control in a relationship?

Question

what r some early signs of control from a man in a relationship?what kinds of things do u consider to be controlling of a man's actions?Also these days most women say they dont like control and they want to b equal partners, where no one partner has authority or say over the other? what is your opinion on this subject?

Answer 1

these are the things my ex bf use to use on me
1."when i marry you i dont want you to worry about anything. not even money. you can stay at home!" that is code for :i'll be damned if you earn more than me, or spend time at work when you could be at my beckon call at home, making my meals and where i'll know you'll be at all times.
2."hey i miss you, i called 6 times and i was worried about you" that's code for: i'm an obsessive fool who is being kind about the fact you didnt pick up the phone because we're dating but when we're married i'll yell and cuss you out, i might even threaten you.
3. "i love that top! gee you can see alot of cleavage. hmm" that's code for:if i noticed your cleavage so does every other damn man and i'm gonna mention how i can see your cleavage all nite. but you'll think i'm complimenting you, or coming on to you, but really i'm just making it clear that that top is way to freaking revealing!
4. "well i will never tell you what to do babe, but i just think that when someone loves someone they put that person above all things. you see i love you so much i put you above everyone and everything else" that's code for: even though i may or may not put you first i definitly want YOU to put me first, because as i stated i think if you loved me you would. you see i have low self esteem and i need you to make me feel important. and frankly i dont care if you feel important. because everytime you mention you dont think you are important to me, i'll point out all the times i wasnt first in your life.
**if you need anymore signs, let me know i have a closet full of them! i was with the biggest loser who could only love himself. he was always the victim and always demanding love and attention from me and yet i never got any. basically i've learned that in order to love someone you need to love yourself. and loving yourself means you can provide yourself security, happiness and love. you dont NEED anyone to give you those things. someone who demands those things clearly doesn't know how to give himself those things. so how can you expect him to give you those things...THINK ABOUT THAT!

Answer 2

Having to account for every moment away from him.
Having to change clothes because he thinks what you are wearing is too revealing.
Always having to be available when he wants you.
These are signs that your bf is being controlling...and it will most likely get worse.
Equality is different for each relationship. Instead of looking at who has what authority its better to look at a relationship as being teammates. All teammates have different jobs on the team but still work together, not against each other to win. This rings true for a personal relationship too. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Signs of control would be him not wanting you to wear certain things, go certain places, do certain things. Really any restrictions within reason would be controlling IMO. You are your own person even if you're his wife or girlfriend. If there are things he tells you you're not allowed to do or he'd prefer you didn't do then he's controlling you and only you are allowed to do that! I don't believe in the old 'the man wear the pants' crap. We ARE equals and therefore should never try to put restrictions on each other(within reason, I'm not saying cheating or doing drugs, etc. would be considered bad if he said not to do that lol). Don't let anyone ever put general restrictions on you! We're equals, period.

Take Care,
Tori

Answer 4

I agree wholeheartedly on the subject of equality. Because we are women, doesnt mean we were born second rate citizens. In saying that, however, men are usually physically stronger than women, and sometimes we need to ask men for assistence in that area...but that is where the differences end. Sure we look different, but both of us have exactly the same emotional needs....no-one's needs should be ignored for the sake of the other person's needs....that is putting ourselves down, and saying to all society that we ARE second rate citizens.

Religion and religion alone has determined that a woman is a lesser human being. For centuries women were the little woman at home pandering to the mans needs. It wasnt until the women decided enough is enough and started the woman's liberation movement...they did some wonderful work in getting women accepted in our workforce, previous to then the woman was only allowed to do menial tasks....tasks that were expected of a woman like cleaning, washing, tending to children...that used to be their role. Things have changed dramatically and if you want equal rights then you have to believe in yourself. You have to believe that a man is not our superior. If you believe in yourself and believe you are a man's intellectual and emotional equal, then you will know the signs of control because your gut will tell you. I dont walk down the street carrying a placquard...I believe that I am a mans equal and if I feel controlled then I know a relationship would never work between that man and myself. There are women out there who do feel inferior to men who would make a controlling man happy. It doesnt make me happy, so he is best to look for a woman who he can have control over. It is a personal choice...some women like to feel overwhelmed and treated like a poor little defensless creature...but that is their choice. If it makes them happy, then who am I to say its wrong...I only know its wrong for me.....and that is something you need to decide for yourself......do you like being controlled by a man...if the answer is yes, then its right. If you dont like the control, then the answer is it is wrong. There are lots of men out there who dont feel the need to control a woman...they are secure within themselves.....if you dont like being controlled, then look for a man who is secure with his own masculinity and doesnt feel the need to control a woman. It is what makes you happy that is the most important, and if something doesnt make you happy, then you do something about it, you dont have to accept anything that doesnt make you happy.

Answer 5

A relationship should be equal in every way. if somebody is controlling, they want to know your every move, you can't go out with friends, can't see family or visit them. They are just now willingto let a person live, without checking with them. They control the money, where you go or if you can go to do things. Most of the time they want you with them all the time.

Answer 6

My man is the "head" of us, I am the "heart" of us...this works for us. While he asks for my opinion on most things, he generally makes the final decision for us. This works for US. Many women are scared of losing control and many men do not know how to be in charge...that is where discord begins.

Answer 7

i kinda like when the man is in control,but not the point of telling me what to wear, when to go to bed, who my friends can be, when i can go see my family, cant go no where without him, or even telling me what to buy with my money. i like control from a man as far as, controlling the bills and making sure everything is paid, controlling the yard and making sure its clean and cut, and controlling the maintenance on my car- things like that. no one will have complete dominion over me- my spouse should be my spouse not my father-

Answer 8

I don't know. My only experience with this was with a passive-agressive female control freak.

Answer 9

you can't go out with your friends, if you go get cigarettes and the male cashier asks how your doing, you must have had sex with him cuz why would he ask you that,. he even doen't want you around your family