look, we have sex 3 times a day 7 days a week and I absolutely love making it with you but I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want you to know that a kiss and a cuddle is just as good to me as making love to you" say something like that because what it will do is put the idea in her head when all you said was its ok for us to cuddle... practically foolproof ... Goodluck

Answer 9

If your sex drives are that far apart, you are in for a very rocky road. Unfortunately there is really no way she isn't going to take it a little bit personally at best. Perhaps you should seek out pre-marriage counseling BEFORE discussing this and the counselor can help you out. Good Luck!!

Answer 10

Matching sex-drives is very important for a couple who plan to spend their entire lives together. Let me just put it this way, in a relationship, even if one person is dissatisfied, there's a problem there. It won't last. either you have to get yourself checked or discuss it with her before it is too late. Good luck.