I'm having serious thoughts about leaving my wife...?

Question

I've been married for 3 years and I've had thoughts of leaving my wife for about a year. When I think about it, I get really excited. I can honestly say that if my wife left me, I wouldn't be heartbroken. My wife and I LOT of issues and to be honest with you, I don't think she's aware of them. I try to respectfully let her know but she doesn't seem to get it until I get very quiet (I'm a happy-go-lucky type of guy who is RARELY in a bad mood). After a while, our crappy behavior starts up again. I can't even begin to explain all of our issues to you. Does this mean I don't love my wife? I want to leave but I want to stay...I'm being serious, I am really confused here. Should I leave? Should I stay? Help!!! I can provide more information if needed...

Answer 1

Two words: Couples Therapy! You have a serious communication problem with your wife and your actions have "Passive-Aggression" written all over. If you haven't been already go, go, go. Go to your physician and ask for a referral. Insurance companies often pay for therapy so take advantage of it. Do it now before you do something really dump like have an affair or worse.
Your marriage deserves you to at least try. Be frank with your wife that your having problems with her and that you think couples therapy is worth a shot. You will end up solving your own problems if they are at all fixable, and at least you can say you really tried.
I've been through two marriages and I can say for certain that marriage is a complicated mosaic of emotions, trust and respect. A therapists job is to spin-the-wheel and make you both think about things differently then you had before.

Answer 2

Don't ever just leave your wife. Whatever you do, you should take every possible avenue besides just trying to talk with your wife.

Ask to go to couple's therapy. They don't fix problems, but they help facilitate communication between the two of you since you're having problems communicating. Maybe she needs medication, she could be depressed and part of that is having some really heavy mood swings and a fiery temper.

I'm sure you want to leave because this relationship is not one that you feel happy coming home to, but you want to stay because it's your obligation as the other spouse in the relationship. One is decided on emotion and the other on the logic.

I don't think it would be wise to provide more info. online were anyone can say anything in which they have absolutely nothing to lose, but if you act on it...it could have devastating effects on your life.

Go to a therapist yourself first, to have him help you out with your feelings. Then he'll suggest couple's therapy...and so on. Maybe your wife will be referred to a psychiatrist to have medication given to her so she can be more easy going. There are so many things that can affect a relationship, you'll need professionals to figure that out.

But don't leave, that's not the right step at all. A divorce would be better and it would actually look better, it is a more responsible mutual choice.

Try everything you can do so that you and your wife can meet halfway in your relationship and then evaluate it from there.

Don't give up, she's still hanging in there.

Answer 3

No extra information needed. You have that "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" mentality. Your current situation is not rewarding and anything without your wife would relieve the stress. You even think that being with some other woman (or any other woman) would be significantly better. That's where the excitement comes from.

My recommendation: Marriage Encounter weekend.

Your focus is on the unacceptable behavior (the symptoms) rather than the underlying causes (the attitudes). I can tell you why very simply: there are two prideful and selfish people married to each other. Both of you are playing games with the other because your "needs" are not being met. Baloney! Marriage takes work and the other person is not there to adore you and provide amusement so you are not bored. In three years, you have hardly begun to truly know each other.

Answer 4

Since you have confusion as to whether you want to leave or stay is an indication that you may still have feelings for your wife. I feel it is the problems you two are experiencing that is causing a wedge to come between the love you once felt for her. 3 years is too short of a time to all of a sudden give up on a marriage. A lot of couples go through trials of uncertainty such as yours. Best thing to do is to try and work at the issues at hand that are causing this bridge between you two. A successful marriage takes work and determination. This is why young people are discouraged from getting married until they mature enough to have the discipline it takes to make a marriage work. Do all you can on getting all the resources available to you to help you and your wife make your marriage work. Best of luck to you!

Answer 5

Let me tell I have been married for over 15 years and I took too long to make up mind and finally leave my husband.

I would also get very excited at the thought of leaving him or visa-versa.

I would flat out tell him the truth of everything and I mean everything that was bothering me

I was once a happy go lucky and very lovey dovey person, but as things got worse I became cranky, obnoxious and nagging just because I was not happy , heck he would tell me he wasn't happy either and tell so what are you waiting for go

As soon as I left him he tried to clean up his act, tooo late buddy

So my advice while your still happy go luck runnnn!! don't hesitate, please do not become me several years later

But do talk first this way you both know where you stand on the relationship.

Answer 6

The fact that you get excited about leaving her is interesting. What's so exciting about a failed marriage and having to pay alimony? Didn't the two of you get married for a reason? Is there someone you would rather be with? What are the real issues other than you want to leave her, there has to be some specific reasons not?

Answer 7

I need some more info here, but as far as i can tell, I think you really need her to sit down, shut up and listen to you. If she can't be a mature woman to realize her man is in the dumps about his relationship she obviously is not caring too much about your feelings. I talk to my man everytime we have a chance to find out how eachother is feeling and if there are any issues. I dont want to be blind to anything. If she has no time to talk then you must be hhonest with her, if you have kids DONT STAY FOR THE KIDS!! That will definitly make your future a very very messed up one, you'll never get rid of her then if she turns psycho. She also prob not the one you should have married.

Answer 8

Quickly get yourself over to divorcebusting.com and read the boards. There are lots of people in your position and there is lots you can do about it. Get the book and start yourself on the program. You married her for a reason, and you need to rediscover that. There is something called the Walk Away Wife syndrome, but it equally applies to men. You may be becoming a walk away spouse, so do the research and get yourself educated about relationships. Its the only way to save your marriage, and there are lots of benefits to saving the time you have invested in your current relationship. Good luck.

Answer 9

Tell her bluntly. Stop pussyfooting around the issues. Don't try to be polite or respectful, just tell her. Maybe she wants to do and be all of those things that you are hinting around about but is no good at reading your subtlety. If she knows whats going on in your head and things still aren't working out, then fine, it wasn't meant to be, but if shes completely in the dark, then you never gave her or your marriage a chance. Personally, I would be livid if my husband left me over issues that i was unaware of and if he gave me some bull sh*t line like "I tried to let you know respectfully, but you didn't get it" I would knock his teeth down his throat.

Answer 10

hmmm... pardon me.

you dont sound like you really have the thoughts of leaving your wife.

you sound more like...
a little kid. upset that his problems and his wants and needs doesnt get noticed by his best friend. the best friend [your wife] is too goondo and doesnt notice any problems at all till you scream and cry.
and this cycle is repeating! you dont like to scream and wail...you want her to notice any wrong at the 1st sight. she has to learn from the FBI... being able to detect any unhappiness from you at 1st sight.

you sound more frustrating than anything else. you want to leave because you dont like what you are seeing and feeling. but you want to stay because you still have feelings.

perhaps write her an email... telling her about all your thoughts.

it is not easy to maintain a relationship, what more a marriage. and if you want your marriage to work and be happy... you have got to work. since perhaps you feel there are problems, and well...she might be oblivious to all these and think she is in a very happy marriage.

think twice. :D