Replaying disturbing situation from 9 years ago?

Question

Without going into much detail. A situation happened to me 9 years ago when I was 17 years old. I was touched intimately against my will by a 32 year old man. I went to counceling for it once but never went back when the counceler told me "Is that all??" when I told her everything that happened. I have been in tears all night because I keep replaying the situation in my head. It has caused me many sleepless nights. Sometimes I wonder if it really isn't a big deal because he didn't rape me (there was no penetration) but the other times I feel that I am entitled to feel this way because I have the feelings of disgust, anger, sadness.

How can I get over this?

I realize I"m lucky I was never raped, but I'm not going to dismiss my feelings as invalid because I wasn't "penetrated"

My life is completely different now. I am married to a wonderfull man and I have 2 great children!

Answer 1

II definitely agree that you should continue counseling, try going to a figure like a minister or doctor you trust to get a good reference. I had a similar situation happen to me, and believe what I am saying to you right now - you are doing absolutely NOTHING wrong by feeling this is a big deal. Yes, this type of thing may happen to a lot of people every day; and yes, you are extremely fortunate that there was nothing past touching and no penetration...but that does not make your feelings or pain any less important then those out there who have been raped.

One of the main reasons that people get away with this type of stuff is because the victims think that it is not a big deal, but that only succeeds in letting the offender continue what they do and hurting others. I am not saying that you need to report the person, not right away at least, but for now just concentrate on helping yourself first. That task alone can be overwhelming.

Just the simple act of you putting this question out there for the world to see will most likely change the way that others view this kind of situation, and that bring out a good result from a horrible experience - which is great! The best way for you to help yourself get over it is to let yourself heal, and keeping the emotions inside will not help that process. You need to talk to someone, especially those who have been through the same thing you have.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

you dont need to forget it and noone here has the right to say you were "lucky" ive heard people say to rape victims that they are "lucky they are alive" yeah, real fu&*ing lucky. Those types of people make comments they should not be making. as for that therapist, they probably dont know crap about real life. Your feelings are valid and you were wronged. You know that and most people in the world would agree. You aren't the wrong person in this situation. The attacker is and from your words, i think you know this. Do not pay attention to the negative people(easier said than done, i know) but honestly, there are millions of people out there that are just.....clueless...to real life. You were wronged but do NOT be disguisted. Life is a crazy thing, and bad things happen, but you are allowed to go on and be happy, no matter what some creep did. It's your life and you should try and live it. Dont forget about what happened, maybe you can volunteer somewhere and be the comfort for some young girls who have experienced this. That would be great...just think, if you had someone like yourself to talk to when you were 17...that may help you sleep better at night...good luck sweetie ;0)

Answer 3

first, enable me say how sorry i'm which you have been dealt with in a single of those terrible way. I commend you for surviving.... that's springing up now for various reasons. you would be able to now have the capability to handle the subject.... you will possibly have stepped forward a realtionship that reminds you of those terrible activities, or different issues i haven't considered. in spite of the reason, you will desire to locate somebody to whom you could communicate the previous activities. i might recommend a therapist, yet close chum, pastor, or somebody else will help. you have shown how difficult you're!!! be conscious of that your indicators are widely used, which you're widely used, and which you will do nicely at last!! good luck!

Answer 4

probably the only way you can get over this is by changing the bitterness that you carry into forgivness. Forgiving the guy with as positive attitude.. i know you probably never see him again but just the thought of mentally doing that... sorry if this doesn't rewally help but its the most i have to offer

Answer 5

I think you really need someone who you can talk to and tell everything, and most inportantly, the person should understand you and how you feel and connect with you. Maybe someone like your mom, sister or best friend (though i dont know whether they would keep their mouths shut). I personally dont think counselors have any compassion or uderstanding (I havent been to one though). I just think they've heard too many people's problems that they dont really care about their patients.. etc i think you need someone who knows and understands you. and who will listen and help you get through these emotions. One thing keep in mind though, about 90% of the world's population has been touched against their will when they were kids. and this includes boys. I have been touched and taken advantage of as a kid. though not too intimately. I used to feel really bad about it and thought i was the only one who went thru something this bad. But i used to talk to my friends about it, and it was then that i found out that almost all of them had similar experiences as a kid. again, including the boys. So dont think you're alone. we're all in more or less the same boat. some people are in worse situations - like you said you weren't raped. you didnt lose your virginity. But i do know it feels really disgusting and is really difficult to forget. I know. I dont know what else to tell you but try to find someone who understands you. maybe you just need to get it out to someone who understand you. By the way, I think when the councellor said "is that all?" I think she just meant to ask you do you have anything more to say? or did something else happen or so.. coz, say there was someone who was raped, and she goes for counceling, she may not tell everything at one go. she would probably just say i was touch by someone against my will etc. some people may not be able to tell all at one go, so i think it was just the councelor's way of coaxing you to tell everything. or to open up. maybe she just wanted to make sure she knew the right situation so that she could do or tell you the right things to help you heal. Don't take it the wrong way. Coz it looks like that has affected you a lot too. I dont think she was saying it as if what you said was not a big deal. So cheer up, get this out of your system, have fun, and enjoy life. Do things that interest you - like painting, dancing, etc. Also, sometimes, if you dont manage to find someone who listens to you, it really helps to write down your thoughts in a book/diary. It would be like talking to yourself i.e. there will be two sides of you - one would be telling all her worries and emotions, and the other would be listening and understanding and calming the other one and helping her regain her strength and help heal. After all, who would understand you better than yourself. But make sure you destroy the diary afterwards. You dont want anyone reading your intimate thoughts. Dont let one incident in your past mess up your whole life. These are the years that you will have the most fun in your life. Dont mess it up. And blaming it on your past is just an excuse that we use. Agreed that it is a really bad thing to happen to someone, but your life is the way you want it to be. You control it. Dont give that sleazy guy in your past the pleasure of having messed up your whole life! You can always email me if you need any more help or would like to talk.
PS: I'm 27. (if it makes any difference.) and have gone through really bad incidents in life. Incidents that, believe me, I could dwel on and spoil my life. But I know bad things are a part of life. everyone's life. Life goes on despite that. we need to be strong, else it's gonna be really difficult to get through life. Hope I've helped in some way. Wish you well.

Answer 6

read some real rape stories on line and realize how lucky you are, then realize that you are using this little episode as an excuse to not do anything with your life and change that.

Answer 7

Talk to your best friend.Or talk to someone you really trust or you could go to an online couseling group that is interactive.

Answer 8

dam that is a tough ques. but me I would beat his @$$ for that.

Answer 9

find another counselor.