Okay i am 24 yrs old and have been married year and half.Before my husband i had severe relationship phobia it started with my first bf senior year.He became my first everything from kiss to well you know and he was experienced so he pretty much could talk me into anything.He got me pregnant then left me came back and left me again i was extremley depressed trying hard to hide it.I lost the baby at 5 months and things got worse.When i started college i through myself into school started making new friends and put that behind me so i thought.Virtually every relationship i had after with a bf's i ended before i got close .After about 5 yrs of this i made the decision to stop doing this because it was unhealthy and started seeing my husband.He made me feel really safe and he was also a good friend.After a year of dating i felt i was in love enough and we got married.Problem is i have intimacy issues and emotional that i cant seem to fix them or control?
2007-02-15 10:59:15 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
They started to get worse when my hubby brought up baby talk?I thought that by getting married these issues would go away?I have problems relating to my husband emotionally?
2007-02-15 11:01:35 · update #1
Its causing fight and no my hubby has no idea about my past.
2007-02-15 11:04:09 · update #2
Your past is very relevant and if it hasnt been addressed then it will always cause a problem within your marriage. If your husband loves you, then nothing in your past should make him love you any less. A good solid relationship is based on honesty and you havent been honest with your husband. Sure, a persons past should not matter in a new relationship, but if the problems of the past are affecting the new relationship, then those problems need to be addressed. Your husband is probably feeling very confused because he doesnt know what is bothering you. You need his support to deal with the ghosts of your past, and if he loves you, he will only be too happy to walk with you to sort these problems out. As a matter of fact, I reckon, if you were honest and told him why you are feeling this way, he would probably be relieved because I can practically guarantee he would be thinking all sorts of things. If you love him and trust him, then tell him the truth...get it out in the open, and go from there. A problem shared is a problem halved...have a bit more faith in your husband....allow him all the truth and he will know what to do with it. You need his support...you cant do it alone. You have big issues that need to be dealt with once and for all. Pushing it aside all the time will not help...confront your fears, confront your insecurities, get some help in the form of counselling, but most important....include your husband in what you are going through, he will respect you all the more for it. Just be honest and let your husband decide how he is going to deal with it. Dont make decisions based on what you think will happen...dont make his choices for him....allow him to decide how he is going to handle the information....Maybe he may just love you enough to hold you in his arms and thank you for including him in your life.
2007-02-15 11:32:09 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage was not a mistake. You have serious emotional issues you need to deal with. You should seek counseling and also talk to your husband.
Having problems is not a reason to give up.
Good luck.
2007-02-15 11:14:18 · answer #2 · answered by answergirl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you went through a lot emotionally. You lost a baby and the first boyfriend that you really loved. I'm sure your scared and with good right. Your husband aware of your past to know what you went through? You might want to seek counseling for yourself to work out your old problems to go ahead with your new life. Sounds like your husband is a good man. I don't think it is your marriage, but they way you feel inside. Good luck and wish the best for you.
2007-02-15 11:06:20 · answer #3 · answered by flower 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you have some deep rooted issues. maybe a marriage counselor can help you resolve these along with your husband. good luck!
2007-02-15 11:03:42 · answer #4 · answered by T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need counseling and help to get past the pain of what has happened to you in your life before this marriage. You should also talk with your husband and explain to him about your past as well so that he can understand you and where you are coming from. Sounds to me like you still may be depressed and will need help for this as well. You may also want to seek medical help and attention for your depression. I also recommend that you and your husband go to marriage counseling as well. He needs to know about your past and why you feel the way that you do or he may never understand and you may lose him because you are hiding this from him. Your marriage was not a mistake at all . You chose to marry this guy so make the best of it and work on it to make it a better marriage. The mistake you are making is not being honest with your husband about your past and you are not getting help for it. These are the mistakes you are making and bringing into the marriage.
http://www.drphil.com
2007-02-15 11:13:26 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't say if your marriage was a mistake, but I can certainly relate to how your feeling. Seeing a counselor can really help you. I have went a few different times in my life. Once, it really helped me to get out of a really bad marriage. My counselor actually told me I need to leave him! I didn't think they did that. I got pre-marital counseling when I decided to re-marry. It was the best thing we could have done. We've been back for a few more sessions when things went through a rough period, but I have to say I'm the happiest I've ever been. He's a great guy, and I'm glad I didn't run when I really thought I need to. We were able to work through our differences. Now we have a really strong marriage.
I think if you leave him, and don't address your abandonment and emotional issues, you will find yourself in the same situation again and again. Different guy, same problem. You have to learn to love yourself before you can really love anyone else.
2007-02-15 11:07:09 · answer #6 · answered by mschvs_65 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
See a professional Counsellor, mental health services are free.
There is nothing wrong with admitting these problems.
2007-02-15 11:12:52 · answer #7 · answered by Emily L 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Now why is it that a whole lot of women post on these forums that the sexual "past" of a woman doesn't matter?
Here is exactly why the "past" DOES matter.
I hope you overcome this obstacle lady. Honestly, I feel sorry for you and your husband that your past is affecting you so much.
Good luck.
2007-02-15 11:19:58 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a selfish little girl that has sex with boys.
No wonder your life is a mess.
Don't date for two years.
Learn the differance between a man a boy.
Don't do boys find a man get married to and then bang the daylights out of him. Your life be much better.
2007-02-15 11:18:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
You need therapy badly. Talk to your Dr. Otherwise you will have an unhappy life.
2007-02-15 11:04:44 · answer #10 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To hell with the past and forgive yourself stop thinking its your fault Begin a new life.
I believe there's allot more to the story then your telling .The past is the past you cant change it but you can controle the future.
2007-02-15 11:26:03 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋