Should I be hurt because my boyfriend chose to spend Valentine's Day with his six year old daughter?

Question

I feel so bad for having hurt feelings over this. My boyfriend spent the weekend before Valentine's Day with me. He bought me a necklace and ring that weekend. He didn't mention anything about spending Valentine's Day with me. Since he lives about 50 miles from me I wasn't expecting that. On Valentine's Day I received a dozen roses. He later called me and told me that he decided to pick his 6 yr old daughter up and spend Valentine's Day with her. He said that Valentine's Day is special for her and he has always treated her like a princess on that day. He bought her a necklace, a stuffed bear, and a bouquet of flowers. I can understand this since he only sees her once a week, but my feelings were still hurt. This would have been our first Valentine's Day together. He told me he had planned to come see me, but she called and really wanted to see him. He told me that ever since he and his ex started having problems, he projected the love and attention he had had for her, onto his daughter

Answer 1

Don't be mad at him its been snowy all over the country he might have even tried but a dozen roses a ring and a necklace he likes you but he also has priorities beside you a six year old that's a heavy burden when he is alone ( you live 50 miles away hard to get a baby sitter for a day or two you should surprise him sounds like you got yourself a good man.)

Answer 2

He's working and taking care of you. THe bad thing is this is how life is sometimes. Sometimes we can't take off of work when we want. I have a job that i work every holiday including christmas, and its depressing. But if I don't show up, I probably would get canned for missing those days. Its hard. Tell him that if he is going to work tonight, then you want him to set up a special day for just the two of you to celebrate your own special valentines. It won't be as good as celebrating it tonight, but it will let you do the things that you wanted to do tonight. And still have special memories of this valentines. Don't let it depress you. Try and get out and hang out with friends or family till he gets home tonight. Maybe plan a special little treat for him. Don't feel too bad. My boyfriend doesn't think that valentines is that much important and he is a tightwad. So, I didn't get jack crap, and I know that when I get off work tonight there isn't going to be some romantic event planned other than being in bed by ten. Who knows he may surprise me, but I doubt it. But I know he loves me with all his heart and that's the best valentine's gift ever. And thats how you should look at it to. He loves you, and you have everyday of the year to show that you love eachother. Today is no different.

Answer 3

My boyfriend spent Valentine's Day with his 14 year old son and I spent it with my 7 year old daughter. We talked during the day, we love each other. We're okay with it.

I'm assuming that you do not have children. Please try to understand that by putting his daughter first, he's being a good dad. And a good dad is a GOOD MAN. A man like this is a rare treasure, believe me, I know.

And to answer your question, no, you shouldn't be hurt. It seems to me that he spent a great deal of time and effort on you right before the 14th. That should be good enough, in my opinion. As a stranger, it's clear to me how much he cares about you just based on what you wrote. It's irrelevant what he bought her, or what his ex does. He loves his daughter, and you, and showed you both the best that he could.

He gets an A in my book.

Answer 4

Wow, honestly, his only fault is projecting his love for his ex onto his daughter because that is a big issue he needs to handle. On the other hand, how many men do you know who will dedicate their time to their children in the way he has? I'm sure it is not many. As for you being hurt i can understand why as it would have been your first valentine but, do consider that he did his part for you a few days earlier. Also it is his daughter. You cant be hurt for that. Especially since he hardly sees his own child. I'm still surprised by the fact that he took the time just to treat his daughter in a special way. Also, remember, its just a holiday. He sees you more on all the regular days combined than he does on that one particular day so don't sweat it. Do however ask him to handle his stuff in regard to projecting his love for his ex onto his daughter or the relationship you and him have will not last.

Answer 5

Your allowed to miss him, but for him spending the day with is daughter, just take a breath.
It was a wonderful thing for him to do, Valentines is about Love, not just romance. And for a father to do something special for his daughter like that, especially if his daughter is unsettled due to Mum and Dads problems.
Its just a day, make the next day you spend together your very own special Valentines day, it sounds as if he put some thought into your gifts. Suprise him, go on! How more wonderful could it be, the two of you choosing your own Feb 14th. You his Girl Friend, after all you have the weekends, she only has her Dad one day a week.
Romance doesnt just have to be restricted to Valentines, I think it means more if a partner does something special on days other than that day, go on suprise him, romance him, love him and have fun doing it!!!

Answer 6

I can't believe this!!! You are an adult and she is a child!!!!

If you had a child, you would put your child before him. Most mothers do this instinctively. So why wouldn't a man do the same if he is a fit parent? How do you think you would feel if you were six and your father abandoned you on the only day you were to spend with him? A Court would have a field day with that one.

This obviously will be a continuing problem for you. Do everyone a favor and get out. You aren't ready for this.

Answer 7

If you do not have children of your own, you will not understand (emotionally) what your boyfriend is feeling for his daughter. YOU must understand this little girl is going to come FIRST, not you. If you have a problem with this, you may want to move on to someone who does not have children. If you don't have a problem with this-then consider yourself lucky that you have found yourself a man who actually puts his child first, not himself! His spending the day with his daughter was a very mature and ADULT thing to do, very fatherly! I give him a lot of credit. As long as the 2 of you are dating, there are always, for the rest of his life, be times when he has to cancel plans, or not celebrate holidays with you on thier actual dates----it's sacrifices that parents make. My BF & I have custody of six kids (4 his, 2 mine)...we constantly have to readjust or sacrifice our time, but it doesn't bother us, even if we only see each other for a total of 2 evenings per week----our children come first-to both of us...us adults take the back burner to everything else. Be appreciative that he did so much for you before hand and also sent you flowers the day of! That to me shows he cares, he was still thinking about you....and he has his priorities strait. But I honestly think you need to sit back and truly think about your relationship if this bothered you---you may not be ready for the long term affects of being put second.

Answer 8

I probably would feel the same as you simply because Valentine's Day is a couple's day. I could see if it was Father's Day but V-Day seems kind of strange. It seems your man is not balancing the being a father and having a girlfriend into his life too well. Tell your guy it's wonderful that he loves his child but he shouldn't forget about the only day of the year dedicated to couple's.

Answer 9

Grow up! A man who spends any day especially Valentines showering his daughter with attention is a wonderful man. One that needs to find a new girlfriend.

Answer 10

ok umm personally i think you are over reacting. that man could have just blown you off instead of like that weekend before, or the dozen roses. Having a boyfriend who spends a day out of a week with his 6 year old daughter well thats somthing to be proud of. i mean how do you think this guy would feel if he knew you didnt want him to spend it with a little child. my advice
cherish what you got, hes a good guy at heart