My husband and I usually get along fairly well until recently when his ex-wife now allows my husband to spend as much time as he wants with her son (the kid was my husband's STEP son) Now every week night and weekend he is with the kid She will call up last minute at night and ask him to watch the kid until she comes home (somewhere usually close to midnight). When it's not the kid, he's with his family, which I think is good, but his umbilical cord is attached so tightly that I can't convince him to move more centrally in the county we live in to be closer to both of our jobs! Then to top it off, Valentine's Day was a day I had been looking forward to and turned out to be one of the worst days ever. He got me flowers and all the mushy stuff. We get home and are there for 30 mins when there's a knock on the door and the landlord wants to come in to fix something that should been done weeks ago.....he lets them in and they stay for 1hr! Then he sits on the pc for 2hrs! Nite over.
2007-02-15 09:53:06 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
CindyLu, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Nothing could ever compare to that! My deepest condolences.
Nobody Special, a relationship is more than sex. If it was about sex that night I wouldn't be upset.
I am appreciative that he is caring for the kid, I know that if we have children one day he will be the same way. As for talking to him about it...until I'm blue in the face, and everything will be good for a week or two but then it's the same routine again. I've thought about talking to a pastor or family/marriage counselor who could made explain what I'm feeling better than I can explain it myself. The child, my husband, and I all used to do stuff together, until the child became very disrespectful towards me and things that concern me (this kid is 10 yrs old, old enough to know right from wrong). Hubby got mad when I stepped in but he wouldn't do anything if I hadn't have. This kid has failed 3rd grade 3x's! I mean seriously if you are a father figure where is the fatherin
2007-02-16 02:59:05 · update #1
Just because it's was a step-son doesn't mean he didn't have an attachment to him. Regardless, she sounds like she is using your husband as a babysitter, because letting him see the step-son has now become convenient for her to do things while your husband is with him. As far as the other things going on in your marriage, you should sit down and tell your husband how you feel. If he's clueless, he may not really know he's not spending enough time with you. It's OK for him to NOT see this child every time she calls. He needs to nurture his marriage with you. Talk to him rationally and without accusation, no you do this, you do that... or don't do this, as the case may be. Start sentences with... I would like... I feel we need...
Hope this helps. Good Luck!
2007-02-15 10:01:45 · answer #1 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it is wonderful that your husband has compassion,you should feel proud when you two have children, if your relationship lasts. From what you are telling us, it sounds like there is more than a Valentines Day disappointment going on. I think the two of you should talk, and also spend time with the young boy together. Why can't you all go to miniture golf,or throw the baseball around,it is no different than if this was his biological son,I think it shows your husband is caring and thoughful. I think you are expecting more romantic gestures/more closeness in your relationship,but by not talking about it, you are driving a wedge between the two of you,and possibly making the young boy feel guilty that it is him causing you two to fight. Fighting doesn't have to be verbal, alot of damage happens in silence.
2007-02-15 10:14:46 · answer #2 · answered by fisherwoman 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to have a talk with him. Most guys are clueless and you must show him the way.
Sounds like the ex is taking advantage of him. You need to set ground rules. He is respecting what the ex wants, then he is very capable of respecting what you want. (make sure you both benefit)
Very soon you need to set up a mini getaway. No pc's, no cell phones, just you two.
There are always going to be those stressful times in a marriage, but it is VERY important that you nib anything in the bud right away when something bothers you. Don't let it fester.
2007-02-15 10:02:54 · answer #3 · answered by Jennifer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand why you are upset but at least he got you flowers and you two get along. Be happy that he is there at the PC for 2 hrs. I would give anything to be ignored by my husband. He died last year and now all the little things that used to annoy me, I would give anything to have those things here to annoy me some more. Better a live husband sitting at the PC than only pictures and memories to soothe your broken heart.
2007-02-15 09:58:56 · answer #4 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-29 04:09:27 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk with him about it. While the child may be her son, he was his father-figure for some time and there is probably a bond there. Just sit down and discuss your feelings with him. Tell him you feel that, while spending time with family is important, that he is needed at home too.
2007-02-15 09:57:24 · answer #6 · answered by fly guy 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Confront him with your feelings.
Suggest lines should be drawn where the x is continuously intruding in.
Share your disappointment and talk with one another. Make plans on how to eliminate the negatives and how to improve on the positives in your life's.
2007-02-15 09:59:50 · answer #7 · answered by Samantha 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you seriously mad because you didn't get poked, or are you mad because he didn't cuddle with you? If you wanted sex, do it yourself. The rest of the story sounds like a typical dude to me. They are not affectionate creatures until they want to ***. Men are stupid.
2007-02-15 10:05:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of soliciting advise here, have you tried talking to your husband about how you're feeling? If he loves you, he will listen. But it also would not hurt to put yourself in his shoes. And remember, MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS!
2007-02-15 09:56:50 · answer #9 · answered by peersignal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aw, well he seems like an understanding person.
He'd understand if you ask him to pretend that say tomorrow night was Valentines Day?
2007-02-15 09:57:00 · answer #10 · answered by pertinential 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋