Should I do something extra special for dear hubby?

Question

My husband has done so much for me over the years. He's been there for me through the hard times, hes seen me through college, and has worked his rear off for me. I feel like I should do something special for all that he has done for me.

Given that he has never been with another woman except me, I feel like I should give him a threesome or something wild like that. I can tell that the fact that he has never been with another woman is starting to get to him. Especially since I had my fun before I married him. I just think it would be selfish and hypocritical for me to deny him that kind of pleasure. Plus I don't want him going to the grave regretting that he never experienced all of what life has to offer.

Why should he be punished for being a good husband to me all these years? The way I see it, he has earned it.

And please no lectures about vows or sanctity of marriage.

There is no denying it. He IS a good husband. He has never cheated on me plus all of the stuff I mentioned above.

Of course I don't want him to start a relationship with another woman. I just want him to get his freak on so he can have that experience. That way when we are both old and grey, we have some fond memories of our wild and young years.

Answer 1

I'm going to take a minute to respond to some of what other people have said.

Several people have said: "He's not being punished, He's been blessed with a woman like you" (or something like that.)

Very true! I also have a wife as considerate as you, and believe me, it is the best thing in the world! I read somewhere that behind every good man there is a great woman. Well, my wife is the great woman behind me. Without my wife, I would have gone insane years ago. We've had some rough times, but it's all mostly worked out. She loves me, and I love her. But as odd as it may sound in today's world, our marriage is not based on the fact that we love each other. We support each other. Honestly (and my wife would tell you the same thing) I support her more than she supports me most of the time. But at the times when she does support me, she's all I've got because she's all I need. Having a woman that dependable is a blessing beyond compare and has made me the success in life that I am.

Kristina M said: "That was his choice for waiting. Don't make his choices your burden."

Yes, it was his choice to wait. BUT you two are one now. His burdens are your burdens. I wouldn't marry a woman like Kristina, it's a selfish attitude of ignoring your husband.... but I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts that if her husband ignored her needs even once he'd never hear the end of it.

bughappy79 said: "I would not do that since I just don't think the I would be able to have the same marriage again."

She's right. But you never have the same marriage day to day. My wife spent 6 months in the hospital, the doctors told me that she might never recover. She did... but do you think we had the same marriage? Hell no! I'd watched her dying! Even the day to day stuff changes your marriage: you get a little more bored and a little more comfortable every day, and so your marriage is different. The thing you have to ask yourself at everything you do is, "Is this the kind of change in the marriage I want?" This ties in well to what 2Bme said.

2Bme said: "What if he enjoys the other woman more than he does you?"

You have to figure out how you're going to handle this. This can be anything from him finding her more attractive to him enjoying something she does that you can't/won't to her having some physical attribute you don't like being short or tall or asian or whatever. How are you going to handle that? You need to be prepared for it even if it's unlikely.

Moniqque said: "Never compromise your moral standards under any situation."

But it doesn't sound like you are. It sounds like you're okay with this kind of thing, but your husband never had that chance for whatever reason and you want to share what you can with him.

But usually this is the battle cry of someone (man or woman) who wants to have all the fun they can before they get married and then settle down. Here's something for you to ponder: the woman your husband married was not the married you. Think about it, really, were you married when he proposed? Of course not! Did he know how marriage was going to change you? He might have had some ideas, but he didn't know. So if you were sowing your wild oats back then, but you've settled down now... remember that you husband married the woman who was sowing her wild oats! Scary thought, isn't it?

Of course, marriage does change things, marriage is not dating, and marriage is not as easy as dating to just walk away from (and I think it should be harder than it is to just walk away from it.) But with that in mind, what do you do? You can't go back to living like you don't have a husband, but at the same time that was the woman he fell in love with. You're as different as a butterfly is from a caterpillar. But everything that you were should be included in what you have become. The hard part is trying to stuff it all into one life together.

cfoster001 said: "With your thinking and attitude about him, shows you that you really don't care for his feelings or your marriage at all, but only yourself."

and livlafluv said: "Why can't he be with the woman alone why do you have to be there?"

I disagree, in a way. Your attitude seems to be focused on what you think he wants. But livalufluv does have a point... when you were with your previous men, you were alone... why does he need a chaperone? The answer is simple, and ties back into what I said before about sharing each other's burdens: because it would make you uncomfortable to have him go off alone with a girl. Just because you're doing something for him doesn't give him a right to stop taking your burdens.

There is one thing about our attitude that bothers me because of that. You seem so preoccupied on what he "deserves." Well, what he deserves is debatable. My wife used that one on me once, and I had to explain to her that I believe no one deserves anything: we didn't earn our first breath, so since that much is a gift and everything we have done since then is based on that first breath, we're eternally in debt. The one that gave me that first breath (and every one that I didn't earn thereafter) has the right to revoke that breath and all that I have gained from it... in other words, everything! Yet another scary thought, eh? But since we're all in the same boat as far as that goes, we have a sort or relative debt to each other sometimes. The victim of a crime "deserves" restitution, a worker "deserves" his wages, etc. I'm not sure what crime you could have committed against your husband to make him deserve this... and I'm not sure what he could have done for you to make you that much in his debt, but that's more or less between you and him. I'd say talk to him to make sure you're both on the same page as to what exactly he deserves in the situation, because if you think you're paying the debt in full and he's seeing it as a down payment, that could cause serious problems.

Anyway, I myself suggest you talk to him a lot about what is going to happen and make sure he's okay with it all and that it's going to be good for everyone involved.

Answer 2

He's not being punished at all. The fact that you would consider something like that proves that you are in touch with his emotions and not a selfish person. I have never heard of anyone bringing someone else into their marrige and anything good coming from it. There are so many other ways for you to keep the home fires burning. Role playingis good. Get a wig, and do yourself up as something totally different then you, and create a scenario with this other women you created.

Answer 3

You certainly run some risks doing that: diseases are one, another is you are opening up a can of worms by introducing that idea. What if he enjoys it and then continues to have a 1:1 affair with the woman or seeks out other 3 somes? It also does undermine your marraige and it could add feelings of guilt to those involved. Plus it's morally wrong. Why not focus on spicing up your own love life with him..... a romantic get away , something that benefits you as a couple? No guilt in that stuff...

Answer 4

Woman. I am only going to say this once. I LOVE YOU. You don't know how awesome you are for putting your husbands needs first.

Most women on here are the typical types that would "never" allow their husbands to have some fun on the side. But I bet you a lot of these ladies have cheated on somebody in their past or current relationships.

So don't listen to these haters. I say your intentions are good and your husband will love you forever for being so open minded and offering such a cool gift.

Answer 5

Wow lady. At last a woman that is not all about being selfish! The fact that you are thinking about your husbands needs speaks volumes about your character.

Some women on here have already tried to discourage you. Maybe they will never be secure enough to handle something like this.

Once again you are my hero. I just wish more women out there were like you. Then maybe the divorce rate would not be so high.

Answer 6

Oh, I'm not going to give you any sanctity lecture but I will tell you this much-never compromise your moral standards under any situation. I hate to see you ruin what sounds like a pretty decent relationship. You know how dangerous it can be to let another woman in your bedroom and if you don't want to hear that, try it and see what happens. Just be prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions. So what if he never sowed his oats? That's what love is-settling down with the one you will love forever.

Answer 7

Some people can handle swinging and some people can not. Which one are you and your hubby. You are to be commended for thinking of him this way. How do you think things will be after the threesome? Will either of you want to do this again? Will you get offended if he wants to do it again and you do not? Who will chose the third party? Last but not least, are you bi enough to get into this or two on him?

A lot of questions I know but all are important.

Answer 8

He's not being punished! He's been blessed with a woman like you!

Anyway, I'm not against threesomes in a casual setting, but bringing another person into a marriage is ALWAYS trouble. I have never seen it work out.

Maybe you should indulge him in one of his fantasies of you. Role play, use toys, etc...but another woman would just be trouble.

Answer 9

I would not do that since I just don't think the I would be able to have the same marriage again. I feel that it was his choice to marry you before experiencing anything else but if that is what you want to do then why are you asking?

Answer 10

Congrats! We basically were given married a week in the past! enable me say, after the reception we were both exhausted and sweaty and pungent. So once you're at the same time as a lot as getting down that evening, take a bath first. which will be your "more beneficial particular". Take a bath mutually, get your groove on in there and then flow it to the bedroom! i does no longer bypass all out that evening, that is too hard. Take time to plot out the nights after the marriage! I did that, grew to grow to be out tremendous! ! ! I were given a particular nightie for each evening of our honeymoon! solid success :)

Answer 11

well you have been together this long and obously enjoyed what you2 have had together must of been real good for the both of you if you go and do a threesome that might cause problems with your marriage so just be very careful what you do in that case