Help me make my introduction paragraph better?

Question

Any suggestions on things to add, editing, or rephrasing sentences would be appreciated.

Heart rate provides information for basic physical fitness and can be an early warning sign for heart disease. Your heart rate determines how fast your heart is beating. Blood pressure is another way of determining ones physical health especially cardiovascular health. Maintaining normal blood pressure allows for a more healthier heart. Body composition is yet another way of determining ones overall health. Measuring body composition is measuring the percentage of body fat throughout the body. To much body fat can predispose one to many chronic and debilitating diseases, many of which can affect the heart. It’s important to maintain your heart as you can not live without a heart and transplants can be done but hearts aren’t something you just pick up at a convenience store.

Answer 1

You can't live without your heart, and a transplant is not something you can just pick up at a convenience store. So, it's very important to keep your heart healthy. There are some basic tried and true ways to help you do this. First, simple tests can tell you if you are in a normal range for resting and active heart rates, if your blood pressure is normal and if you are dangerously fat. High blood pressure, and excessive body fat content (measured as a percentage of overall body composition) can affect the heart adversely, leading to chronic and debilitating diseases. A high heart rate can be an early warning sign of cardiovascular disease.

Answer 2

Some tips. What are you trying to say. In summary I would say you are trying to write about heart health. So your first sentence and first paragraph should tell the reader what you are discussing to make them interested and to get them to want to read more. Here is a suggestion, Heart health can be determined by several common indicators. Some of these are heart rate, blood pressure and good and bad cholesterol levels. Good luck on the rest. You sound like you are a pretty smart individual and you will do well in this if you put your mind to it.

Answer 3

You have some grammar mistakes, but other than that it seems fine :) It sounds very fun and interesting. MAybe in your essay you should also tell them about warning signs of heart disease or of other illnesses, but then again it is your essay. ;)

Answer 4

I think it's good except for 2 mistakes. "To much body fat can..." It's supposed to be "Too." Also, cannot is one word. Other than that, great job!

Answer 5

Looks perfect to me just spell check. Good job though