Ok...So..I have to write a proposal for my homework but I'm not sure if this is a well written thesis statement. Is it a run on? [[haha i think it might be xD ] and if so, what can i do to improve it? [suggestion would be nice] thnx ahead of time!
Jackie Robinson’s tremendous contribution of breaking the color barrier was of a great deal and accomplishment as he did not only stand up to the threats , hate mail and taunting of people, but he also began to establish the idea that segregation was of great wrong doing and that African Americans were just as great as white people, marking him as one of the greatest key figures in gaining equality amongst races in American athletics.
2007-02-15 14:33:27 · 5 answers · asked by _~^*^~_ Ninja Fighter_~^*^~_ 4 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
Jackie Robinson’s tremendous contribution of breaking the color barrier was a great accomplishment. He not only stood up to the threats, hate mail, and taunting of people, but he also began to establish the idea that segregation was wrong. He let the world know that African Americans were just as great as white people, marking him one of the greatest key figures in gaining equality amongst races in American athletics.
2007-02-15 14:44:59 · answer #1 · answered by Sweet n Sour 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Jackie Robinson’s tremendous contribution of breaking the color barrier was a great accomplishment. He not only stood up to the threats , hate mail and taunting of people, but he also began to establish the idea that segregation was a great wrong. He also proved that African Americans were a great people. This marked him as one of the greatest key figures in gaining equality amongst races in American athletics.
2007-02-15 22:44:23 · answer #2 · answered by Old guy 124 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that is a run-on sentence. And so is the one above. Here is my suggestion:
Jackie Robinson's tremendous contribution of breaking the color barrier was of a great deal and accomplishment. He not only stood up to threats, hate mail, and taunting of people; but he also began to establish the idea that segregation was of great wrong doing. He showed that African Americans were just as great as white people, marking him as one of the greatest key figures in gaining equality amongst races in American athletics.
2007-02-15 22:39:14 · answer #3 · answered by young61021 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hmmmmm......it does run on.... How about:
Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier with his athletic ability. This accomplishment stretched the minds of many Americans regarding segregation. It started a movement toward higher conscientiousness among people of intellect to change the mind of America as a whole. His dedication, despite threats, hate mail and taunting, to a sport he loved, gained him respect and a place of honor as one of America's greatest ball players, irregardless of race. His contribution proved that skin color shoud not divide our country, but bring it together.
or something to this effect.....
2007-02-15 22:50:33 · answer #4 · answered by Patricia D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To the guy above me, thesis statements are only one sentence. At least, my English teacher told me that. It is a good sentence, and no, it doesn't seem like a runon to me.
but at the part, ",hate mail and taunting of people, but he"
take out the he, so it says "but also began".
I think it would sound better. Good luck!
2007-02-15 22:42:25 · answer #5 · answered by Katherine 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋