Have any of you been in a marriage with someone who already made you feel bad about yourself, but then when it came to sex, it felt like that's all it was : sex? You never felt like they were making love to you, that it had nothing to do with their love for you?
I'm just curious, I just left my emotionally abusive husband, and I only slept with him once in the past three months because of how he treated me. But it always seemed that sex was nothing special for me, it was just about him getting what he wanted from me? Any personal experience with this?
2007-02-15 09:53:42 · 10 answers · asked by .*AnNa*. 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i understand..my ex was both emotional and financially abusive...and sex was all about HIM..he got his rocks off and that was that. but we live and we learn..we will see the red flags sooner then later if it starts happening again with someone else.."what doesn't kill us makes us stronger".
2007-02-15 09:59:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is when a relationship has deteriorated to the point where it seems that the only thing that is keeping the relationship together is sex, it is inevitable that soon to follow will be the bad sex story. I am will to bet $100 bucks to your $1 buck that if you get some counsel involved that it will boil down to communication. I realize that sometime communication can't save a relationship that is destined to be doomed but if you really want it to work and your mate want it to work then you 2 have to go back to what brought you 2 together and focus on those things. I am sure when that happens you will find that you are spending more quality time together and the sex will become more and more exciting because of the intimacy between you 2. Just open up and communicate. Now if he is not wanting to participate then that is a different story, you will not get a response by kicking a dead horse so make sure it's a 2 way street. I hope that this helps. Good luck.
2007-02-15 18:19:01 · answer #2 · answered by A Dub 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow...there's a lot of bitterness here.
I'll offer some advice from one of the good guys out there.
The part where you say "sex was nothing special for me"....
That's a key statement. It should have been very special for you, and until you find someone who understands you, and makes it special for you, it won't be.
When you feel it's special, it is.
You've been through some rough stuff, and healing will take time and focused effort. I'll make you a promise though...
...once you meet someone wonderful for whom your feelings completely ecplise anything you ever felt for this ex of yours, these negative memories will pass. You'll forget all about it because what you'll have will be so much greater than what you've left behind.
Take this negative experience and learn from it. Learn what to look for in a future lover and don't be scared to walk away if you see the red flags. Become strong and independent enough not to worry about it. Grow to be exactly the kind of woman your dream partner would want to be with forever, and that's exactly what will happen.
There are good men out there, but my experience shows that they are looking for women who don't need a man, but rather want one to complement the great lives they're already leading. Don't be needy or dependent upon others, and you'll find a man like yourself who doesn't feel compelled to dominate you, but rather respect you as an equal and want to make you happy.
Best of luck to you. Be strong!
2007-02-15 18:12:18 · answer #3 · answered by wrdsmth495 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It happens all the time, Dear. The thing is, you have to step up to the plate and DEMAND respect, or whatever else you want and need or you will never get it. You have to decide what YOU want and if he can't supply it, then gracefully bow out of the deal, and find someone that will treat you like the beautiful, warm, loving, woman you are! Why? Because you deserve it, and you know it. But as long as YOU don't ACT like you deserve it, he will keep doing what he's been doing. Let him end up with someone just like him.
2007-02-15 18:01:44 · answer #4 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
LOL sex is sex and love is love I cant figure out why so many people think its one and the same .Do you really think the prostitute standing on the corner love all those guys and do you really think the guys picking them up love them ?
Your husband doesn't love you your just a sex toy to him . If he did love you he would treat you like a lady that you are and not like a whore
2007-02-15 18:06:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
marriage is not only about sex,it involves love understanding each other's needs and your spouse should be a friend as well.men in general are clueless sometimes.the thing is the day you married many things changed,in his mind you belong to him and vice versa he doesn't have to prove to you that he loves you.if you are dissatisfied with the lovemaking, and everything else then you should talk to him,tell him how you feel,if you still want to be with him and you want this marriage to work.otherwise its best to just get out of it.life is too short to not find happiness.we all deserve to be happy.
2007-02-15 18:24:24 · answer #6 · answered by spunky 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Anna, great sex is more than just the physical act - you also need to be connected on an emotional level as well. Therefore, I can see your point of view.
2007-02-15 17:57:29 · answer #7 · answered by Da Tiebreaker 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, I havent experienced it personally, but have known a lot of women who have. It takes a lot of guts to get out of an abusive relationship simply because the abuser has knocked your self esteem around something horrid and you are left with none....so getting out is very hard and I applaud you for caring about yourself enough to get out. A person who emotionally, physically, sexually abuses someone doesnt know how to love. The one theme will all kinds of abuse is the need to control. Please dont mistake what your husband did to you as love. Abusers will turn it all around and have you believing that you deserved it.
I am worried though because you are still having contact with this man, and I can understand why because he would be telling you all sorts of things to make you feel guilty....it is a common thing with abusers. You need to cut contact with this man totally....you have to find your self esteem again. He may be saying to you that he loves you and he will change, but believe me, it is the rare man indeed who changes their abusive nature. Intense counselling for this man needs to take place to get his issues sorted out before you will see any changes. He was probably bought up in an atmosphere of abuse himself, so he knows no other way to behave...but thats not your problem...thats his. You have one very big problem....How do you get your self esteem back again? First and foremost you have to be strong and get him out of your life totally. You have been weakened from his contant emotional attacks and you need some help to get you through this really tough time. With help, maybe counselling, you will find your self esteem again. You will become strong, but it is going to take some work to undo the damage that this man has caused you. Whilever you are in contact with him, you are running the risk of never finding your self esteem again. I cant stress enough how important it is for your own sanity, peace of mind and self esteem to get rid of him out of your life....Only then will you trully be on the road to recovery.
Be strong, seek out some help...talk to the ladies in a domestic violence refuge...they have the strength to see you through this...get as much help as you need to get this abuser out of your life. You can do it, you cared about yourself to leave, care about yourself enough to make it permanent.
2007-02-15 18:09:10 · answer #8 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's just how many men are. Sex is all they think about. They lie like the devil to get it. They behave perfectly 10-30 minutes just before they want to get laid, then they return to @sshole mode as soon as they pop one off. I hate men like that, and most are this way. To hell with 'm!
2007-02-15 18:01:20 · answer #9 · answered by Nobody Special 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
there is 'sex' and there is 'making love'- two different things...
2007-02-15 18:02:57 · answer #10 · answered by de novOmega 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋