What do you think of married people having thier vacations separate?

Question

This week my husband went skiing with the guys from his work for 4 days. Before that he went hunting with his dad and brother for a week, fishing for 9 days, and a 2 week work trip. I am lonely. I stay home with my 16-month old but lately I am thinking that I am tired of his crap. The last big arguement we had about the subject ended with him saying that he will continue to have those trips. Am I stupid for being so pissy about this?

No, he has gone on about 5 trips since the fall. The shortest was 4 days, the longest was 9. We have not gone anywhere with each other. I am miserable.

Answer 1

You are not wrong is your point of view but you are stupid if you let any person treat you like this.

Your situation is the oldest woman trap in the book: You stay home and raise the children while the man is free to do as he pleases. While there is nothing wrong with separate vacation from time to time but if all time away if spent apart you then have a problem. You husband is being a male bully and taking advantage of you his wife even if you are a stay at home mom. When you both decided to have a family I am sure you did say only you would be enslave by parenthood? Your husband is trying to live his old life at your expense.

There is nothing wrong with him taking trips occasional with just the boys. Business trips are business trips but I know you are unhappy about the amount of time his is gone in total. But of course there must be family vacation trips as well. If you are telling him you are feeling neglected while he tells you nothing will change you have a real respect issue in your marriage. He also telling you there is no shared powered in the union. The message he giving you: shut up woman I will do what I want that is that. That is not a relationship it is a dictatorship and this will kill all the intimacy and eventually the marriage.

My only suggestion to you is continual communication. Keep letting him know how you feel while questioning him about the importance his family in his life. Ask if he still loves you? Ask what your love mean to him? Let him know you respect yourself enough not to be treated in this manner. Ask him does his action resonate love and respect for his wife and family? Never directly threaten the marriage. Just put in his mind you are dissatisfied with his actions and lack of commitment to the family. Also ask him what can you do to help improve the situation. You have to be ready to hear and acknowledge his point of view while making sure you are heard as will. I have to tell women this but hear it is: be willing to put your relationship on the line to have things change. A great many men will not change because they believe their wife will not pick up and leave so they strong-arm women in to submission.

You have to be calm and strong through this. You don't want to come off as the emotionally charged unhappy wife this is being a witch because she is not getting what she wants. Be reasonable, tactful, and understanding but do hold your ground.

Answer 2

You're not being pissy about it because you're being taken advantage of and neglected.

I have to say he's taking too many trips to be comfortable with. Weekend trips are one thing, but... 4 days skiing, 9 days fishing, week long hunting and two weeks for work and you're at home with a 16 month old? It sounds to me like ever since the baby's been born, he's been finding one excuse after another not to be home, and he apparently doesn't plan on stopping. I'd say you have a very crucial decision to make. I'd be tired of that crap too.

Answer 3

Actually, I think you should encourage him to continue, but that you have two things that you would like. One small trip a year for just the two of you (have grandma & gramps babysit) and at least one or two trips of your own, in which you get to go off somewhere with the girls....your husband can watch his own child, turnabout is fair play. Don't whine, yell, or tell him with attitude. Tell him that you've given it a lot of thought, and that you really regret making a big fuss about it earlier, because the answer and compromise was right in front of you the whole time. AND, before he has a chance to say a word, show him the reservations you've made with two of your girlfriends to go on your trip. Be sure and point out how you've been really careful to stick to the same budget he used for either his hunting or fishing trip. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Vegas or Disneyland there is no difference, I only take vacations with my spouse. Period If you and the girls want to have a hang out night that is one thing. But to take a vacation away from your spouse, what good would that do for your relationship? I do not see how it could benefit your marriage in any way. We have been married for 13 years and the longest we have been separate is 3 nights due to a funeral in Anguilla I had to attend, and my husband could not come because he had to work. I can count on one hand the total days we have been apart. Those were the longest nights I can remember. I know a couple who the wife left for England to spend some time there with family for a period of time and a few months later the husband was being called on for child support (He had a fling with the next door neighbour while she was away on her happy extended vacation). Girl do not do it.

Answer 5

Yes and no. I think separate trips are fine, but your hubby is taking it a little too far. You need to have time together and apart. You really need to plan your own trip with family or friends and stop stying home with baby every day. Take advantage of a Mother's Day Out program at a local church, or find friends with kids about the same age as yours. You need to get your own life, and hubby needs to stay home more!

Answer 6

It sounds like he's being selfish and taking you for granted. Will he watch your 16 month old while you take trips with your mom and friends for 20 days? What he's doing isn't fair.

The work trip I understand if its for work but the other trips were justt for fun. Was he gone for 20 days straight or did he take them at different times? Either way it doesn't seem right unless he's willing to do the same for you.

Answer 7

You should tell him you want to go on vacation with him...better yet, before you do that you should plan a trip with your girl-friends, then go and leave him with the baby for 5 days...then when you return let him know there are to be no more separate leisure vacations (the exception should be work related trips, that can't be helped).

Answer 8

No you're not stupid. He is using you as a babysitter for his child and as a house maid. You deserve the same amount of breaks as he does and it's not fair on you to be left behind always while he's off playing with his daddy or whomever. Put your foot down and make it clear you're not taking his crap anymore. Book a holiday for yourself somewhere you've always wanted to go and if he doesn't want to go with you then leave the baby with him for 2 weeks to show him what it's like to be abandoned. If that doesn't work then divorce his *** and have some chance of a decent life. We only get one shot at this so make the most of it! Just so I don't advise you to make a terrible mistake! Disregard everything I just said if you're living in Iran!!!!

Answer 9

This is not right. He has no consideration for you by doing this. If it were me I would get a group of girlfriends together and make reservations for a Vegas trip. Tell you husband after it is booked and say bye bye. Maybe after he spends a couple of days alone with the baby he will realize how selfish he has been. If not, tell him to shape up or ship out.

Answer 10

I'd be upset too, but my husband wouldn't do that to me. He needs to grow up and realize that he is no longer single. He has a wife and child and they should be priority above his selfishness. Yes, he may want to spend some time with friends and family, but not if it leaves you alone with the child all the time. If he won't listen, maybe you should leave him with the child and take a vacation on your own. He would appreciate you more if he had any idea of how much you do. Good luck.