How to be content when you make a decision?

Question

How do you know if you are in a healthy relationship? When things went or go wrong and got better does it mean for you to stay? How do you deal with knowing there is someone else waiting that could be just the right person to really make you happy? Is the formula married+troubles/temptation=stay married?

Answer 1

It depends on so many things. Did your spouse find out about the other person and then things got better?....if it has gotten better...how long has it lasted? The word marriages seems to disassociate the fact that there are two sensible, intelligent beings in the union. Two becomes one is silly....thats where the problems start I believe...this two becomes one nonsense seems to suggest ownership. Do you hang on to a mediocre marriage based on what is expected of you as a spouse, or do you make a break at a chance to be excrutiatingly happy for the rest of your life? I guess it depends on whether you are prepared to take a risk, or whether you want to hang onto when you signed that dotted line.

You have to decide where you want to be....do you love your spouse? Do you love this other person?.....only you can decide that. If you love this other person, but are staying in the marriage out of responsibility and maybe just a little bit of guilt, but are pining for someone else....then you are being dishonest to yourself and dishonest to your spouse. You have to decide what it is that you really want. But you need to decide with an honest heart....dont stay in the marriage, but hold a torch for this other person because it will get worse and your longing for this other person will eventually make both you and your spouse miserable. If you stay in your marriage, you have to be prepared to let the other person go...emotionally, and physically and you have to work on your marriage to make it as happy as you want it to be. You have to get the thought of the other person out of your mind and concentrate on loving your spouse......can you do that? Maybe you need counselling to put a fresh perspective on it all. Whatever it is that you want to do, you have to decide it clearly in your mind. Maybe you, yourself need to go and speak to a counsellor to sort out your confusion. The hardest part for anyone is making up their minds whether they are staying or leaving. Once you do that, you alleviate all your confusion and you can surge ahead with clear, cut and concise plans. Whilever you are confused, you will never do anything and you mind will get even more confused with time. Get some help to work out what it is and where you want to be. When a person thinks from an emotional level only, then logic seems to go out the door. If you can clear your mind of emotional responses, eg...I would hurt/him her if I left...or, I married him/her for better or for worse...or, he/she would not be able to cope if I left, then you are thinking totally from an emotional viewpoint. You should be asking yourself if you and your spouse are compatible, have you drifted apart? You also have to know that it is very common that people do drift apart...that is the logical part of your mind speaking, but whilever you hang onto the emotional, nothing will become clear in your mind.

I hope your mind becomes a bit clearer so it will tell you what it is you want to do. My best suggestion is go to a counsellor who can help sort this out with you. Maybe you need an unbiased persons opinion....but find a good counsellor. A lot of people will go to a bad counsellor and think all counsellors are the same.....shop around, you will eventually find one who will help you to get your head clear.

I wish you the best.

Answer 2

There is no formula for a happy marriage, I've been married 27 years and I have always Loved my husband but I haven't always liked him and I never disliked him enough to leave so I stuck around when things got bad and I don't regret it.