should i divorce him?

Question

i have been married 3 and half years. things arent going good. my husband doesnt have sex with me. due to the meds hes on and hes unhappy with his life. i have tried to be there for him but he treats me rudely and disrespectful. i have tried to be loving. its to the point where hes controling unsmthetic wiith me. uncaring. im sick with lupus and fibro and i cant handle the stress. it to the point i cant handle the stress. ive done all i could but he just wants to be miserable. i think its time for me to seperate or divorce him. im not trying to be selfish. hes not cheating that i know of. but for my own sanity i think i need to leave. he needs to learn to take care of himself with out me. hes way too dependent on me. he cant even do things for himself. he had a heart atttack last year and still not eating right. he gets mad when i try to help him eat heathly. i have tried. he wont exercise and do what his dr says. he makes excuses, what should i do

Answer 1

It sounds like he is blaming his frame of mind on the world and all who live in it. Until he owns up to his own responsibilities then he will never change. He needs to own his own emotions, and cannot blame anyone else for the things that happen to him. You have tried to make him eat healthy, you have tried to make him exercise...You are trying to show him the correct way to communicate and love someone, but he does nothing. You are doing all the doing and he just sits there and complains. Until he is presented with a situation that he finds totally unacceptable then he will never get off his *** and take responsibility for how he is feeling. He needs a dose of reality and whilever you are doing everything for him and accepting his rude behaviour, he wont change. You have to be strong, stand your ground.....tell him his behaviour is totally unacceptable and you cannot put up with it any more. If I am right about him, he will try to lay the guilt trip on you....You have to tune your mind off and keep on saying to yourself that he must be made to be responsible for the choices he makes in his life and that includes how he makes you feel, how he disrespects your feelings...how he disrespects his own body. You have taken on the responsiblity that he should have....give it back to him....leave, make him own his own responsibilities. Maybe that is the only way you are going to get him to change....be strong, think about yourself, because he obviously isnt. You are a precious person, we all are, you deserve to be happy.

Answer 2

So you're divorcing him because he can't make love to you anymore and he gets mad when you're trying to help him and he gets frustrated with himself and takes it out on you a lot?

First of all, it is selfish. What you are deciding to do is selfish. You said you want to leave for your OWN SANITY.

Do you love him at all?

If you loved him, you would understand that although he's sick, he's still the same man inside when you married and it must be killing him to think that he's not the same man he once was outwardly when he married you. He's just as frustrated as you are. He needs sex just as much as you do, he needs the attention and support and affection just as much as you do.

If you're not doing that great, get extra help. Hire a maid, a live-in-nanny, a nurse...whatever. If that's expensive, then I don't know what to tell you...but all those excuses are very poor reasons to get a divorce.

Where has your love gone?

You have to face the fact that both of your lives have changed and you have to make adjustments. Your husband's medications probably have to be changed to a different dose or brand. You need to not always feel obligated to do things for your husband, he can say what he wants and just shake it off and attribute it to the meds.

Remember that the way you react to him can also lead to an endless circle of frustration. If he talks rudely to you, you'll respond rudely back and it just escalates from there.

Try to reply nicely, and do with things very caringly for him as if it were your last day with your husband. See if there's a difference in your day that day. If you can change your attitude, it could change your whole situation and the outlook you have in your future with your husband.

Answer 3

A freedom or a real is a state granted permission to do some thing interior of a particular means that they later set with courtroom situations. it is a shaggy dog tale. All of politics is a shaggy dog tale. Telling someone they are allowed to be free isn't authentic freedom and is even worse being a finished perversion of what a real or freedom fairly is.

Answer 4

Seek marriage counseling with him on the problems and
if he does not want to go with you then maybe you need
to seperate for awhile to try and mend the marriage and
tell him so and still go to coulseling if he agrees, but dur-
ing the seperation period if he still is the same then there
is only one thing left to do: Do all of what you can to try
and save your marriage but remember he also has to get
involved and if he doesn't then you need to figure out
what is best for you and move forward in your life.
Good luck.

Answer 5

You need to seek counseling. If he is disrespectful and rude to you and it can only continue to affect your health. I would separate for a while and seek professional help during the separation. This all comes down to what YOU want. If you want to work on the marriage,then do whatever it takes to do so. If you feel like you have given it the old "college try" and you are ready to move on, then do so without regret.

Answer 6

My parents had sicknesses in the past where they were on meds that mad them depressed and mean as hell. That is probably the problem with him

He needs to agree to adjusting his meds, and you two need to start having date nights. You need to go to the beach (when warm enough of course), pack a romantic lunch and just listen to the waves crasing in and talk. You need healthy "together time". The "will" to be happy needs to be there in both of you.

If he is in total disagreement with making a change, then you have to get out of this toxic environment, so you can be healthy. Remember, you are in control of your destiny. But you need to get a commitment from either way. He'll either commit to being healthy and happy. or he'll commit to being a depressed, controlling jerk. If he commits to no change, then get the heck out of dodge (and fast!)

Answer 7

Just read your own question again over slowly - you gave yourself the answer!
If you are miserable, and he is, and if you are not seeing any possible changes in the future, it is time to move on - otherwise, you will just get more miserable and mostlikely sick on top of it!!!

Answer 8

i think you should take a breather outside of the house, telling him that you need to recoup, and that you would like some time apart, i think divorce and/or separate should be an option after you try giving each other space and stop doing as much for him as you do, he will notice and may be react to what your needs are, but i think you need a breather and time to be yourself and not talke care of other just take care of yourself, good luck

Answer 9

Ask him if he wants a divorce, that may be what he wants and if he doesn't suggest marriage counsling. Don't give up so easily marriage is sacred.

Answer 10

He sounds like an anchor and you'll drown if you don't escape. I couldn't imagine how tough a decision it would be but I think at least a "break" is in order.