but haven't had intercourse. He can't - but we don't know why exactly. We think it must be an emotional issue now after a few doctor's visits and nothing... We saw counselors and I've tried various tactics to help: talking, not talking about it, yelling, crying, ignoring it, "fooling around" with him (not other men) and initiating intimacy, being understanding and patient, being firm. I never felt he tried as hard to find a solution as he should. He eventually got to where he didn't want to even fool around. And I reached that point too. But I'm 34 and wanted sex again someday! Then I found out he'd been watching porn (betwen $100-$500/month) and satisfying himself. I think that's addiction-level but he refused to acknowledge it. Therefore, how can we treat the problem? Then I asked him to go. What would you have done?
2007-02-15 15:42:32 · 9 answers · asked by toplessone19700 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
Well, he doesn't have a problem sexually, else he wouldn't be able to satisfy himself. He does have a problem with porn, and till he admits he has a problem with that and gets help for that, there's not much you can do. The reason counselors didn't help is because he wasn't honest with them. A counselor is only as good as the truth we tell them. If you love him, which I know you do else you wouldn't be here asking your question. You can give him an ultimatum...it's either the porn or you! that way you won't have to regret throwing him out, cause he would be making that decision! If he left, he chose porn over you. If he's watching it on the internet, and if you and him can live without it...then have it disconnected for a time period. I love the internet myself, and I wouldn't want to have it disconnected, but if I was in his shoes...I would have to stop for a while. I don't like porn myself, cause I too have a tendency to watch it, if it's around, and sooner or later I would want more of it...till porn won't satisfy me, then I want the real thing to the point of cheating on the one I love. You right...it is an addiction!!!, and the time I spend looking at porn, I could be looking at the one I love. I could probably try to justify it be saying that I never cheated on my girl and that I'm not hurting her in anyways, but it would be hurting her, cause I would be depriving her from a fulfilling sex life.
2007-02-16 02:22:19 · answer #1 · answered by WV_Nomad 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
8 years and no sex?? WTF?!?! I'd have been gone a long time ago, especially after finding out that he has no problem satisfying himself while watching porn....you spent good money on Dr's and Counselors and this whole time he's done nothing but lie to you....
My issue with this isn't so much the porn, but the neglect you've been dealt and the deceit.
Instead of spending the money on dr's and counseling, you should have went out and bought a new wardrobe and some jewelry. You probably could have if he'd have just been honest about it in the first place.
8 years......unbelieveable!!
Go find someone that will give you the life you deserve and the satisfaction you need.
2007-02-23 12:54:13 · answer #2 · answered by mizt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well done! You deserve better, If he would prefer porno than you fine leave him with his porno. He will grow old and his porno will do him no good as a companion to talk with to understand him. Good job! I would have done the same thing. Look for someone better, someone who care for you not a sick person like you husband or ex husband. Good Luck. And enjoy you single life.
2007-02-23 10:16:47 · answer #3 · answered by mexlavanderlover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. You were not wrong. You are smart and courageous.
I had a husband who was cold, neglectful, abusive and loved to lock himself in a room with porn on the VCR and a supply of tissues.
I'll never understand him. I don't have to deal with him, anymore.
(No. I didn't kill him.)
2007-02-23 15:49:53 · answer #4 · answered by Charlie Kicksass 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i come across it extremely perplexing which you assert "he won't be in a position to have intercourse with you" - i presumed it grew to become right into a actual subject. yet then you definately say he satisfies himself mutually as observing porns (which i do no longer think of is very undesirable - observing I propose) - so it won't be in a position to be a actual subject... i think he's no longer attracted to you ( i'm sorry i truthfully do no longer propose to insult you) or he has another subject with you as a individual. you have already tried lots, i think you may desire to take the subsequent step: clarify as quickly as greater which you like him, clarify your emotions and then ask him to depart! unhappy to declare yet of course the two one among you're no longer meant to be mutually. i think of it is going to harm and you will no longer sense to sturdy whether it gets greater valuable and you've got the skill to have a greater exciting and freer existence! each and all of the best for you the two!
2016-10-02 05:36:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW that's some **** Damn women leave him you deserve way better than that its about time you concentrate on yourself and love yourself. he can go marry his porn for all i care i know its been 8 years but it wud be way better living the rest of your life happy and satisfied than destroying yourself in this relationship
2007-02-22 15:57:41 · answer #6 · answered by ILOVEU 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good for you. Sounds like he is taking you for granted. Sometimes one has to make a decision and stand your ground. Good luck.
2007-02-23 15:28:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can work it out if you want, but your husband is selfish
2007-02-23 14:53:51 · answer #8 · answered by Solitaire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you were not wrong. he obiviously did not care as much about you as he did himself. go on with your life and forget about it you did everything you could.
2007-02-22 23:21:13 · answer #9 · answered by Shelly t 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋