How to tell my hubby i???

Question

Okay i am 24 yrs old and have been married year and half.Before my husband i had severe relationship phobia. I have intimacy issues and emotional that i cant seem to fix them or control? I dont know how to or relate or understand my husband on many occasions.Sometimes i emotionally shut down or completley emotionally withdraw.For 5 yrs before i met my husband i dumped every bf before i became emotionally attached.I thought that by getting married these issues would go away?I am also afraid that he will think i am crazy and it will cause more fights between us.

He has no idea about my relationship history.

It started with my first bf senior year.He became my first everything from kiss to well you know and he was experienced so he pretty much could talk me into anything.He got me pregnant then left me came back and left me again i was extremley depressed trying hard to hide it.I lost the baby at 5 months and things got worse.I have had problems having relationships ever since.

Answer 1

take a chill pill`

Answer 2

Just be honest and sit down with your husband and tell him about your past . He has the right to know this as he is your husband now. It really is unfair to him if you dont tell him. Issues do not go away with marriage. It usually comes into it with you and will make a marriage worse if you dont work on what happened to you in the past. You need counseling and therapy for this as well and he may need it too to learn how to deal with all of this. You really should have told him all of this before marrying him. You need help for your emotional disorder and feelings as well.
http://www.drphil.com

Answer 3

Dear Athena:

By not telling your husband may very well be the reason that you are both arguing. Instead be honest with him and hold him to better or worst that is the only way you will be able to grow together and hopefully find the cause that creates what you are feeling. Some would describe this as luggage and others would look at it as being pro-active on your part.

PS. Remember only you can change how you are wanting to feel.

Best wishes,

Answer 4

Sounds like you may need some professional help. A lot of companies have a free service that allows employees to talk to counselors. If, however, you choose not to go that route. all I can say is sit down with him and be honest about your intimacy problems and you're relationship woes. My ex wife had a lot of issues and we worked thru time.(our divorce had nothing to do with her phobias and fears). If he is a great guy he will try and understand and work with your requests on patience and on talking thru it. I found out just holding her and saying nothing worked a lot. You have to decide if you trust him enough to bear with you on this and help you work it out. If not, then all I can say is you must get that professional help, or accept the fact that you will be just a brief encounter in all your lives relationships. Good luck.

Answer 5

Communication has to be a big part in your lives. You have to tell him how you feel. I know you might think that it might be embarrassing but maybe religious marriage counseling. You and your husband have a bond nobody can or should break. If you know you love him there is no reason why you should tell him how you feel. He might feel the same way, you two could even pray about it. Let it in the Lord's hand and trust me everything will work from there,

Answer 6

Simple. Be completely honest with him. Explain that the problem is you and not him. Tell him plainly just like you did in your question that you have some issues that need profesisonal assistance. He will want to help, and it will reduce tension between you since he will atleast have a reason WHY you withdraw sometimes. Don't be ashamed to admit that u need help, and by all means GO GET HELP.

Answer 7

Have you spoken to a good counselor? Therapy can help situations like this. And no, issues don't just magically vanish. They grow. And anythingthat isn't resolved before you have babies gets even bigger. Find someone good to talk to. Shop around and see if there are support groups for women llike you. Lots of different issues have support groups.

Answer 8

Maybe you could talk to a therapist first. Then the therapist could help you find a way to tell your husband. It is important that you understand each other and there is nothing wrong with getting some help to do that.

Answer 9

he your husband you should talk to him.. like at dinner at home or just start about your past little to him.. or sit him down and tell i need to talk you.. and you know when you talk about your past emotional will come.. but your husband should know.. he should understand it was your past.. and after you talk to him he maybe need chill little or think about what happen.. or he will be there for you and it new begin of your life together with him... And you pick him because you love him and he love you.. Do you think he your soulmate? or guy who been there when you were down and when you are upset and show a lot of effection to you... You should not think it would be fight.. you do not know until you do it...be strong.. and tell him...

Answer 10

i would suggest seeing a consular and discuss your problem, and in the meantime, have some heart to heart to discussion with your husband and really talk through these issues in careful honest detail. It might provide some clues why you are having trouble relating.

Answer 11

seriously, you NEED to get to the root of your emotion problem and unstablility....go get some counseling. there should be free help at your local womens resource center. had a friend with same problem..you DO NOT WANT to be unhappy for the rest of your life.....
please do this....for your sake and your husband and your future....good luck. it is a tough situation....