My boyfriend and his ex-wife have joint custody but he is the primary custodian. They live with us Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and every first weekend of the month. She has threatened to pick them up on Monday after school for his being late dropping them off to her today. What should he do to make her quit this kind of thing?
2007-02-15 14:40:14 · 20 answers · asked by Joni 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The real problem is that they had a meeting time agreement that was 5pm. She quit working and informed him that she would be picking up the kids from school. There was an agreement for it last year but she decided to quit her job again so she could take his parenting time again. She was mad because the kids didn't have school the past 2 days and he actually got to spend quality time with them instead of transporting them to and from school. She asked for him to meet her early to pick them up. He told her that since they weren't at school, he would be meeting her at the time he agreed to meet her before she took his time by picking them up from school without his agreement
2007-02-15 15:54:11 · update #1
Has she only threatened or has she actually done this? If she's only threatened, then there may not be much you can do yet. Either way, your boyfriend needs to have a talk with his ex-wife. If that doesn't work and/or it's a major concern, then he needs to talk to his lawyer and get advice. Jumping straight to a restraining order may not be the best thing, and you may not have grounds for it if she actually hasn't done anything yet. The best thing is to get advice from the lawyer. They'll be able to tell you the next step he needs to take.
As for what he should do to make her quit this kind of thing...unfortunately, you can't change people. If she is like this alot, then it's just best to go the legal route and keep things controlled that way.
As for your role in this, unfortunately, you are just the girlfriend, and legally have absolutely no say in this. There is nothing that you can do, other than encourage your boyfriend. It's completely up to him on how he wants to handle this.
2007-02-15 14:51:39 · answer #1 · answered by taima_adara 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, if they have joint custody, she has every right to pick up the kids from school, unless there is a court order stating otherwise. The only thing you can do is resolve the issue by communicating that threats are not going to make the kid's lives happier. the common goal should be raising the kids in a decent atmosphere. she is probably just pissed that he drepped them off late, and trying to get back at him, which is just a symptom of their past problems. Tell him just to try to be on time ;)
2007-02-15 14:46:07 · answer #2 · answered by Jenny M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the custody order says that you have them on those days, then instruct the school not to allow anyone except your boyfriend to pick up the kids on those days.
Try hard to follow what has been ordered by the court to keep peace and protect the children from any grief and bitterness between their parents. Just do your part and dust off the rest.
2007-02-15 14:48:45 · answer #3 · answered by Patch 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contact the courts and report her for violating the custody agreement if she goes through with her threat.
They specifically tell you in divorce court that just because one side falls through on their obligations, it does not give the right to the other party to back out on their obligations. For example, if pareht B doesn't pay child support to parent A, parent A can not deny parent B visitation rights until the monies are paid.
2007-02-15 14:44:33 · answer #4 · answered by Raising6Ducklings! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If there is a court order mandating the particular pick up/drop off times and by whom, the school should have a copy and be advised. If there is no court mandate, then you need to go back to court and get one. Handle it all through attorneys and the court. Trying to do it through her will only exacerbate the situation. Good luck; these cases are never easy.
2007-02-15 14:45:48 · answer #5 · answered by stseukn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should drop them off on time to their mother first of all. You get mad at her threats but have either of you wondered how it makes her feel getting her kids late? Both parents need to set some ground rules and work this out.
2007-02-15 15:35:09 · answer #6 · answered by LuvMyGirls 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If need be the school office might have to have a court order of which parent picks up the kids which days.
Please don't put innocent kids in the middle of this crap
2007-02-15 15:07:48 · answer #7 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No they are both parents of the kids. If they have joint custody they both have legal right to pick up the kids and it then becomes an issue between him and her not you.
2007-02-15 15:22:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Inform her that she can't, and will go to prison for kidnapping. It apparently says in the papers that he is primary custodian and what days you have them, so she absolutely under any cercumstances cannot pick that child up unless the child is in immediate danger that she can prove. By immediate danger I mean: Drugs, beatings, starvation e.t.c. Trust me, I know my laws.
2007-02-15 14:54:22 · answer #9 · answered by nshappe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has been granted custody by the courts it is illegal for her to pick them up from school on the days he has them, and could count as kidnapping. He should advise the school of the arrangement and tell them that if she tries to pick them up from school on his days then they should call him or the police (unless there are prior arrangements).
2007-02-15 14:48:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋