What do you think of this piece of writing by me?

Question

I'm supposed to write about the morning without using the words sun or morning.
The half day of the moon and stars had ended. Ol' Blazey just arrived in the east. His great light transformed the dew drops into rhinestones. People with long work days could be seen walking their dogs on the sidewalk. Life woke up. Everyone started to awake. If fish had eyelids, they'd open them. Even the flowers opened their petals like eyes. The smell of coffee filled the air. People flicked the sand out of their eyes. Everybody was a zombie until nine o' clock. And the Sandman waited for night to come again.
@->-->-

Answer 1

Sounds good.

Answer 2

try this, a gift from me to you, D. G. Allen (author) in between books right now, use it if it helps good luck....

The early dew streaked across the patio window like a rabbit darting capture from a hungry fox. The light of day came over the horizon slowly bombarding the glass with waves of energy that passed Through the transparency warming the room like an invisible geyser gushing over my skin as I enjoyed my first sip of coffee. From my vantage point upon the top of hill in the small town which I lived I treasured the start of each day as the rituals of human beings began another twenty four hour cycle in earnest. The flowers that awoke from the slumber of a cool dark night by spreading their pedals with a slow yawn as they greeted the start of a new day. The people, oh the people, how they busied themselves with trivial tasks important only to their mundane lives. Walking the dog, disposing of the rubbish, mowing their lawns. What a waste. A shame that they can't do as I by savoring the birth of a new day with a reverence that will only be exceed by tomorrow.

Answer 3

its not bad but not great say it aloud see if it sounds good, still needs more work, and you dont need to explain it to people like If fish had eyelids, they'd open them. just put fish with eyelids opening to the early brightness, people will understand

Answer 4

the fish whith eyelids kind of ruined it, as well as Ol' Blazey, other wise it's good.

Answer 5

it was good until it got to the part about the sand in their eyes and the zombie. the rest was really like poetic and great, but then it ruined it. i would fix that with something else. but the rest its really good.

Answer 6

ol' blazey?
Is this supposed to be funny?

Answer 7

Fish don't have eye lids??? oh my .. man.. I'm flabbergasted..

Answer 8

I think this piece of writing that you wrote is excellent......

Answer 9

i didnt read it because it is long but umm it is probably good

Answer 10

i give it a b.