I didn't resolve things with a guy I dated before he died. I broke his heart because I didn't realize how much he cared. (It was at the time really casual for me.) He was a gentlemen and explained he understoood I cared for someone else and he didn't have bad feelings toward me. Later, he was diagnoised with an illness and I contacted him but didn't really follow up after he indicated he was in remission and doing ok. I was later contacted and told he had passed. As I've gotten older I realize how awful I behaved (self-centered) and how amazing he was even as a young man. I feel extreme guilt over the situation. I wish I could go back and appreciate him as a person. Its not about romance. Its about valuing a good human being that was cheated out of the opportunity to live his life. How do I do that when I cannot express to him how sorry I am that his life was cut short and that I didn't have the decency to follow up on his health.
2007-02-15 15:08:26 · 8 answers · asked by SnowWhite 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
you may appreciate him as a person now. You must realize that what you are doing now is also self centered. It's no longer about him, he is dead. It is now about you wanting to relieve your suffering because you cant take it, nothing to do with this guy. I think it would be best for you to accept what is done. Make ammends with yourself, because he is not here to make ammends with. If you really believe in the spirit world, you may want to visit his grave and say (aloud) what you have to say.
2007-02-15 15:54:07 · answer #1 · answered by thomlynch84 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I could sit here an preach to you about how you shouldn't feel guilty. His life went as it was meant to. He died because it was his time and nothing that you could have said or done would have changed that. Beyond that- write a letter. A very brutal, yet heartfelt letter to him. Then do with it what you wish. You can drop it in a mailbox- you can put it in a bottle to float out to sea- you can burn it and spread the ashes. Let go of the guilt. He is living on in a small part in you. We all leave an impression on others that we never realized that we would. Let a family member of his know how much you appreciated his life. If you can't do that- light a candle in his honor- plant a tree. Live your life differently because of him. We all do some pretty self-centered things as we grow. Don't spend your time regretting things- use those things to inspire change. You will be amazed at what you can do with those feelings. Good Luck!
2007-02-15 15:21:19 · answer #2 · answered by Shawn 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I believe this advise would be wise to consider. Your friend is in a much better place and I pray he was born again Christian and excepted Christ as his personal savior. It that was true, then he will spend his spiritual life in eternity. We are only passing through on this secular planet, merely a bat of an eyelid to God. So the answer is simple, you will find peace, if you transfer all your trust, guilt, sorry and shame, over to Jesus Christ. Jesus will take care of you. Then you can forgive yourself. Remember, it is not about you, your friend that died, or anyone around you, it is about Jesus Christ who should be important in your life. Your number one! Nothing else matters. Sure there are family and friends, but Jesus is number one.
2007-02-15 15:35:56 · answer #3 · answered by John P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write the guy a long, heartfelt letter telling him everything you wish could have been and how you regret the situation and on and on and on. And then build a little altar and perform a little ceremony and burn the letter when you are ready. Modify this technique to fit yourself and your beliefs, but you get the idea. The important thing is that you feel and acknowledge that you feel. Grief counseling is available if you need it.
2007-02-15 15:20:25 · answer #4 · answered by SIGGY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
properly in case you do no longer strategies guilt than bypass forward! save the secret. yet i might first confess your sins and than tell your female buddy by using fact she merits to comprehend. If she stops chatting with you and her sister. Do superb issues to make it as much as her. whether she does not communicate to you a minimum of you instructed the actuality and you do no longer desire this heavy burden on your decrease back for something of your existence. yet even nonetheless you made her unhappy think of in case you adult adult males have been given married your marriage could be based in a brilliant lie. The lie is going to construct up and up. it is the dazzling element to do.
2016-09-29 04:33:32 · answer #5 · answered by philibert 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, you really can't. He's dead, what can you do about it? You will be in mourning for a while, and the guilt will ease over time. Of course, show up for his funeral if it hasn't already been done.
There is no shame in honest sorrow, only in succumbing to pain over that which cannot be changed.
2007-02-15 15:17:20 · answer #6 · answered by doctorevil64 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
NOW IS YOUR CHANCE!
you sit in a quiet dark room and you talk to them!
when people pass... Its usually the living that say why me, how could this have happened to me, what will I do, I shouldve - I
could have - I hope .... well face reality those are very SELFISH statements ... you should really be thinking that they are free and happy now away from disease and pain and they get a 2nd chance now ... when you talk to him tell him that you hope he finds happiness now and thats it move on HE HAS!.
2007-02-15 15:39:46 · answer #7 · answered by sam 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have learned something from this experience and that means his life had a purpose for you, remember him and remember what he taught you, that all you can do now. If there is an afterlife I know he forgives you.
2007-02-15 15:22:08 · answer #8 · answered by vampire_kitti 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋